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How do I with celebrating Mother's Day alone after a horrible break-up?

I don't want to fall apart on Mother's Day ... but my sons father is with another woman who he cheated on me with and who has his first daughter and I don't know what I can do to distract me on this day... I have my son but its not the same.... what should I or could I do?

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Try not to put so much importance on THAT day... Put emphasis on everyday!
Just be there and helping the healing

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I do.... its just when people ask, not intentionally, did you and your son have a good mothers day? It hurts!.... I mean we will try and have a good mothers day but just knowing that my sons father is going to be spending this day and probably fathers day with his new family sucks!... thank you
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Yes it does hurt.. But not as much as it hurts your Don
I'm sorry but your focus needs to be on him from now on.. Not picking losers to take you away from him
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Your son that is
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yea.... I have honestly set my standards higher... I would love to find a better job and do so much more with and for my son... its ridiculous out here ...
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Seriously3
@Blades, good answer. The everyday living is so important.
@areynilds, spending Mother's Day with your son can be the midst special time of your life. It doesn't matter if it's just the two of you. It's okay if you just go to the park. Thank God you have your little guy and enjoy him. When people ask, stiffen your backbone, take a deep breath, look them straight in the eye, and say, "Yes, we had a fabulous Mother's Day. Thank you for asking." ( Believing it is half the battle.)
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Seriously3
Lol, most not midst!
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A.... We always have time to change our path.. I was reminded of that this weekend in a kayak.. I wanted to go on one side of the river.. But I changed course at the last minute..it was good I did :)
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I agree Diane! A positive attitude and determination can move mountains
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Seriously3
Blades, I like happily ever after endings, but sometimes we have to change our expectations.
I'm curious about your kayak choice. Sounds interesting!
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Oh I was excited to be out there.. Much like falling in love... Running on emotion, not common sense...
Then at the last minute seeing that its not a good thing...maybe even unhealthy ..
Social quickly paddled to a better spot :)
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So I .. Not social
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Seriously3
I'm glad you saw the need in time! It's easy to run on emotion rather than common sense. For the moment it feels better!
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Yea ... I am going to see if the zoo is open or something... I have gotten us fishing poles but I don't know how to take the fish off the hook... my son says he does but it makes me nervous.... I am trying to still complete the broken promises that his dad made to him so that my son doesn't miss out... like fishing.... we had a great day the other day at the park ... it was nice... I need to stop focusing on the past and just enjoy the now and present... thank you both!...
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Seriously3
Sounds like you're making good choices. You will be making great memories. Our zoo has $1 day where everyone gets in for a dollar. Sometimes theaters have $1 movies. Your local library should have a summer reading program. Ours offers really nice prizes for reading a certain number of books.

Do things you want to do -not because they are broken promises made by another person, but because the two of you want to do them.

You are strong enough to do this. Years later your son will thank you for all you did. He will admire your love for him and your strength. Trust me, I know this for a fact. :)
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thank you ... I will see what my town has for this summer.... I hope he really does realize how much I love him...
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Seriously3
He knows, sweetie. My son is grown and recently I apologized that I hadn't been able to do a lot of things for him when he was younger - he missed out on a lot due to lack of money. Know what he said? "Mom, I thought I had a wonderful childhood until you started telling me differently." I shut my mouth!!
Your guy knows. He'll recognize all the love and commitment you have for him.
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thank you....I am going thru so much.... I don't know how to fix how I feel.... I just wish that his father's family would say something to his father to step up but they don't seem to care either....
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Seriously3
Oh, I know. It's going to take a while to shift your thinking.
Hear me on this, please. I know what I'm talking about, okay? Do not wait around for your ex to turn into the perfect father. Maybe he will - if he does, I will be your biggest cheerleader! I promise you that. What if he doesn't? How many years are you willing to sacrifice just waiting?
I just want you to learn from my experience. It's hard, but starting with this question you posted, begin living your life to the fullest - living the best you can for you and your son. Try hard to not think, "when" or "if" - they just jumble your thoughts and keep you distracted. Look ahead and know that you have a wonderful life with your son. Maybe, just maybe, the perfect dad will join you two somewhere along the way. I hope so, but if not, it will be okay. I can assure you of that. :)
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Hang out with your friends. Watch your favorite shows, and have a nice bowl of ice cream. Go shopping and treat yourself to a beauty day! (:

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That would be nice .... I cant do anything like that because I have PTSD and cant find a decent job these days.... but I will try and do something fun with my son ... thank you
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Just try to make her happy! My parents are separate and I just try to make her happy an it works:)

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yea... my son is 8 and sometimes he acts up... so I hope he understands that I really need him to just have fun and be happy on mothers day... he probably will... I just don't want to hear about how special everyone elses mothers day was...
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Remembering his name is the last thing you want. Mother's Day is your day, go places with your kid, go shopping, go to your mother's house. There are multiple things you can do. It might be hard at first, but just block him out

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I will try... I just don't want to hear about what other females got for mothers day from their companion.... I hope mothers day goes smooth and me and my son have a good day... my son and his father used to do special things for me.... not this year tho... my son will probably make me a card if he doesn't want to go to his grandmas.... thank you
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I have been going through the same thing for almost 2 years. I do not even know how to tell you how to get through it. You are going to be in a great deal of pain. I had no family around and was alone. Do you have someone to be with? Family? Someone?

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I have my son who is 8 but its not the same is all.... im sorry to hear about what you go thru too.
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I wish I could help. You are lucky to have your son. I had no one. If you want I could give you my email.
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yea that is fine... Me and his father were going to have a little girl at least we were talking about it.... and he goes and gives this other woman a daughter and leaves us for her.... I cant even look at baby girls without crying.... it is extremely hard.. I have to tell my son that I have something in my eye when we are out in public and to see other families my emotions start up again... I am very lucky that I have my son but he may want me to drop him off at his grandmas house and then I may feel sad all over again... who knows....
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awe hang out with your son and your friends that are also mothers and make it a outting for all the mothers and there kids and go out to lunch and take the kids out to amusement park,shopping,arcade/resteraunt where ever you guys want and treat yourself to a spa and get your nails done make a cake with your son and watch movies together =)

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those are good ideas! thank you..... my son usually makes me a card and I love him with all my heart.... it just sucks to know that someone that I was with, had a child with, and put me thru all this b.s. could move on so quickly and is probably going to celebrate mothers day with the girl he cheated on me with....
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im sorry sweetie i hope you have a wonderful mothers day and your welcome sweetie
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thank you... you too.... (:
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Count your blessings you have a son. Imagine you did not have your son. Spend the day having fun with him and be grateful;)

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Great advice...
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Thankyou. Very kind of you to say
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Very true.... but if I did not have my son I probably wouldn't be so upset over mothers day either... I definetly am spending mothers day with him like I always do and have fun but it is just reality setting in for me.... but thank you.... you are right!
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There is no way to tell you how to feel or get over it. My advise, TRY to focus on the most important person in your life.(your son) plan something and do it!

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I will do.... thank you!... and thank you for not telling me how I should feel ... my family just doesn't get it... they feel I should be over him already... and I really probably should but my heart isn't healed yet and I still get angry and upset over everything.....
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You are welcome. Its not easy. You are strong. You have to be. You have someone else that depends on you. Happy Mothers Day and best wishes to you both.
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thank you so much!
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U r welcome!
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fritzmerde

I'm lost, correct me if I'm wrong. It's called Mothers Day, not wife day, not lover day it's Mothers Day. It is your special day as a Mother, it is the time for your offspring to say thank you for all you've done for me. Thank you for being there to fix my boo boos as a child, for working hard to make sure that I had what I needed, for making me feel loved, for making me believe in myself, for setting me up to succeed in life, knowing right from wrong, good from bad. I love you for attending my games, driving me to practice after working your butt off. It is the time for your son to let you know that what you did was important. The shrinks in the 70s pushed the BS that motherhood & being a wife wasn't important, & women bought it. It is the hardest job in the world because it is around the clock, there's no 8 hour day, no weekends off & no pay check. Your reward for raising your son is his success. You'll find another man, you can't find other children. Enjoy your day, you're a mother. Your EX is a mother, but not the kind we celebrate.

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Beautiful! The last line is a gem!
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Great answer fritz!
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Seriously3
I'm going to be quoting your last sentence!!
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That is so true!!!.. I guess I never thought of it that way before.... my son makes me a card... I just hope I can realize what you said is the truest of all on that day ... and my emotions don't act up... thank you!
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australis
What everyone else said fritz.A child is a blessing and an ex is just that an ex.great answer
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Your heart is broken and right now that's all you can think about. Use this day as a thank you to your child for getting to be his mother. Remember, your real future is your precious son.Tell him Mother's Day is coming up and that he and you are going to do something special together. Keep so busy you won't have time to think about that other scum bag, because frankly, he doesn't deserve a moment of your thoughts. I suggest this. Can you afford to spend the night in a hotel , not expensive but still nice, with your son that has an indoor pool? Maybe also go to a small theme park?Anything to get you out of town and in another environment? You could stay up late, eat breakfast, and go out for the day having no cares. If that's not possible, plan a picnic lunch and go to a nice park, bowling, a great movie, and then come home to cake and ice cream that says Happy Mom and Kids Day. Try to turn your thinking around just enough to where you both will remember happiness this day. Take lots of pictures a make a photo book of your day.

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I promise you this will get better. I went through a similar thing when my boy was small. I found spending those lonely moments into memories of joy and haleness was the best thing to do. Make that jerk sorry he did this to you by succeeding in your happiness .And make your child feel safe and secure through this difficult time in your life. Be the victor. Rise above your ex's low standards he's chosen for HIS life and make YOUR NEW life one of envy. If you can, invite another friend who has a child and you can split expenses ONLY if it makes things easier. Otherwise just you and your child. Make a memory book he can look at forever until adulthood of this day.
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Great advice, especially about getting out of her regular environment. Holidays are tough after a recent break up, traditions are so important to us women... Time for new ones!
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Sincerity, as usual you and your advice are priceless!
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Great ideas Sincerity!:-)
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Seriously3
Great answer!
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Yea it was really good advice!... thank you... I guess I should mention the only reason I haven't healed up is I have no closure on why he did what he did to me and my son.... he almost killed me infront of our son and told my son not to say anything with my blood splattered on him... my son called the police but now my son and I have PTSD and he wants to live with my mom.... I saw my son's father for the first time since 2011 ... when the beating occurred.... and he said he was sorry and how he is there for his daughter who is 13 months and all that.... but he isn't there for his son ... who is going to be going thru puberty and then fathers day is coming up and I am going to have to watch my son cry... it just sucks.... I don't even like holidays anymore... everything depresses me..... I will try something new this mothers day and see how it goes tho.... thank you.
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The 13 month old is by the girl he cheated on me with....
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Thank God you are not with him then . You get into therapy and learn to love who is really important YOU and your SON
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yea... we have both been in counseling from this... it didn't help but this website does and everyone who is replying helps because everyone is honest and don't know me personally so they are being straight forward and not sugar coating things... I am going to change how I think ... it just takes time.... thank you
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Seriously3
You're going to make it through! I read a quote that said, "If you're going through hell, keep going." (Winston Churchill)
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yea.... I feel I am getting stronger going thru this ... even tho it hurts and sucks ... I will come out of this situation with more knowledge and strength... I am trying to stay focused on positives and good times and staying away from negative things that will make my path harder to walk thru... thank you
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Seriously3
It hurts, it sucks, and it's not fair. But, I like your attitude and you're going to be so strong! Your welcome. Thank you for trusting us with your problem. :)
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thank you for helping me thru it....
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Seriously3
I'm here if I can help at any time. I know the others feel the same way. :)
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thank you!
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Hold your son dear, I like Sincerity's advice of getting out of your regular environment. As best as you can, bring out the humorous side of yourself and do something active and fun. Start a new mothers day tradition. Laughter and exercise is good medicine. Sorry for your heartache, you are going through a tough situation.

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Thus is perfect. If she could get out of the everyday environment-maybe visit friends-but yes started a new tradition. I understand SO MUCH how she feels. We want Mothers Day to include what we consider a whole family, but her ex has ruined that. Maybe she and her son could make a cake together that day for Mom and acids Day, their new tradition.
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Kids day not acids day** what's the deal with my typing ???
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LOL ... acids day... I am going to try something new... hopefully me and my son will have a good day.... I just know fathers day is coming up and my son is going to be broken... and I guess another reason I am upset is I was with him for 9 years and he could leave his family for a girl he claims he had a one night stand with and a daughter who doesn't know him... my son needs his father and it is sometimes the worst feeling in the world to feel that we are so disposal and how easy it is for him to throw us to the side and get rid of us.... thank you for your advice ... I will try something new this mothers day....
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Seriously3

Sweetie, I feel your pain. I found out my ex-husband was cheating on me on Mother's Day. We got back together and he informed me he was leaving on another Mother's Day. It was just me and my young son.
My ex didn't contribute anything financially and my paycheck wasn't that big. So, for Mother's Day I couldn't afford anything fancy. We would go to the local park, have a picnic, and play. Sometimes we would just play outside. I would try to do special things like make his favorite breakfast and my favorite lunch or play special games.
This might sound silly but I didn't allow jumping on the couch, however, on Mother's Day and birthdays we BOTH would jump on the couch. I'd put on some music and we would giggle and jump!
It seems like the end of the world, but you will make it!

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Morning Twin!! Love the Jumping on couch!! Nice way to make a special day with kid(s)!! Have a good day at school!!:-).
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Seriously3
It was fun! :)
No school for me - I'm yucky.
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Yeah.. saw your previous comment.:(. Go to bed, sent you blankies!! drink lotsa liquids and feel better soon!
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Seriously3
I'm in bed, lol. As soon as I get a return text from school, I'm off of here. Maybe before. Bye.
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I really like this advice.... I have no extra money... and his father isn't paying his child support but tells me how he is taking care of his daughter from the other female.... I went thru 9 years of hell.... literally beating me everyday infront of our son but this other female comes along and he can just treat her and this child great... my son and I deserves a sincere apology....but my sons father lies to us and the apology never is sincere.... why does he care so much for this other female.... I don't want to be back with my ex .... I just want him to treat me and our son special on that day..... considering we did sooo much for him and went thru so much b.s. for him and he can give a female who cant say she cares for him as much as we have, his time on mothers day.... I wonder will he even think of us on that day.... will he .... or is he going to be so occupied doing special things for his new family.... I am struggling... I cant remember the last time I bought my son anything... and it tears me up inside because I have always bought my son things in the past and claimed it came from his father because his father wouldn't get a job... now his father got his GED, going to college... getting a job... what makes his new family so special.. and why are we so left alone..... my son got his first trophy the other day and mentioned his father.... and he has a spring concert he is singing in and his father is not going to be there... my son has positive men influences in his life but they are there when they have time... my son is darker skin because he is biracial and sometimes he feels bad for being darker... I love him and all of him .... but it just sucks... thank you tho.... I hope you feel better too....
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Seriously3
@areynolds, I can only tell you about my experience. My son's father was never there. I wanted so much for him to be there or at least call him every week. It didn't happen.
Bottom line is you can't change his father. You need to concentrate on you and your son. It sounds like you are going through what I did - you want your son to have the perfect father. He deserves it, right? But we can't change these men, sweetie. We need to find new influences for their lives. Please don't waste your life waiting on him.
I would not buy anything else and say it's from his Dad. You're building his Dad up and tearing yourself down. Your son can handle the truth. Now, I never allowed anyone to speak poorly of my son's father in front of him - but I never lied to make his father look better. When he gets older and finds out you bought that stuff, he may feel resentful that you lied to him.
Question: Would it really mean that much for the man that beat you and ignores his son to spend your special day with you?
I won't lie, you have a long road ahead of you, but don't you think it's best that abusive man is out of the picture? You deserve better than that. Why not check to see if there's free counseling. I think it would help you to work through the abuse.
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australis
Star
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Seriously3
Thanks, friend!
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australis

It's good to have occasions when we can have a special celebration with those we love AND you do sweety.You have your SON.Make this your special day and celebrate the fact that you have each other.Make it a mother...son day.Forget about your ex and who he's sharing this day with,leave him there in the past where he belongs.Don't hurt your little man by allowing him to see the pain you are enduring now.Allow him to make you happy.That's what every child wants.To see his mothers precious,precious smile.You both deserve the best.Do not neglect yourself and your son make the most of any special event that comes along.Life is too short and you have a son that adores you and looks up to you.Savour his love.

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yea... I do and I will try to forget about his father... man if I think mothers day is hard... I wonder how hard fathers day will be...LOL... hopefully my son doesn't realize fathers day..... thank you.....
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australis
Trust me I know how painful it is and you are allowed to feel like this.It takes time and don't be too hard on yourself.It's not your fault.I promise you it will all get better but not right now.It can't happen when we want unfortunately.First step is to try and love yourself and I guess that's always the hardest to do BUT you must.It's imperitive that you do,a lot rides on that you know.I'm here for as long as you need me arey please don't hesitate to contact me.I know how important it is to be able to talk to someone.I'm here for you.
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thank you... that means so much to me.... I really should be over him and I think I really don't even want him... I think it is an obsession to make him want me and for me to have the chance to hurt him and deny him.... and to make the other girl upset which isn't right ... and I know... its just the only thing that I feel may make my hurt go away.... I keep hoping I would run into him just so I can leave him feeling like he misses me and I could have the chance to play mind games with him.... I was with my friend the other day who has a 18 month old daughter and I started crying because I feel he took what I always wanted away from me.... Me and him were talking about having a baby girl when he cheated and then he gave this girl a daughter... We would have had one but I kept telling him to wait because we needed to be more financially stable to support our children ... I guess he couldn't wait....And he is missing soooo much from our son.... my son just got his first trophy last week and is in a spring concert this week and I feel bad that my son doesn't have a father to be proud of him.... all my son wanted and tells me is that sometimes he wishes he could see his dad to wrestle with him and take him fishing and play basketball with him.... but he also says how he understands that me and his dad cant be together because his dad hits me.... that crushes me ... and to see my son cry when he is around people who are around their dad and their dad is playing with them... it just makes me feel like I need to find anyone to be there for him... but I cant trust just anyone... I don't know.... thank you again....
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australis
I can't believe it!!! I just spent an hour answering you and I deleted by mistake.Arey,you are allowed to feel like this and you have nothing to feel ashamed about.Half of the women on this planet go through the same motions and ask themselves the same questions.We all want to see them suffer for the pain they have caused us and we plan and ponder,cry and so on.In the end when your pain will subside so will your need to see him suffer and all you will feel is pity for the LOSER.He is missing out on everything not you and the time will come when he'll want to get to know his son and his SON WON'T be interested.That is what will hurt him the most.Don't feel envious of the so called ideal life he depicts,once an abuser always an ABUSER.What you need to do is focus on yourself and your little man.YOU NEED to talk and be with your friends and if they can't be there for you whenever you need them..you can always count on me.I KNOW.
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Seriously3
Great advice, friend. I've been sick so I'm just here for a few minutes..
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australis
What's wrong??I hope it's nothing serious.I'm tired and don't know what else.This is the first time I have answered so many questions on ask..don't know if you have noticed.I must be losing it.
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australis
I just saw your answer and I swear this is way too.... you know what.
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Seriously3
I hadn't noticed, I just got on. I caught the bug, but I'm doing better.
Do you mean we could write each other's history? :)
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australis
Exactly.This has never happened to me before.Should we be spooked???
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Seriously3
We could or we could wonder if there's a reason. I don't spook easily, so I'm thinking we are meant to help each other.
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australis
I"ll tell you a secret.I"m not as tough as my avatar but I would like to think it's because we are meant to help each other.
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Seriously3
I like your avatar! There's nothing wrong with choosing what we'd like to be. I am not sure what that means concerning MY avatar! Lol!
So we agree we are to help each other. That's a good start, right?
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australis
Agreed.Your avatar reminds me of something serene and beautiful.
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Ah, you ladies very are kind and helpful. The ability to be real and share personal experiences is what helps people the most I think.
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australis
Thank you jacqueline.
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Seriously3
@australis, how sweet! I was thinking lightweight and fluffy!
@Jacqueline, you're right. I think it helps to know someone has been there.
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Seriously3
Thanks, Jacqueline!!
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@areyrenolds37, your picture is beautiful! Usually it is the kind hearted woman who is beautiful inside out that an abusive man is attracted to. Would you pls consider reading a book called "Why Does He Do That" by Lundy Bancroft. This book clearly spells out the thinking patterns of abusive and controlling men with such clarity you will be grateful. I went through a terrible abusive first marriage, divorced, did the counseling and thought I was doing well. Chose the complete opposite kind of guy for my second marriage... Boy he was so boring and predictable I thought I could count on things to be stable. Long story short after two years of dating we got married and he began showing signs of abuse, just a different kind. He was a verbal abuser. I had a hard time sorting things out because it's not as easy to detect as physical. Anyway, after reading this book I filed for divorce. It was so clear that he would never change and treat me any different. Life is too short to be miserable like this. I am so much happier alone, I am free to be the fun humorous person I used to be. The kids and I do fun stuff- couch jumping stuff... dancing to music, reading story after story, walks and trips to the park, all with out worrying about what time some ass is going to be home and expect his dinner and a clean quiet house. Anyway, just thought I would share. Another statistic from Lundy's book that's sad is that 1 in 3 women will experience abuse in their lifetime. Which means so many women are out there suffering. We live in a society that exploits women as objects. It sucks but we can do something about it, we can work hard to find the beauty inside and never stand for being treated poorly. I truly hope you can let this man go, get the help and healing you need and be happy again. Best to you :-) (read that book!!!!)
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Seriously3
Beautiful, Jacqueline! :)
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australis
That was beautiful Jacqueline.Nice to meet you.I have also read that book and also The Road Less Travelled by M.Scott Peck.Both helped me tremendously in my quest for happiness and freedom.Thanks again.
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Seriously3
Okay, girls, I've got to check these books out!
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Ty :-) I will have to look into that book. One thing I love about Ask is the encouragement and kindness I see from others. Have a great evening.
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Seriously3
You have a great evening too!
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australis
That's so true jacqueline and please check out the book.Seriously,hope your feeling better soon.I will check in on you.Take care girls.
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australis
Go rest Seriously or I will scold you.....don't want you staying away too long ok,so get better.
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Seriously3
See you later!
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@australis and @jacqueline3... thank you both... I really appreciate people who don't know me caring so much... since I been on this website .... my thinking has changed.... I am realizing how fortunate I was to have met this jerk to have my son and how grateful I should be that I don't have to deal with the jerk... and at least this way my son may turn out to be nothing like his father... and will respect women.... thank you both so much... I will rent that book at the library next time I go....
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australis
You very welcome areynolds
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That was beautiful.. Thanks for sharing it with me :)
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Seriously3
Blades! Australis and I have been trying to find you. Wait here and I'll see if I can get her for you!
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