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Should I have a baby ?

I'm 21. Me and my fiance have been together for 5 years. We live together, we both have jobs. We plan to get married in a few years. I know he wants children and so do I, Im anxious and don't want to wait to get married to start my family, I'd like to have at least one soon. Am I crazy or shouod I go for it ? No negative comments, just mature opinions and advice please !

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Here is a mature opinion.....get married first.

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so true~!
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Yep! :)
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Amen.
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She doesn't have to.
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yeah but its still the right thing to do
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She's engaged-why not wait? I had to re-read this.
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well yeah she needs to get married first
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Why not get married? They are doing everything but...
The marriage represents a solid commitment. Not being married just leaves them a convenient back door out.
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yes thats true
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Exactly!
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Any babies that come of this NEED a solid family. Parents married.
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Couldn't agree more!
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Or don't get pregnant at all
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australis
Perfect answer.
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It does not matter what anyone thinks except you and your boyfriend. Since you are asking, it would indicate that you are not sure, so wait until you are sure.

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That's the most level-headed thing I've read today.
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Go right ahead

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Get married first. Its the right thing to do.

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She doesn't haveto
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First of all she needs to,being a single mother is hard! Yeah she doesn't HAVE TO but it's the right thing to do stop putting stupid stuff on the internet!
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You are so wrong Jaybird.
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Why is it the "right thing to do"? Plenty of kids have only one parent and there is absolutely nothing wrong with them or their parent.
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@jaybird great answer :)
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They don't HAVE TO. It's their choice and if their budget doesn't support a 50k wedding they don't have to.
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I didn't say they had to so go and learn how to read.
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I know, but you're saying it's the RIGHT thing to do. But lots of people don't, so you can't speak for everyone and say what's right or wrong.
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Did i say i was trying to i understand some people could
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you can get married in a day. a baby won't arrive for nine months. do the math! lol. marriage shows a total commitment, to one another and the child...;-)

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Exactly, the baby needs a stable environment, one that shows commitment and a desire to provide a good life. Without marriage, everything is up in the air for the child.
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Marriage doesn't really mean anything... You become a wife/husband and there's papers that say so. Doesn't mean one won't cheat
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"marriage" worked fine for my parents for 53 years...till they died. they were committed...;-)
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Well my completely mature and somewhat negative answer is that you shouldn't seek advice from an internet site on whether you should have a child or not. That was the negative. Now the mature. If you both have well paying jobs and have the time to put into having a child then you should go for it. Do not take such a thing lightly. You'll lose hours of sleep, and this baby will cost you a lot of money. You have to decide on your own if having that child and getting to watch him/her grow up into greatness is worth it. By the way I'm only 15 so think long and hard about this little tidbit of advice

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honey i would get married first.........thats the right thing to do....then you can have all the babies u want! :) lol

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rbeezy

At 21 you should be focusing on living your life and having fun. You don't want to have a baby then regret later that you had to give up all your free time and money to care for a child. I would also wait to get married. I remember being 21 and you may feel you have it all together now but once you have kids your life changes and I know too many young mothers that regret having children so young. I love my kids but I would have waited a couple of years and believe me you will not have the opportunities to do different things like you would if you wait. See the world first and enjoy your freedom. Whatever you decide good luck :)

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I agree with the other answers! I think if you need to ask strangers' opinions on one of the biggest decisions you'll ever make, then you're not ready. it's something you need to know on your own. And I think it's important to be committed and settled down, before starting a family, as in, get married first. Think things through first. Babies are expensive, and require a lot of attention and needs. There's a lot to consider!

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That's the line I was going to take. If she has to ask she's most definitely not ready. First time mothers don't always understand the amount of time and commitment that comes with the baby ... and lasts for the next 18 years, and beyond.
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Definatly. Couldn't imagine having a kid just because someone else ok'd it! And I agree-my parents were somewhat poor when I was born. People really should wait!
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My mature answer: get married first! Then you can handle having the baby! Don't rush things just yet. Relax and get married and then have a baby. :) <3

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I think if you feel like you have to ask a bunch of strangers for their opinion on this you aren't ready. Get married first. You are very very young. Go to college, get a degree, plan your life before you plan a baby's. experience life first. I think in the future you will regret it and wished you lived your life instead of having a baby when you are so young. Get married. See how that works for ya first.

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You don't need a degree to be a good mother. If you are going to stay home to raise your children as a mother should then college loans are an added burden that you don't need but your husband better have a good job or work really hard.
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Ya. So she can be a stay at home mom for the rest of her life at her young age. No future, no education, no experience in life. Sounds like a good plan to me. Lets just stay home and raise kids for the rest of my life. Sounds legit. This isn't the old days anymore.
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Wait till marriage because maybe something happens and you guys don't want to be together

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Get married first then wait until you are around 25 years old.

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If you like kids and you think you have everything to provide it

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If your asking that's a sign right there that your unsure and Having a child you should have no doubt and ne 100% Sure :)

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It sound like you have given this a lot of thought. You and fiance sound mature, financially secure, so I say go for it.

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Go crazy..........get married first.........
....then have kids.

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Do it the smart way, get married first. But in the end, it's really up to you, not us. The people of Ask are not having your baby.

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i'd also suggest you get married first but remember that the ask community is giving you suggestions not descions you have to make cause in the end,all that really matters is what you two decide together

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Your early 20s should be enjoying the freedom of adulthood, building a good savings account for down payment on a house, taking couples' trips. During all of this, get married maybe while on a cruise.

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Are you two making enough money to support a baby?

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I agree with ynp. Just by asking us u have a doubt so ur not ready yet. It's definitely not easy. Did U think if U gonna put the baby in a daycare at a early age or u gonna quit ur job.... Etc

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Ultimately it's up to the two of you.

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sure.

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Probably not

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Seems like you've both got a good life together, but the thing is though you've both got to be willing to compromise and take good care of the child or children when bring them out into this world. And this isn't negative advice neither, but don't be like those type of parents who bring children into the world then decide they don't want to raise them or just want to abandon them. My gosh I absolutely can't stand people like that if they're sure enough to bring a child into this world then they should be freaking SURE ENOUGH to take good care and raise the child. And if that's really something you two both agree to and want then yeah go for it, but please don't give your baby away or abandon him/her....

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RedRose

If you have to ask a bunch of strangers, I'm going to say no.

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lol. True.
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I am your age and my fiance and I have been together for almost four years. We do want to have children but know that our own childhoods have a lot of bad memories because our parents weren't completely ready for us, which is why we are waiting until we have a stable home to raise our children in. My mature thought on the matter would be to make sure your jobs are stable, you have a safe home suitable for children, and that you and your fiance are truly ready to have a baby. They aren't easy (I have a close friend who is a single mother and struggles daily), but they are a blessing. It is wholly up to you and your man.

(And on the subject of marriage, yes it's good to have the paper that says legally you are bound to each other, but marriage is based in love -not law.)
*and there is no reason not to ask strangers. It doesn't show immaturity necessarily, but an eagerness to know what people you don't know really think.

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If you can afford a child and believe you and your husband are ready and want to have a baby, then go for it. I would get married first for many reasons, some of them being legal reasons. You can get married at the courthouse this week if you wanted. If you aren't sure that you want to be married then why would you have a baby with someone that isn't good enough to marry? If you are waiting to get married until you can afford a wedding then you probably can't afford a baby and make sure you can because the rest of the country doesn't want to and can't afford to pay for your child. That would be unethical and not a good example to set as a parent.

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I would get married first....

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if you are both ready and it is what you want then go for it

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you should have a baby because you are old enough to get a baby.

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You should just get married! I mean the traditional thing to do is get married and then have the baby. You and your fiance have already been together for five years, why can't you just get married? the faster you get married the faster you can have a baby.

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Yes but first get married. If your family is strict then you may want to think twice before having a baby before getting married. I personally think its your decision if you want to get pregnant or not. Kids are worth it and I think you should have one

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You and your man sound established, and like you've got a plan for thefuture.I don't see any reason for y'all not to. Its not 1950 if you two are as you say go for it research, as it seems you are already and good luck

Amber

Http://www.trimestercalculator.net

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i suggest you get marry first, give your baby a family. and then have a baby.

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first get married and then think for a baby . this is because when you and your fiance are tied in a relation of marriage then you can be so free to share anything with him .then you have a baby because for them you are hero and they will further develop mentally and physically seeing you.but it is your personal decision to get marriage or not.in my opinion marriage is best before having a baby

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i think u should get married first

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I think you are young you should marry at 25 then have a cute little child

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I never had a baby but you'll regret sooooooo much after u had one. Please don't have a baby. My mom sooooooo regretted having me.

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