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Okay so i would normally not use the internet to solve this problem... but I really do need help

im an 18 year old guy, i have a little brother that is 12. My mother is an alcoholic that does not have a job since my little bro was born, aside from cleaning house, washing dishes (every once in a while) and shopping-spending $3500 a month of my fathers money. my father is 55 years old my mother is 50, my father basically only stays with my mother for us kids, and the hope that one day she will wake up... but she has been an aggressive bot not violent drunk for the past 6 years (occasionally violent) but never hit anyone aside from my father, or pushed me. im getting to my last nerve with her, she does certain things just to cause problems, mainly with my father (occasionally with me and my bro). i take testosterone boosters, i am an MMA fighter with devastating power to the big guys in the ring, i am afraid that one day my anger will get the best of me and i could hurt her, i have anger issues normally, but she is my own mother i could never hit her, but she has a way of getting to me, she says stuff that i would knock anyone on their ass for, she needs help before something bad happens, i love my mother, and i really want the old her back (before 5 years ago). Please help me :(

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Talk to your dad...tell him he isn't doing you, your brother or even your mom any favors by staying with her. He is only making it worse. Your dad needs to man up and take you and your brother away from her until she gets the help she needs. It's not a good situation and I'm sorry your family has to deal with this.

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she's right. this is some serious problems that your mother needs to sort out in therapy and away from the public. this is serious stuff! this is not an enviroment a kid can grow up in.
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Move out and take your little brother on lots of out of the house adventures, let him see what normal feels like. You really need to get way from your mom for a while and let your dad deal with her. You will feel better about yourself and the whole situation.

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Voglir

I call bs.. but if she pushes or hits you slap her its perfectly legal to defend yourself

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you don't hit a woman, especially your mother if your a respectable person.. and i would not write that online for everyone to see if it did not happen 20 minutes ago.
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Voglir
you have the legal right to defend yourself against man or woman. mother or street walker. the person attacks you you defend yourself
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Try to get a job, one with ok pay, and spend the money on a therapist for your mother sounds like she might need one. Just an idea.

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Take her to a therapy home. That's what we did for my mom with her problem.. She's staying there for a month to get her crap straighten out.

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Hide all the alcohol. Tell your dad to stop giving her money. Treat her like a little kid: tell her to do stuff like chores, and if she doesn't listen, take away one of her privileges like being able to listen to music or something. Talk to her daily about how wrong she has been to you and your family, but also of the days when you thought of her as the best mother in the world. Never hit her, but make sure she knows that you are in charge. Give her food that she only needs, and if she has a bottle in her hand take it away. If she hits you, say," You're not stronger than me anymore Mom. I'm doing this for you just like how you would do this for me." If she continues to push you, just snort and act like you do not care. When she gives up, award her. Give her a hug, and make her a chocolate milk. If it's hard to get rid of alcohol, just pour it down a drain and replace it with apple juice. My advice may not be the best since I am inexperienced when it comes to this type of thing and I am only in the 8th grade, but I hope it'll work for you!

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nice detail answer you get a star and a happy face = }
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Awww~~ thank you!! :D
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I've had the same problem. Except I'm not an MMA fighter, but I'm still a fighter. Every time she makes you mad, escape the room immediately. Go outside and calm down or go somewhere where you like to have fun at. Like your friends house or something. Or try to say something clever back. What can she do, anyways??? Hope I helped!!

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yeah i try to get out of the room asap, its just she is so provocative beyond that point, there's been times when i have had to completely leave the house after busting my knuckle on a doorknob, because she decided to get drunk and bitchy with me after i got my wisdom teeth pulled, she always has to get the last word in and normally its one that is used to make me angry
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Well try to find any cleverer comments like " Stop talking about yourself ma!! I should send you to therapy for that!! I know a great guy for that!!" And pull out your phone. It works for me all the time. That shuts her up. :)
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Ok, well the best way to approach this is find a day where shes not drinking (take it away if u have to) and talk to her. Whether its one on one talking to her or the whole family. I understand u have a temper but ur going to have to control it for this because you want her to trust u enought to tell u why she changed and why everything has happened. Ur side of the story is understandable and u shld let her know what you see. Its hard, but you have to gain her trust and talk it out. Thats the only peaceful and mature way to handle the problem. Good luck:)

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best thing to do is have an intervention. get other family members and friends and gather around to talk some sense to her. then send her to a clinic (it'll cost some money, but with your mother out of the picture for a while, you guys should be able to make more money and be alright). i hope the best for you. i truly do. i want ur mother to be like how she was. also, dont ever feel like its your brothers fault (i know you didnt put this your description, but i can imagine)

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If your 18, I recommend moving to an apartment with your little brother and your father. Send your mom to rehab cause she needs it. Expensive, but worth it. If that doesn't work try manipulating her by making her feel relaxed, be as nice as she can be even if she doesn't deserve it. When she is relaxed and can trust you, take her alcohol and money and don't give it back to her.

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FunnyLittleFrog

One thing to consider is stop taking the testosterone boosters if it gives you problems, of which you have enough. You are responsible for yourself as a man. Has nothing to do with her. You aren't a helpless child, you can change things as you are very young and luckily your dad is there. She's sick....she can't fix it. She'll never be the mother you want or need. You have to accept that as painful as it is.

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my anger is not an every day problem its just with her, when she says certain things that get to me because a mother should not say those things with the intentions that she has.
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It is good to know of your capabilities when it comes to your strength, because you losing your temper on her would not be a good scenario. I can feel the anger coming off of your words. I don't have to tell you that there is nothing anybody can do for your Mom if SHE doesn't want any help. You are now a man. Sit down man to man with your Father and talk to him, and be certain you tell him everything--and I do mean everything you are feeling. He might agree to an intervention. You can all get together and give your mother an ultimatum....and I would start with cutting off her funds if she doesn't agree to go to an in-house long term treatment. She did not get into this shape overnight and she will not get out of it overnight. It will take time. And, the rest of you will also need some therapy to talk over the feelings of anger and trust that you now are feeling and have lost. The tough part will come if she resists and does not agree. It is then up to you and your Father to stand on what you say you are going to do.

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i know that i cant hit her, and i have good control with that, i just am not fully aware of the level of anger that she could provoke me too... shes said some stuff that's really gotten me angry, but i know i cant hit her, but theres always those off days where i just think in my head how nice it would be to shut her up... i cant like move out or anything, im not going to school yet, possibly in the fall. but i really dont care about me anymore its just i dont want my brother to go through what i did as a child.
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You are wrong not to care about yourself, and much of that is from what you have been through. I already know you are worried about your younger brother. That is why I did not suggest you move out. I am sticking by my suggestion to speak to your Father and BOTH of you unite and take a stand for the three of you, and for her as well. Her illness is affecting all of you as if always does. Addiction is a disease unlike any other I have ever seen. Try to stay strong, and I know you already do this, but continue to set forth an example for your brother. My heart goes out to you, and I wish you the best.
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I understand your pain. I'm a MMA fighter. recently turned 19. Been fighting since I was 5 and had times when I wanted to bring down my father but this is your mother. She'll regret and learn later on in life before Its too late.Keep your head up.Reason why I fight to keep my anger in.You can do it. Don't let it ruin you. Trust me on that.She's your mother.Teach her.Not hurt her but teach her.Grab her aside and talk to her.Father as well need to talk to her but if not helping. Definitely need to hide the alcohol.

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It seems to me that you want the old mom back, this I understand. Your mom has a disease. Mabey this is not what you want to hear.... But it's the truth. I cannot solve all your problems in a short answer. It's so complex. First and foremost don't be upset with your mom you must give overwhelming love to her. She is in pain. Next and most important, go to a support group for family members of abusers of alcohol. I'm sorry this is in your life, but don't let it be your whole life. Your young and have your own destiny to fulfill. Love, patience,concentrate on you. Good luck.

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Dad MUST stop giving her money immediately. Go to Al-Anon, all of you. You cannot change her behavior. Move out with your brother and dad. Wish her the best.

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