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How can i get my husband to help out around the house with some of the cleaning ect.? he doesnt do anything at all....

i dont work outside of the house ,he does...so he feels i should do it all, i am getting tired. making all the beds,washing the floorsdaily,vacuuming 2 x daily, making lunches, making 3 different dinners, washing handprints off windows,laundry ,ironing, dusting(daily because of allergies) cleaning 3 bathrooms daily,my house is fairly large so this all takes the better part of the day. i feel as if by the time i finish its time to make the dinner(s) i even have to cook separately for the three dogs. we can not afford a house keeper so this is not an option. i am so tired by the end of the day, i can hardly wait for it to end but it is just going to begin all over again the next day. he is very traditional and feels i should do it all, but i just dont have the energy i once had, after,29 years together and it has always been this way ,so how do i bring about change, or is it too late,because he is set in his ways. he is also very fussy about how things are kept,(a bit ocd) my friends cannot believe i iron the sheets, but this is how he likes things. so,how can i get him to help out ,i am just exhausted.

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I'm a stay at home mom and do everything around my house too. But I'm the OCD one here. Why on earth are you vacuuming twice a day? And why are you cooking for the dogs? You just have to cut back on some things. Put the sheets on the bed without ironing them. Make one dinner, if they don't like it, they can eat cereal. There is no need to clean the bathrooms daily. If you showed up at my house you would see a spotless house. But I am not breaking my back like you. Cut back, don't ask, just do it.

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best answer so far !
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thankyou.! i am vacuuming twice daily because the dogs shed. three of them. i am cooking for dogs ,as rediculous as that is , because the have to have chicken on top of their dry food or they wont eat. i have to make multiple dinners because i am a vegitarian, noone eles is. i have to wash windows daily because i have alot of glass door in the back of the house (a wall of window) and the dogs and kids are always messing them up...i think i will go ahead and cut back, thankyou.i appreciate your answer.
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I have two indoor cats, they shed, but there is no way I'm vacuuming twice a day. As for the food for the dogs, if you stop putting chicken on top, eventually they will get hungry and eat. Dinners, just cook your meal and add a meat for the rest of the family. Windows...I can't imagine the whole wall of windows needing to be done daily, use touch up windex wipes. Now seriously, you're not a slave and you don't have to be a slob, there is a happy medium.
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Sorry I took so long to respond, I was ironing my sheets. Lol...just kidding. 8)
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Or cleaning your windows, ha!!!
Hey Kuu!!
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bribery--say you'll stop doing something he enjoys doing with you if he doesn't help out & reward him when he does. Good Luck :)

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thankyou
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Why would she deprive herself of that? Sounds like the only fun she might be having. 8)
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Talk to him. Tell him what your telling us.

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thankyou, believe me i have tried ...i am at a disadvantage hes an only child of a italian mother!! lol....thankyou for your advice
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you iron sheets...i'm still laughing and will be for awhile. i'm just picturing the romantic bedroom scene after all this tiring work.

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im laughing reading your comment about the romantic bedroom scene.....do you think i have the energy for that too!lol...oh, ironning sheets is not the worse of it, i will go ahead and give you a real good laugh....how about cleanning the grout with a toothbrush! thankyou! i appreciate your answer
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hush...i knew a lady who would iron underwear.
i'd be cleaning the grout with his tooth brush if he demanded that of me........:)
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refuse him sex, hide his stuff under the mess so he has to clean it to find it, dont make him food.

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wow, troller, you realy know how to make a point! thankyou!
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Haha, trolls passed from one troll to another :P
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Show him your question. See what he says! If that does not start a conversation, strike! Let it all go! Give him a dose of reality. Let him deal with his OCD.

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thankyou..good idea
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Quit ironing the sheets for one thing. He'll either adjust or he will iron them himself. Buy clothes that don't need ironing or take them to the cleaners. You said you make all the beds, other than you and your husband's who is sleeping in the rest? And why aren't they making them? I understand the allergy thing and having to vacuum and dust often but vacuuming 2x a day is over kill and so is dusting, invest in an air purifier.

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thankyou gatorblu, i appreciate the answer... we have 3 air purifiers in the house. i have to vacuume twice because of the dogs(3) shedding. traking in and out all day long with dirt on the paws. thankyou for your advice ..
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Are your dogs long haired or short? If short their is a brush made by Kong called the Zoom Groom. It will get every last hair off your dog . Just be sure to brush them outside. If they are long haired I hear the Furminator does wonders.
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hi gator, just reading your comment the next morning, the dogs are all short haired,2 boston terriers(they barely shed at all) and 1 american bull which my husband brought home and dumped on me even though i strongly opposed this. the bull dog is a heavy shedder,believe it or not they are know for being one of the heaviest shedding of the short haired dogs. he is so aggressive i could not brush him ,i have tried. he is afraid of the brush for some strange reason. he is a rescue. but i have been told about the furminator from a friend who has a rotty mix. he swears by it. thankyou so much gator for taking the time to give me such helpful advice. L.
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Heavy shedding and Anxiety are signs of a low thyroid level. You may want to get your bulldog checked for that. If it comes back in the low range of normal ask for a low dose of medication. Vets are sometimes hard to convince on this point especially if a dog isn't gaining weight (which really only shows up 1/2 the time) so ask for a 6 month trial. I did that with my dog and her shedding has stopped and her anxiety, which comes across as aggressiveness, has come way down.
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You should've Ask.ed this question 28 years ago...

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thats so funny, true. thankyou.
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My pleasure...sorry for what you're going through and quit cooking for the dogs...
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If you think I'm going to iron your sheets, you're nuts...
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She should have stopped all this 28 years ago. Way too much!!
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Just stop everything and see how long it takes him to ask you "what's going on". Then tell him everything that you told us. Take action now or you will live like that forever or until you leave him.

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thankyou hippy, i was in the hospital a couple years agofor 4 days before and you should have seen what i came home to! he doesnt lift a finger....but this is good advice you are giving me and i may just give it a try. i wont have to go on strike for very long , the minuet he comes through the door if everything isnt just so, he will have plenty of question! thankyou
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My wife was a stay at home mom until the kids were in high school and we had an impeccable home. BUT, the kids folded their own laundry, cleaned their bathrooms, cleaned their rooms and helped with other chores around the house. When I got home from work, that meant that her day was over and it was time for her to relax. After dinner the kids and I would clean up, do the dishes and when it was bath time, it was up to me to get them in the tub and then into bed. I was like your husband with my first wife and I know now that it contributed to the divorce. I really didn't know any better, that's the way it was with my mom and dad and I thought it was normal. Your husband has to be convinced that what he is doing is not the norm for todays families.
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Great advice !!
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Thanks Kookie.
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thanks again hippie, great advice...he did have a mom who did everything for him. his mom was old school italian. he is an only child. he doesnot even pick up after himself. example if he is having a drink he leaves the glass wherever he was when he finished it. i could see how this behavior may contribute to divorce! sometimes i feel like a servant. noone helps out,
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I wish you luck.
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Louise, how did you get into this mess?? You have completely over-done it. Make a list of all your daily chores & start paring them down. Cooking for 3 dogs is ridiculous. Allergies? Either find them new homes or have them outside mostly. You either cut-back or die of resentfulness. Your husband obviously doesn't realize or appreciate all you do. Start being kind to yourself. You earned it. Cross-out at least 1/2 of the jobs on your list. With the rest, assign at least half to your husband. If you are able, go on a week's retreat. Come back and find a wonderful hobby that takes you out of the house, or get a job. When you're old, are you going to look back on your life and be happy & proud of using that toothbrush and iron? (What's an iron? lol! I'm 64, btw.) Or are you going to be glad you took care of yourself and had interests outside the jail---I mean 'home'? Stop being so cruel to yourself.

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thanks sued, i dont know how i got into this mess..just happened over time i suppose, but ,as usual, i am the one who will have to clean it up! lol. seriously sue, i almost started to cry when i read your post. the truth hurts. it was as if you were in my head. this is what i think of at night when my head hits the ironed pillow case. what an unfulfilling life. one of my friends also calls this jail, like a bird in a guilded cage is actualy what she calls it. thanks sue, i am going to work on changes.
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Good for you, Louise! Hard to blame your husband when you willingly put yourself in this position, right? Never too late for a change! All your husband needs, I think, is for you to strongly and joyfully declare yourself free from the drudgery. You know men...happily allowing us (women) to do more & more & more! Your answer to me makes me glad I decided to be on Ask. More power to you, relax, and I'll bet you will be more fun to be around, too! Best wishes!
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First of all, cross off like a dozen chores off your list. Then like sue2013 said, assign half of the chores to your husband. If those chores aren't done, well...that's his problem. If you don't iron or wash his clothes (or sheets), either he'll eventually do it himself, or wear dirty and wrinkly clothes to work.
Besides, just because you don't go to work doesn't mean that you have to stay indoors and do all the housework 24/7. Get at least a part-time job. If not, volunteer somewhere, or develop a hobby. Have some fun for once.

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thanks horse lover, good advice
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You're welcome! :)
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Sounds like it's time for you to play sick for a while, just so he will know how much you really do. House work doesn't look hard to the ones not doing it.
Play it out to the hilt, go to the doctor, come home saying the doctor said you needed to rest for at least three weeks. If he's as OCD as you say, he'll start cleaning pretty quick.

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Kookie...we keep missing each other. Good to see ya though!
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dustee
8)
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thankyou
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i have even concidered going on "wife swap" scince they typically switch with the complete opposite that would be a real shock to him but i could not subject another woman to this...it might due her in. lol. thanks again
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Muffe, let me know what happens, I'm interested to see how it works out. Good luck to you!!
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