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Should I ask my ex to choose between me or the guy she's talking to now? I want to get back together with her.

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Walk away while your pride is still intact. She's with someone new, and no one responds well to ultimatums. People have a tendency to wrongly believe in the permanence of situations. This likely isn't the last chance you'll ever have to be with her. Life is funny that way. And I say this for your own sake, honestly, you seem desperate. No woman has ever found that attractive. Pull yourself together before she sees it too.

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I'm not desperate I just lost a lot when I lost her and she knows that.
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Then she has all the control at the moment. I'm telling you, just step off for a while and let things run their course a bit. Wanting her won't bring her back. She needs to want you instead. Best means of accomplishing that is to assert your confidence and demonstrate you're the most worthy suitor. You can't do that on your knees begging or whining about choices she needs to make. You'll lose. Snap out of it man. And yes, after seeing your comments, and knowing you're willing to ask the advice of complete online strangers, you are desperate. That's not an insult. That's me saying 'hey, your fly is down'. You need to relax and gain some perspective. I'm old, lol. Trust me.
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Lol yeah I guess you're right idk I've just been a train wreck since I found out about the new guy. Well thanks for all the help. It is greatly appreciated :)
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You bet, best of luck.
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Thanks man quick question tho how do you propose I make myself out to be the most worthy suitor. I've been in this situation before and I almost had her back but then I screwed it up last minute. And to be honest idk what I did lol but I know how I screwed up and let's just say I was thinking with the wrong head like every other guy out there lol
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Just be sincere. If you say something, mean it and she'll recognize that. If you don't mean it, don't say it. She'll be more attracted to you if she sees you're not falling apart without her. Focus on yourself for a minute. Stay fit, stay groomed, and be happy. Go out and have fun without worrying about the situation. And *don't* stay in constant contact with her, texting, FB, all that crap. Men don't wear collars. . .until they're married, lol. All women are attracted to confidence, period. When you have it, she'll wonder what it is about that's so different and attractive. You've admitted whatever you did wrong, now stop dwelling on it. It's time to move forward. She'll either go with you, or with the chicken hawk loser who can't get his own girls, so he swoops in on troubled relationships. Be real. The choice will make itself obvious.
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OK thanks man like I said I'm giving her time to breathe and decompress and I'm doing the same I haven't tried to show her how messed up its made me but in think she can tell so I'll keep that more hidden but thanks for all your help. Take care
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Wait, no, don't hide it, just overcome it. You're only a mess if you believe it. You'll see man. Take care.
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I was anxious as hell to answer this, but Torngren pretty much covered it. Well put, Torn.
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Thanks, Matthew:)
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australis
@Torn does the same thing apply to men?Would it be to her advantage if she keeps her poise and not bother at all?Any attempt of reconciliation she makes will,he see it as irksome and just dim her chances even more?
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Australis, it work's exactly the same way for women:) People are always drawn to what they see as unattainable.
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australis
Thanks
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Don't make her chose, it puts stress on girls when they are forced to chose. Hope this helps! (:

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Yeah but I'm afraid that if I don't make her choose I'll lose her to the douchebag she's talking to now
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It does help thanks
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Somebody sounds jealous :O trust me, pressuring her will make everything worse
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Nope bad idea, she's already your ex. Telling her to choose will only push her toward choosing the other guy

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Think about why you aren't together now and why you called her your "ex". It's probably a good reason you aren't together now, so don't drag it out.

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No she just doesn't know what she wants and she's admitted it so I wanna show her what she wants
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>_> you need to stay out of that kind of "i don't know what I want" relationship bro TRUST me. Been there done that, and it didn't go well.
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I just need to show her I'm what she wants no offense I do believe you and I've been there too but this one is different
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lol come back to this post in a year...
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Well thanks for your input and don't feel like I didn't take it as trying to help cause I do thanks
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She's your 'ex' - so there's that. The best way to chase her off forever is to try and come between her and the new dude. He has the high-ground right now - you'll have to let it play out.

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Then my chance is gone to be with her again.
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It was 'gone' when she became your 'ex'. Why did that happen? Be honest with yourself as to what part you had in the split.
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It was a lot of my fault but I've fixes what I screwed up and now this dude comes along and well you get it from there
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It's rough, but life isn't always fair.
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No, you shouldnt have to compete. Find someone better that makes you their first and only choice(:

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I feel like I just need to show her that I'm her first and only choice but if I just let it play out then I've lost all chances of getting her back
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Look, youve gotta realize.. shes talking to another guy. Thats supposed to show you, shes trying to move on. Please, Ive been in this situation countless times where Ive tried to move on but my ex keeps saying how bad and how much he misses me.. It stressed me the hell out. Dont do that to her
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I'm not I'm giving her space but I know that if she ends up with this guy she's gonna get hurt and I care about her too much to let that happen.
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My thinking is that if she cherishes our friendship cause were just friends now and I'm trying to get back to bf status as soon as possible but if she cherishes what we have as friends and all that we've done and how much we still care about each other I should be the no brainer choice.
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I dont know, man. Id leave her alone. And if she did get hurt, shed crawl back to you and love you again. Your choice though
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Giving ultimatums is a bad idea

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Tell her if she wants to be with him that's okay and you two could just be friends and just tell her that you like her

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But that's not OK lol and if I do that then she will think I'm ready to move on and never give me a chance I'm currently just stepping back giving her some space. But the dude she's talking to is talking to his ex too but I know if I say something I'll be the asshole and I think he's a prick but she knows I saved him from getting his ass beat by one of my friends so if I'm not a saint for that mother Theresa was never one either lol
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After you figure out what you did to make her leave, tell her you still love her, and will be there if she needs a friend, or someone to talk to, then disappear. Not totally, but don't hang around so much that she puts out a restraining order.
While all this is happening, move on with your own life, fix what made her leave, so it doesn't happen with the next girl. Maybe you'll get a second chance.

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I'm giving her room to breathe and I'm stepping back and I already fixed what broke us up but I need to prove it to her
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If you love someone, set them free and if they come back to you then it's meant to be! Don't give her an ultimatum. You may not like the outcome. :0(

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Thanks for the help
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Your welcome. Hope everything turns out well for you.
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She's your ex and she deserves the opportunity to seek out another guy. Demanding ultimatums will get you no where fast. Go with the flow, let her do her thing. If its meant to be--IT WILL BE!

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OK thanks for the help
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I'm in the same position your in right now

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Sucks doesn't it?
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Yah it does:(
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Idk this whole situation has left me in a mess for the last week and I try to keep my mind off of it and nothing works and I constantly have the urge to go fight this dude but I know prison and losing this girl isn't worth it. I know wanting to fight shows weakness and immaturity but its like every emotion I have turns into anger lol I don't always act on it but I'm doing mg best to keep a cool head.
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I know
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If you think she's worth it! If you don't try you'll never feel like you did your best! But just remember if you give her an ultimatum that might be the end to ever trying again

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Does she want you back? She is your ex..it seems the choice was already made.
If she is talking to another guy things seem to be moving in another direction.

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