Oh My! Anna, if you don't get control of this child you will be totally lost in the next 5 to 6 years. I raised 2 children alone for years. One boy and one girl. The boy was so easy and the girl was way too tough. Short of spanking her, I would take a hold of her hand look her in the eye and tell her exactly what you want to say. If she won't listen, begin taking things away. My daughter became so defiant and mouthy in her early teen years, that I finally had to slap her face. It came when she least expected it and she never mouthed off again (at least where I could hear it).
Choose your battles. Never back down. Be strong. My girl and I went toe-to-toe until she was 17 years old and then everything changed. You have a long struggle ahead but you are her guide. Don't give up!
1 year ago
Last edited at 3:41PM on 3/18/2013
I'm sorry if I offend you with my answer, but pretty much every youngster nowadays think they're older than they actually are or more mature and act like, "OH MY GOD. This is so brutally annoying. I'm (place age here), mom/dad!" I've had a lot of experience with younger cousins and WHEW. They are a freakin' handful...or two. Try not to linger over any lectures and try to be direct. Edit: I know I'm still a youngster (14), so take it from personal experience and myself. She also might be those kinds of people who try to keep up with the "cool" kids and treat their parents like they treat theirs or compare everyone's lives to theirs.
It's important to talk 'with' and not to just talk 'at' a child of any age. For example: Your kid wants to wear her groovy new Elvis T-shirt to church. Instead of just saying "No", you should explain to her that church is not the place for a T-shirt ... even if it is Elvis. The earlier - the better.
She is testing your limits. Don't lose your edge, but take control. Be available to discuss, but not itching to argue. You are the adult, she must be made understand she has to do as you say. Take every privilege if you must, get your whole family on your wagon. There are numerous sources of advice on these subjects. Get support if you need it.
Hi Anna. I'm no expert- I've only had boys. But reading through this, it sure seems like she was hurt and jealous by your new partner & baby girl. Now, she's just angry and feeling sorry for herself. Hence, the 'testing' era. Be yourself, don't be 'afraid' to p*** her off by saying 'no', and be consistent. She's only 9, and in many ways still a baby herself. How about taking at least one day a week and making it 'our day'? You two only. Go out to lunch, to a nice place like a park/zoo, shop, etc. Give yourselves at least 2 to 3 hrs without anyone else. Sounds like you need to create a new sort of base with her now. Your time together should be pleasant, without arguing. I wish you the best.