You don't. The thing about children of this age they are in a stage where they are starting to develop their own personality and who they are. Plus a lot of three year olds are still going through the terrible two's. So all there is to do is to be patient and try to calm the child into listening to you.
as a mom of four I found that firm and consistent limits, a strict routine and repetition work best. children that age are very insecure and constantly test their limits. so repetition equals stability and creates security. also it is the only real way to calm them down. whatever you do don't resort to physical violence, that creates fear and shows instability which will make the child act out more.
Ahhh .. just remember .. These creatures are Veeeerrrry intelligent. They learn about things you don't even know they are learning. They learn the most by example...about how to treat other people, pets, their toys etc. They learn behavior .. and they learn all the tricks in the book about how to manipulate.
If crying and stomping their feet works .. that's what they will do. Therefore, you counter act their dastardly plan .. and simply don't let them get away with that. Show them by example what is acceptable behaviour .. mentor them .. It's just as important to teach them about options as it is about how to express their frustration. Constant positive reinforcement!
I don't like the word "control". Think "guidance" say what you want them to do. Not what you don't want them to do. Example : don't say, "don't sit on the table " Say, "sit here in the chair" Don't say, "stop yelling". Say, use a soft voice". And also do what you are want them to do. Like sit or speak softly. Children like action so play follow the leader say, "walk this way". Or jump this high" or " sing this song" Hope you have fun together
Listening to the child. Children are very intelligent. Let them know what they can and can not do by explaining the reason. You need to stay constant. If you do this we won't be able to do that. A child that feels loved and feels like some ones paying attention will listen better to you. Reward for positive at all times. Good job, way to go...etc. For negatives try a time out. No more then a minute or two sitting in a chair. Spanking the child teaches them nothing but that hitting will solve issues. Most children in this age frame are bored and so they listen less. Attention is what they crave.