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My 21 year old son doesn't like to work and just sits at home all day and is always angry

He has never had a long term job as he walks out and gets bored - he also plays on xbox most of the night too - I have said I'll remove the Internet but he gets so mad

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At 21 years old he should have a job and his own place to live. Give him a choice, get a job or move out. I'm assuming that he needs money for games for the xbox, clothes, fast food, etc. Where is he getting that money from? If it's from you, stop.

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helixaqua
Sounds like its time to release the hounds..chase him out!
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Pack his clothes and give him a cardboard box to live in.
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agreed. someone has allowed him to do this for way too long. take responsibility and lay down some rules.
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helixaqua

Who cares if he gets mad! He's 21 and its YOUR house, not his. Take control and give him a kick in the.........The games and internet must go or he must go!

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Be a parent and take the stupidity box away from him. Obviously he has no self control. You are enabling him. Tell him if he doesn't get off his butt and work then he has to move out. And mean it!

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he is an adult tell him move out..as long as you enable him he will never grow up. so what if he gets mad.

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He's your son, Punish him! Punishing your kids teaches them discipline, and respect. He sounds lazy. It dose not matter if he's 21. He needs to be disciplined, and have responsibility's. He's not a kid anymore.

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I know your right but I have asked him to leave twice now, he did but I accepted him back, thinking that things would change, but no. As I divorced his dad 12 years ago he has always blamed me for a crap upbringing (which is untrue). I've done as much as I could possible do within reason (money).
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He's probably just lost with out a father a figure in his life. Maybe you could sit down one day, and talk with you. Does he have a uncle, or a close friend? Lol I don't know. Just trying to help.....
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Don't allow his emotional blackmail. It's been 12 years. Tell him to grow up and get over it already. He's learned your sympathy buttons.
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Hate to ask, but could substance abuse be involved ? I have a daughter who is an addict; had the same symptoms. If not, maybe counseling?

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No not at all, he never goes out, doesn't receive any job seekers, the only thing he gets is food! It's like he's given up, has no aspiration, no purpose. He is very depressed, looks dreadful a little like a homeless person. He doesn't ever come down stairs only to eat dinner, my daughter (19), doesn't live with us anymore and blames me as I divorced her dad 12 years ago, from then on both children have disliked me, or so it feels.
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Ahh-- my nephew had issues as well. (yes, we are normal people). My nephew became depressed; didn't do anything but mope around house. He blamed my sister for separating from his Dad. She got him into counseling. They started him on Abilify. It has helped tremendously. Totally different kid now. Bottom line: try counseling. Good luxk
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Ha! That's just like my brother..... You should punish him. He can't be lazy for the rest of his life and needs to learn that he can't always get what he wants...

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Hey! :) sorry for last time. I was grounded so i might not be on for a while...
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Oh ok....... I miss you. Lol
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PUNISH HIM!!!... That's what my aunt is doing to my older cousin before. Now my cousin has a family and having a good life.

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Kick him out of home. He wants Xbox?.. He'll have to work for it, won't he? At 21 he shouldn't be acting like a 14 year old. Give him a good kick up the **** and tell him to grow up and get a life. Be a parent for goodness sake..

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helixaqua
Morning...Afternoon..Morning...some part of the day!!!! :D
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Haha hello, lovely. It's midnight ^.^
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helixaqua
Happy Midnight then! 8)
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Why thank you!! Although, I was enjoying that public holiday. Back to work for me today..
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You sound like a spineless jellyfish...Unfortunately, I believe all this great advice is falling on deaf ears...

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Mmm, jellyfish (:
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Are you who I think you are? ^^^^
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I think I am (:
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8) Good to see you again!!
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Thanks kuu. Hope all is well with you and the family (:
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Sweet! Good to see you again...
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It's time to cut the strings, he needs to learn to live on his own by supporting himself, he needs to get a job ASAP and get out of your house.

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You said it right sissy....no momma's boy here.
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Bahahahahaha! You got Momma boys, you just can't get rid of them, ha
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Sissy, I need some stars, I've been here longer than some and their passing right by, ugh!! Now get busy!!
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Why are you allowing him to live there? Go down to the local court and take out eviction osiers. You don't need an attorney, the cheek can tell you what you need to fill out. Your allowing him to continue thus will only serve to cripple him.

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At 21 he should be ashamed of him self, it's your house and its your rule, never give your son money, demand him to find a job or move out. Good luck!

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Mr_FadedGlory

Call the cops next time he gets mad

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I understand your dilemma, I really do. You're suffering from heavy guilt from the divorce, and your son & daughter are jumping on that bandwagon for their benefit. First, you must respect yourself and your decision to divorce. Then, think very hard about how your son is using and abusing your motherhood to his gain. To enforce what needs to be done, you are going to have to become steadfast in your relationship with your son. Write a list as to what will not only make you happy, but what he MUST do, to grow & mature. Then do it. Stop babying him with your guilt- the more you allow it, the less he respects you!! You can love him & help him, but until you demand respect and action out of him, nothing will change. It's hard, I know. You love him. He's still young. But ask yourself this- has your past behavior helped him? Or enabled him? He knows you'll cave-in, so don't, this time. Stand your ground. He's comfortably using the situation to turn into a hermit. Tell him, no job-no luxuries. No internet. Tell him so he can be prepared for it and to see you are SERIOUS this time. It WILL work, but only if you mean it. PS- He doesn't like the way he is, either.

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Thank you for these words, you've really hit the spot! yes it's so damn hard, but as you have pointed out, I do cave in as I feel like I'm not helping him, but I'm going to write that list you suggested and start afresh - Take a day at a time with him and your right NO job NO luxuries. Thanks here goes!
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Thank you for responding to me! I'm so glad, and hope you remain strong. We can be strong, but loving also. A lot of your answers on here are pretty harsh, but I think a person has to actually experience these types of issues to really understand. Best wishes to you both! I suspect in about 5 years you're going to see a different, more mature and definitely happier son. Take care.
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Kick. Him. OUT!!!!!!

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dustee

Put his chair outside....and close your front door.....and eat your cupcakes..

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You betcha !!!
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I think most have already said everything already. But if he has Depression or Anger problems or some kind of addiction, see if you can get him help so he can start living his life , and then you can live yours...

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Spoilt... Get a nice belt to give hima whooping with then kick him out... Rember to yell a bit... Make him know who's boss... Oh. dear lord...I sound like my dad D:...

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There is a lot of advice here but are you an enabler? Are you giving him the freedom to be useless and angry? If he just walked or hitchhiked and toured the country he might get in trouble or he might get real and grow up. If he comes to Canada I will let him stay in my nice barn for a while but he MUST CONTRIBUTE.

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I read more of the answers. If he is really depressed he needs help. Remember all birds have to leave the nest and look for their own worms (eventually).
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Make him help or motivate him to join the military. People think it is a joke, but here is a quote.

For all of those that have son's or daughter's at bootcamp let me pass on what I found. When my son left home he had no motivation, he was lazy, slobby, no pride, no self worth. This is the boy that got off the bus March 18th at Parris Island. The man that I met on Thursday for parents day is AWESOME. There is no way I can describe to you all the difference. He looks different, he walks different, he talks different, he has such a sense of bearing and pride all I could do was look at him in awe. Oh yes, the training is hard, what he went through is unimaginable to any one that has not been there. Let me tell you the surprise of what else they are taught. My Marine son has better values, better morals, better manners than any one I know. It is so much more than Yes Sir, Yes Mam...so much more. He cares about how he looks, he cares about what he does, and its not a boastful, bad ass thing. He is a true gentleman. I saw patience, and a calmness in him that I have never seen.
"Cybil", Mother of a Marine

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I think you should take some credit, planting early seeds.
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You have to push him to get out of your life so that he can grow up!

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Put his angry ass out!

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If he likes video games so much Get him a job at gamestop because he would have expirience and he would know what he's doing. It may not pay much but he can get a job from that and live with you for a while and then he can make a youtube gaming channel xD and put him through some classes of his fravourite hobbies, I don't know. Just put him into something he likes

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go on his xbox (assuming its a 360) and get a red ring of death on it.

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What I wanted to say has already been said. The only other thing you gotta know is that your question is off-topic. This isn't a tech question.

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I think it's late now,you needed to build up his position while he grows. Honor is most important,at less for man..

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I was like that too. Honestly, my parents stopped the cash flow. Once I lost all independence, I joined the NAVY.
Now I'm a USN corpsmen, I earned everything I own and have been apologizing to my mother ever since!

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Tell him to have a weekly bible study with Jehovah's witnesses, and qualify to preach from door to door. That will change his habits for the better and there is so much to do in the work of the Lord as 1 Corinthians 15:58 says. He will strengthen his own faith and the faith of others. https://www.jw.org/en/free-bible-study/

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Ok 40 year old who lives with his mommy

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