2 years ago
Last edited at 6:13PM on 10/28/2011
The above answer that suggests that your friendship and support is very important, like visiting and spending time with her is right on the mark. Any funny book or video that you can rent or purchase for her are excellent choices. Studies have shown that humor can help the healing processes both physically and mentally!
I#039;m afraid any gift you give her now will later become just a sad reminder of this terrible time and not the token of friendship you hope it will be. That said, gifts like inspirational books, funny movies, a bed jacket, new robe, things like this are good for when she goes into the hospital.
Lots of love and support, hugs and someone to talk to would be the best gift you could give her. My Sister-in-law just found out she had breast cancer and right away she had to have both breasts removed. She will have to start chemo. And knows her hair will fall out so she went for a new hairdo. She had her hair cut real short and went and bought sme cute wigs. You could take her for a new hair do and spa day. Or..ask her what is it she has always wanted to do but never got the chance to do it. Or go to a movie and dinner.
HONEST (been the one people try to get things for...) If you are close, give her something between you two. If not, dont. This is a time for "real" friends. She will need you to just be there. watch movies while she feels like its too hard. Just be there on a Tues. when it seems the worst. Try and do things that remind her of who she is as a person if you can. WE ARE NOT CANCER, we are (put name here), cancer just bit us. Remind her to bite back in "our way." Mine is jokes... for someone else it may be hooking rugs or... whatever un-funny people do. Just remember, your friend is still your friend, she IS NOT CANCER. The only way cancer wins is when it takes personalities away. Sometimes, it feels like that. Do your best to remind her of who she is with or without this monkey on her back. (p.s. many people in my life never knew JUST SO they wouldnt give me crappy flowers... flowers are AWESOME, AND HELP, but only if you come every week and put new ones out (one of my friends did) just so my table would be pretty. I have kept it up to remind me how nice it was to have someone love me and flowers every week.. flowers in the mail made me sad. like it was pity, not love.
Time and an ear. If she is a dear friend you might bring or send her flowers. As time progresses you might offer to take her to a doc appt or treatment. People have a hard time asking for help so saying "let me know if I can do anything" is nice but difficult. So many things can be helpful and if she is a dear friend, you can just do something, anything. Take the kids for a few hours, or do the laundry or...offer to help with Christmas shopping....
I'm a guy so I guess I'm a "Survivor", by proxy. My aunt had it, her daughter, has it, my wife's grandmother had it, so it runs in the family on both sides! I'm a fighter & supporter, as you can see from the pink square & star 'round my pic! Give her your truest friendship! A BIG shoulder, time, love, support,etc... As most all the above ANS, have stated! Offer to drive her to the doc/hosp. so she's not alone! If you two are religious,pray together, for a healing! If ur not, well, I'm sure there's several of us out here, that are, & are praying for her & her family, 'cause it affects them too! Just be there for her, for anything she needs!That's the best gift I can think of!
your time...her treatment and recovery will last months. 60% of women diagnosed early will still be alive in 5 years. 5 years is considered survival in cancer care. There will be days when just getting dressed and to therapy is all that she can accomplish. Organize friends and bring her a heat and eat home made meal, do the laundry, cart the kids to school activities, babysit so she can rest. Clean the house during her many appointments. The daily chores and tasks that the healthy do without a thought........
When I needed radiation treatments some years ago, many people asked what they could do to help. I passed around a calendar for people to sign up and drive me to my treatments. I certainly could have driven myself but daily trips 1 hour away do take their toll. My friends were so willing to help and found comfort themselves by being able to take me. This in turn helped me so much and gave my friends a way to help. The support was unbelievable. Another friend, who was unable to drive, sent me encouragement cards and even a calming CD. Many people sent me a card but she continued to send me notes and get well wishes every 3 or 4 weeks. That was also wonderful.
a lot of being there for her, fix her favorite dish, treat her to a facial, or just sit and talk. I have a sister in law just starting her chemotherapy and she just has the best attitude. Your time is the best gift, take her to her appointments, then to lunch. Did that help?
I'm sure she's tensed up and concerned about the future. Ask her if she would like a good neck massage or facial, or do her nails if she'll let you. A pedicure is especially nice because she may not feel like reaching down to her feet or putting her head down when or if she has chemo. Also, our church ladies took turns carrying in prepared meals for the family of a friend who was battling breast cancer so she wouldn't have to cook.
The best gift is you being there and offering support. Help her by cooking meals or cleaning the house. Find some movies that she likes, preferably comedies. Maybe she would be interested in learning to play the piano or a musical instrument. You can find easy-play books for those learning to play the piano. I am planning on buying an electric piano which never needs tuning, and maybe you and some friends could take up a collection, and buy her one. Her learning to play the piano will help her, to some extent, get her mind off of the devastating news she has received. I wish her the best!
2 years ago
Last edited at 2:53PM on 10/29/2011
Offer your time, let her talk. Offer to drive her to her doctor's appointments. If she is going for chemo, help with a log or journal. List questions for her next doctor appointment. Make comments on how she was feeling after her therapy or after eating. Prepare some meals for her. Cooking while taking chemo is nauseating. But if you have some prepared meals that just have to be heated in a microwave can be very helpful.
2 years ago
Last edited at 3:41PM on 10/29/2011
Give her hope and strength! love is good but it can go in both direction.
Also try talking to her doctor about FDA suppressed Cancer cures! Tell him that you refuse to see your loved one to die just because Pfizer doesn't want to lose money! Talk to him about Stanislaw Burzinsky! (although he found a cancer cure that is giving extremely positive results for brain cancers!)