Submit a question to our community and get an answer from real people.
Submit

Should i tell my friend that her husband made a pass at me?

my friends husband made a bold,crude pass at me he actually came right out and asked me if i would like to have an affair . i was shocked, we are very close and do things together including trips, i have not told my husband or friend. we see each other all the time (a few times a week if not ever day)since we do live close to each other,and i have just been acting like it never was said. i dont want to hurt my friend and have her forced to deal with this,and i dont want to tell my husband(i dont think he would handle it well at all) should i continue to pretend this never happened (my friends husband never mentioned it again)or am i being deceitful to my friend and husband. i thought it was best to avoid all the drama, am i wrong.?

Report as
salhakhan

In my opinion, don't tell anyone. coz, he is acting as if it never happened, that means he already knows you declined his offer. Give it another go, if it happens again, just reply friendly.
"I love my husband, and I can only see you as a good friend. Please dont say anything like this again, or you will put our friendship in jeopardy. Lets keep things the way they are."
The way he is acting now, I doubt he will come up to you, BUT if he comes to you again. I am pretty sure after the above statement, he will tame himself.
If he doesn't, tell your husband every single thing from point A to B.

Helpful (2) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (1)
Report as
thanks, that what i was thinking since he has never said anything of it again and he is acting as if he never had.good advice. thanks
Report as
Add a comment...

That's a tuff one, you might lose a friend, your husband might want to beat his ass and end up in jail. Is your friend the type of person who would rather not know and live in denial? Or is she strong and independent? Does he support her? Or is she supporting him? All these things are factors you should consider, I would want to know , that's just me though. Drop some hints tell her you have a friend, ask her how she would feel or thinks about it

Helpful (1) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (2)
Report as
my thoughts exactly!!!! this is why i have not said anything ....and i realize my friend may decide to end the friendship aswell. she doesnot work....he supports her.just as i do not work, if my husband does beat his ass(gooood possibility of that) he will loose his job.cannt have anything like that in his line of work. so yeah, probably just leave it alone and keep quiet. thanks!!!
Report as
Yes, let it go then, don't stir the pot, maybe she will find out on her own one day what a pig he is, then you can be there for her:-)
Report as
Add a comment...

I think the best way to answer that is to ask yourself if the roles were reversed would you want to know?

Helpful (1) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (1)
Report as
uhmmm, NO!! i prefer not to deal with drama or issues like this, what you dont know wont hurt you.right? thanks !
Report as
Add a comment...

Tell her, wouldn't you want to know???

Helpful (1) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (2)
Report as
Good answer I like the way u think
Report as
Thank you Doc.
Report as
Add a comment...

when you start keeping secrets from your spouse its starts going down hill respect him and yourself to tell him and your friend what a piece of sh!t this guy is ....he doesn't respect any of you... so why would you protect him...? Its better to be upfront you did nothing wrong you need to cut all friendships with this guy and tell your husband...

Helpful (2) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (1)
Report as
thanks, you make a good point. and i agree, that was so disrespectful too all of us! you are very wise. good advise. thankyou.
Report as
Add a comment...

That is a toughy .. and in all honesty .. If that happened to me, I don't know how I would react .. other than being mortified. I would be torn between being honest with my friend .. and more importantly with my own husband (if THEY are friends).

Stuff like this never ends well. My fear is it would raise suspicion between me and my friend .. because you know very well the husband would deny it .. or he will laugh it off trying to make it sound as if he was just 'joking' around. Either way, it would end up being ME that will get the brunt end of the stick.

Then I think .. WTF! How can this scumbag put ME in this position .. and after thinking about it .. I think I would just get pissed off .. violently pissed off! Typically, I can usually contain myself .. but .. something like THIS .. I don't know if I could. I would find it obtusely insulting and disrespectful to ME .. to my friend .. to my own husband .. to both our families .. and THAT I will not tolerate anyone messing with the people I care about.

Yep .. I think I would (and as kindly as I could), tell my friend .. something like THAT would not go unheard.

Helpful (1) Fun (1) Thanks for voting Comments (5)
Report as
Sounds like you are familiar with the subject.
Report as
I admit, over the years, I have had passes made to me .. just not by my own friends husbands.

Passes, from drunken slobs .. I can handle, quite easily .. Passes, from my own friend's husbands .. would be a little more disturbing.
Report as
wow! its like you read my mind...you realy hit on all the things i was thinking , these are my thoughts exactly!!! love this answer ...thanks!
Report as
except , i probably wont say anything. dont have the nerve
Report as
It doesn't take "nerve" it's takes devotion to your friendship with your 'friend'. If this 'friendship' doesn't mean that much to you, then perhaps I can see why you would be reluctant to 'step out' and be honest.

If it was MY husband that was making 'passes' at other women, not to mention my own friends ... I would want to know.

Chances are YOU are not the only one he is making advances to.
Report as
Add a comment...

I'll keep it short. Some things are better left unsaid.

Helpful (2) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

No u need to tell him that he is lucky to have ur freind and if he ever does that again u will tell

Helpful (1) Fun (1) Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

Don't say a word!

Helpful (1) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...
Do you have an answer?
Answer this question...
Did you mean?
Login or Join the Community to answer
Popular Searches