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I showed up at my boyfriend's house unannounced

and he got so angry he almost hit me. I didnt understand why he was so furious because he has visited me severally without calling me first and in my case it was the first time I did that.But he said I had invaded on his privacy and needed space and time alone. I apologised severally and asked for forgiveness that i wont repeat it but he says he hadn't forgiven me and that I should LEAVE HIM ALONE. What should I do?

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Break up with him! That's unreasonable for him to act this way when he does the same to you! He obviously isn't a good boyfriend...

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no hes not
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He is not treating you right. It might not seem like a big deal now, but this is probably just the begining. If you let him take advantage of you he will push it farther and farther. dont let that happen. Find a boy that truly cares for you for who you are, messy hair, no makeup, and likes you because of you and not for a phisical relationship. You need someone who will treat you right
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If he wants to be left alone, then leave him alone...for good. He sounds like a loose cannon to me...

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Mornin' Mikale... howz yooz?
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Im'z goodz...andz youz?
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Hangin' in there... the usual... commented back atcha under MY answer...
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Hey Mikale!!!
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call him and ask him whats going on just dont be annoying if he doesnt answer or hangs up dont keep calling back.

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Leave him alone---permanently. He sounds like a violent and unkind person. He has no business treating you that way, and you do not have to apologize over and over, you didn't really do anything wrong. Dump him, you can do better.

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Maybe he had other things bothering him and that s why he reacted that way with you. Either way, he s right. You gotta give him time to calm down. After he calms down, you can talk nabout it with him and get to the bottom of things, but try to not be too emotional. Show that you can deal with things. Only that way he will let you know. Pray to Jesus. Gby

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Are you crazy??? Is this how you would treat a girlfriend? Because his over the top reaction speaks volumes to his personality! This girl could be in danger with him. She should not walk away, nope! She should RUN!!
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Hey, its not like you ve never done the same in your life. And you dont know if its that something made him react that way that specific time, or if he s just like that. So you cant say he s like that. Havent you ever yelled at someone? Havent you ever wanted to hit someone?
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australis
Here we go again:trying to explain to guys like you that this kind of behaviour is not on.So what,if he had something else bothering him-you don't try to hit someone because of it.And excuse me but why should she ask for forgiveness?what did she do wrong other than go to visit?Yes,she should pray to Jesus and that will make it all better yeh?Gby
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Amazon1warrior
are you kidding?
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@ BryanIvanMercedPacheco Sure I've wanted to hit someone in my lifetime but I was taught as a child to think before I react. So you think that because someone is having a hard day or whatever it's ok to lash out and strike another???? I've never done this in my life. I like to think I have a little more self respect and respect for others to not be so obnoxious. If someone is in a relationship and the other person gets so upset at a surprise visit then it really doesn't sound like all is well in that relationship. You are entitled to your opinion and so am I. We are worlds apart on this issue it seems. Have a great day and be nice to your partner:)
@ australis I am in complete agreement with you girl!!!!
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australis
@campGirl thanks camp and it's good finally catching up with you
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Ditto! Ill check your Q&A's regularly to keep in touch.
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australis
Will do
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australis: It doesnt say he tried, it says he almost did. I didnt say she should apoligize, just that he was right about her waiting. If she goes there right away, maybe the same will happen again. I said she should wait until he calms down.

CampGirl: Its way more than just a bad day.. Infact, you saying that makes me think its something so bad that you cant imagine how bad... And he didnt strike another. And I d also think you ve never been through something even similar. So you dont know if you would react the same way or worse.

Also, maybe things arent so good between that relationship. Maybe things would be worse if she knew about all he goes through. Like when someone tries to help someone else and instead makes a bigger mess. Or like when someone says they fell down and needs to get up and instead of helping that person, people laugh at that person. What I meant by that was if someone is weak and close to failing, and says it, its not because they want to fail, its because they are asking for help. But the people see it as if it was that he wants to fail. That only sinks him deeper in the hole. So he wouldnt ask for help because he fears this will happen.

For example: I know this couple. He told his girl that he resisted cheating on her and she got mad at him. He was saying he barely had strengths to stay faithful and he needed her help. She thought he was saying he wanted other girls and not her. He asks for help, she sinks him deeper in the hole.

These are possibilities for the reason why things arent so well. Because they could be worse..
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BryanIvan.....The simple fact that he reacted the way he did to just an announced visit from his own girlfriend, someone he professes to care about or even love is reason enough to think he's being deceitful or even on the verge of being an abuser. I have been in an abusive relationship... I walked around trying to hide black eyes, all because I said hello to someone on the street or worked too many hours so he could use his drugs and bring another woman to our bed. Yes I wanted so badly to hit and beat him, but I walked away and started a new life. He was gentle in the beginning of the relationship but he couldn't pretend forever to be someone he wasn't. His true self finally showed it's ugly head. Ask yourself if your girlfriend showed up unannounced how you would personally react. Most people would be elated at the thoughtfulness of a surprise visit because it shows the other that they are being thought of. The couple you mention, she didn't react the way I would have. I agree we don't see eye to eye on this and that's ok with me. I wish you the best and hope your day is good. to
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He got angry and yelled and almost hit her, even tho it doesnt say he tried. You dont know what might be going on in his life. And you re not him and you havent lived his life to say what you would do or how would you react. Its not about you.

Dont think that by your experiences you can talk about other experiences. Even if both dont feel good, one person who got burned wont understand what a person who s freezing feels like, or how to deal with it.

Maybe its what everyone thinks, maybe its not. But until its not certified what s happening, no one can take a right decision. So the frist step is to find out. Not to run away. But to find out, first one has to wait for him to be calm. So he was right when he said to leave him alone. That way he can calm down and then he can talk about it.
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Blah! Blah! Blah!
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australis
Bryan,for the last time..it doesn't matter what was wrong with him,I couldn't care less if his house was on fire YOU DO NOT react that way.ALMOST hit her is bad enough.Why don't you understand???NO ONE has a right to get physically abusive with anyone DO YOU UNDERSTAND the point we are trying to make here?.And of course Camp is going to use her experiences as an example because her experiences help others see the warning signs.Get it?
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australis
@Camp.Hi Camp!You're back from your trip?I didn't end up going anywhere for the weekend,just went out with a few friends.How was yours?
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He didnt get physically abusive with her. And it does matter. Because maybe it has another remedy. And maybe the alternative can save two lives where the direct option could save one and doom one, or even doom the two lives. First, one finds out what s going on. Then one analyses the situation and then one decides what to do. But you re suggesting to skip the first step and substitute it with emotionally based ideas. That s just believeng your own ideas instead of finding out what the truth is. And then the second step is a little rushed without the first step. The choice you give is acceptable. But it would be better to first know what is happening. If he hasnt done anything to her so far, well, outside of his house, maybe he would talk about it. But have yo ever been thraumatized? No matter how cold it is, the ways to deal with cold dont work when one is dealing with heat.

First, talk and find out. Then analyze the situation, and then make a choice. Gby
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australis
Finally,someone with some common sense.I was going crazy trying to explain.
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@australis Hope you had fun with your friends this weekend. We were blessed with pouring rain all weekend so outside socializing was hampered somewhat.
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australis
@Camp Hey there Camp.My weekend on the other hand was blessed with a bit turmoil but nothing I can't handle.Sunday night was great.Went out and had a great time and I also won $1000 in some ridiculous contest and since I have a two week break from work,I think I'll do some shopping therapy.Shame about the rain
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No offense, but, its just that every time you comment here, it appears in my news. So, I think it would be better if you chatted somewhere else... thank you. And Gby
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australis
We will.Gby
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australis
Sorry about that.Didn't think of the activity box.
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Could happe to anyone, its okay. Amen (about the Gby)
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Sorry about that Bryan. Have a happy day
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I meant to say ''no problem :)''
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Ahh you dont need someone like that .. when you knock at the door he should be happy his girlfriends arrived , just talk to him on the phone or speak with his parents , maybe theres summet wrong ?

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drop him like a bad bad habit..no excuse for that..none.

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First of all, great member name. Secondly, I haven't heard that phrase in a very long time. Star for you. Enjoy your day!
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thank you..
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you're welcome.
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I agree! I agree! Drop him!!
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@Campgirl smiling... Good for you!
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apologies... CampGirl
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Leave him alone, perhaps permanently. He's too prickly to make husband material; either he's got something to hide, or he is too immature to allow for normal friendship rules in a relationship.
Would you be upset if a friend dropped over to say hi? No; it might be better if they called first, but it's commonly done among friends. In England, the old regieme serve tea at 3 to allow for such visits. So, tell him he needs to grow up a bit, and when he has, the relationship can continue as equals.

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I don't "see" you here often however, when you answer a question, your incite is quite refreshing. Thank you. Enjoy your day!
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Smiles!
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you should better talk to him when he is good mood or clam.... i think something might had gone wrong so he might have got frustrated..just talk to him and try to solve the matter.. :) best of luck..(sorry for stupid english)

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Leave him he's up too something... We (men) are all dogs! Didn't your mom ever tell you that?

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leave him alone he is probably cheating on you with another girl .. that's the only reason why he got mad but let him go and move on to another one hes not worth your stress

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you just received a sample of his true nature...its up to you if you want another taste of that.
perhaps, he has something embarrassing that he wants to hide. regardless, he handled the situation badly, by hurting you in the process. i would be offended by his reaction if i were at his door step. he owes you the apology and an explanation

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You're right on target!!
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There's something going on there that he doesn't want you to know about. I won't even begin to guess at the possibilities, but it seems rather obvious that he's hiding something from you... Find out what it is! Or, just dump him, he's sneaky.

I just did the same thing... kinda... I showed up at my ex-husband's (been the "ex" for 16 years) house w/ my friend & WE found it hysterical... I don't think his g/f appreciated my "pop in" visit, though... Eh, she'll get over it... hehehe! XD

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that's funny......lollollol
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Sweet...Mr.B?
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I thought so!
It wasn't planned at all, my friend & I stopped at another friend's house, a guy I hadn't seen in a couple years. He told me my ex was living 2 houses away; told me to go knock on his door... so... I did! Hey, "whateves," I just happened to be in the neighborhood, ha!! XD
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No, MrB... eh... well...we haven't spoken in a month now & I actually care very much about him. :(

My ex-husband, though -- psshht!! I couldn't care less, ha!! :D
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That sounded like fun...did he invite you in for tea and krumpets?
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Stirring up trouble again are you @ABU? Laughing... Enjoy your day!
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Nah, I was only there very briefly, didn't feel like it was too terribly comfortable for him and/or his girl.
I didn't do it spitefully, I have no negative feelings toward him at all -- no hate, no love -- no "anything." I "indifferent" him these days... 8)

I dunno... it was just one of those spur of the moment things, & our mutual friend who I DID intend to see (up the street), kinda "egged me on" -- he found it amusing! :D

Oh, and that surprised look on his face... aah... priceless!! 8)
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Absolutely. Priceless! Thanks for making me laugh. By-the-way, you've never appeared to me, due to how you post open-minded, educated answers, to be a vindictive soul. Enjoy!
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I'm really not vindictive at all, it wasn't anything like that. Plus, we've been divorced since '97... it was just immature silliness!
The friend with me got a kick out of it -- SHE insisted that I knock 'cause she'd never met him & was soooo curious to see what he was like... well, she got to see what he was like when he's in shock! XD

I didn't think it was the best/nicest idea... but, I have to admit, it was quite amusing! :D
Been thinking I ought to send an email apology; hope my impromptu "visit" didn't cause a fight... hope his g/f isn't the crazy, jealous-type!
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@ABU I think you misunderstood me. I typed, "to me, you "do not" appear to be vindictive". Wasn't inferring you are. I thought what you did was something you should have done since you were in the neighborhood and all...
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Oh no, I didn't think that; I was only confirming that you were right about it -- I'm really not a vindictive person... not even waaaay back when I was 1st divorced... well, I will admit to having some vindictive thoughts at the time, but I never acted on 'em, ha! 0:)
Yep -- the only reason I knocked was 'cause I was right there... just couldn't pass up that opportunity to say hello! I've been giggling over it since then (Tues. night)... awww, the poor ex, no way he could have seen that (ME!) coming! We haven't seen each other in a very, very long time... I sure shocked him! :D
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Shock away doll, shock away.
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I love that you did this! Made me laugh loudly!!:))
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Leave him alone, forever. People who act like that are hiding something. Plus if he almost hit you, that is not someone you want to be around. What makes you think he won't hit you next time? Stay away, far away.

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Break up with him you dont need to be treated like that

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good idea
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just ask him if you can stay ive done that before he never got mad at me

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hey
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You did nothing wrong... he should be happy to see you. He's not worth your time, good luck, hon.You deserve someone better

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break up w/ him you don't deserve to be treated like that(no one does) and if he got that mad he's hiding something from you.my ex bf did the same thing then i found out that him & my best friend were sleeping together.so yes break up with does it to you.

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YOU apologized? You asked for FORGIVENESS? Why? What did you do wrong? If HE can do it, why can't YOU? His response was not appropriate for the situation, so I suspect he is up to something. Are you the needy type? Do you NEED to be in this relationship? Is this what you want, for the rest of your life? Use this time to reflect of this, and determine what it is you want in a healthy relationship.

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Well said medic614!
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Young love... Your so-called boyfriend is an ass. For me, I do not like when people just "stop" by however, his "over-the-top" reaction to your "kind" action is inexcusable. He "almost" hits you. So he could possibly, one day, hit you? Then you apologize until you are blue in the face and beg forgiveness? Life's too short doll. You learned a valuable lesson and I hope you will see, this is not the "guy" for you.

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Agreed -- all of it -- and, he is an @zz, for certain.
I can't stand "pop in" visits (unless I'M the one "popping," haha!); I refuse to answer my door if anyone knocks & I'm not expecting company... ;-)
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I've never enjoyed "pop overs" I don't care how good a friend the person is. I've nothing to hide I've always been this way except as a child when we always went to visit our friends as they did us.
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Well... I'm living alone at the moment, & since my injury/surgery, I'm unable to run if I had to, so I just feel safer not answering my door unless I'm expecting someone. My friends know how I feel about it, so they'll call 1st! :)
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Break up with him. He probably is cheating on you thats why. Plus you shouldnt waste your time, if he really likes you he will be begging for you back in a day or two

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Okay, first, if he comes over to your house all the time, you should be able to go to his house too. He probably is hiding something, or maybe he's cheating and he doesn't want you to know. Either way, you should break up with him if he threatens to hit you, he's not worth it.

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My boyfriend got mad at me for the same thing, when he comes over my house unannounced all the time even when I tell him not too. I went once and he was pissed and I could honestly care less because he came over my house hella times unannounced. So you know what it's not up to your boyfriend it's up to you to umm stop caring. He wants to be left alone say OK and leave him alone. And you DON'T apologise he has no right to be upset. If he really wants you he will realise he's an idiot and come back on his own. If he doesn't yeah he never really cared much about you to begin with, it sucks but it's true. Might as well see if he's trash now, so far he's a hypocrite.

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kazarina

This is the real man your in love with. Not much of a man in my book. See the light & give him the big flick. When he comes sniveling back, don't answer the door or answer his calls. He'll get the message.

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He probably had another chick there. Did he allow you inside? Yet he abused & belittled you. I think you can do much better. Find a sweet loving gentle guy.

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RUN!!! If he does it once he will do it again. Ive been there believe me and it gets worse everytime. I dont care how cute he is,how much you think you love him,,he doesnt care about you if hes hitting you.no second chances.first time he will hit you second time he punches you third time he puts you in the hospital and 4 th time he may kill u.he isnt worth it ...

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Sounds like he has secrets, is immature and selfish. I'd dump his a** so fast he wouldn't know it til tomorrow!!! Why would you let someone that is suppose have sweet, warm, fuzzy feelings for you treat you this way? Don't let anyone treat you like this.

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australis
well said camp
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australis
just finished telling off our buddy BRYANIVAN can you believe the nerve of that guy?
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Thanks girl. I gave him a piece of my mind also. He evidently has issues as well!
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@CampGirl. I left you a comment under briefandpointless. Gave you a golden star the day we all posted answers too. Your post was good!
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I love stars...just not floating around in my head after a punch!!! Thanks:)
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not good sounds like he was hiding something, drop him like a bad habit

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dump his sorry butt

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Look for a new boyfriend

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I would say leave him! He wouldn't have acted like that if he didn't have something to hide maybe he was trying to make it clear not to come over unannounced just in case he had a little company! No girl deserves that!

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Either he's hiding something, or something in his culture demands this 'respect' from women. I wonder if he's like that with his male friends...ask him (when he's in a reasonable mood)

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Dump him fast!! its unreasonable and rude! plus if he is that angry, he is probably hiding something. even if he isn't, that is no way to treat you and you shouldn't put up with it!

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Dump that jerk of a dude

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Leave him alone and dump him

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Break up with him!!!!

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i suggest you break up with him, cz first he almost hit you,second im sorry to say this but when a guy does that he could be cheating on you...but ask first to be sure!

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He sounds like a whiney little bitch. That, or he's hiding something. Probably cheating. But I can only speculate.

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dump him.

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Giiiirrrrllll you should send him a thank you card for showing you his true colors!!! Doll, he is a loser!! Let him go...Seriously, you sound pathetic apologizing and kissing his ass...Trust me babe, always have class but don't ever allow anyone to walk on you...When someone shows you who they are, believe them...Now go find yourself a nice boy and quit hangin with these wanna be bad boys...Losers in the making...Peace

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Listen... Don't get so cautious about it... Some people aren't comfortable with certain things like that. For example... When I use the restroom I have to seal every crack in the door before I can even go.. and if for some reason I forgot to lock the door and someone walked in on me... I would be furious... exceeding furious! Because I have issues.. But there is no way anyone could have known I had issues otherwise. Your boyfriend may just have a similar issue and you completely invaded his privacy... something he maybe wasn't comfortable letting you know yet. Don't Jump to cheating conclusions just yet.

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Sounds like there is more to this story. IF you guys are truly together and not broken up but you havent accepted the break up yet (I only say that cause I have known plenty of girls who get in denial about a break up) then I am saying hands down he had another girl in the house. Be cautious with him sounds like there is more going on that he does not want you to know about. My opinion that's extremely unreasonable I LOVE my privacy but I would never got that defensive and mad over something like this

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if he NEARLY hit you, who says he won't do it when he next gets fired up about something? he seems a bit violent and unpredictable from what you've said. Talk to him about how you felt when he did that and see where it goes from there. if he gets angry like that again i say leave him. you don't need someone who's supposed to support and love you scaring you with his anger

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Maybe he acted so mad because you showed up unannounced and he had a female over and got scared you would find out so he reacted like that.

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Dump his sorry, pissed ass

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His reaction is way uncalled for, talk to him about it and work it out, if he won't end it.

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seriously! RUN he is no good. i know these signs -.-

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wow his hiding something he doesnt deserve you...your his girlfriend you dont have call or warn him then he threatens to hit you.... no that's not right you should dump him and dont dare apologize

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Totally agree!!!
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Sounds like he may be in another relationship or married, move on, you don't need to worry about someone who is absolutely hiding something, he's not worth it.

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thats what it looks like
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He's probably hiding something from you. If he is hiding things from you then you shouldn't stay with him. Secrets aren't good in a relationship.

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