Submit a question to our community and get an answer from real people.
Submit

My sons father left when I was 19 weeks pregnant and how would I explain when he's older and he ask where his father is?

I beg his father to come around and be in his life but he refuses

Report as

The best thing would be to be frank with your son and tell him what happened to his father. Although it could be traumatizing to your son, but is the best thing to do, other than to let him find out for himself which could be more painful. In case your son asks to speak to his father over the phone, let him do so, unless the father declines.

Helpful (2) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

Big hugs to you! I'm sorry for your situation.. Best to tell the truth. My dad left my life at 6 but I had other father figures in my life so I never cared till I was a teen

Helpful Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

Then he doesn't sound like a good role model, and you should not want a man like that to be in your baby's life. You sound like a good role model, so stay that way. Simply explain what happened, and why it might be better for him like that.

Helpful (2) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

Answer his questions honestly, don't give him more information than he can handle. When he asks one question answer it. If he asks an second question answer it. When he stops asking that is it, don't volunteer any more info.

Helpful (2) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (8)
Report as
Excellent answer! Kids need time to process. Bright shiny star!
Report as
Thank you
Report as
kadee_lee: 19 hours ago via iPhone
How can I stop being so paranoid?
This is a gruesome story and I don't enjoy bringing it up but I'm paranoid to the point it's interfering with college and my relationships, I'm 19 now but when I was 7 I lost my older sister to a rapist that was never caught my sister was taken from her car a mile past my house as if she was stopped by a police officer her license was the only thing not accounted for after 3 weeks of searching for my sister they found her in a creek a whole state away. All through out my childhood I was careless as all children are but now that I'm older and in college I've been thinking, my sister was about to graduate high school before she was taken away from us I'm now afraid that will be me. I'm afraid to pull over for police I'm terrified of older men who stand behind me in stores I feel people staring at me and I feel like going into a full panic attack I need help I know I do this has gotten way out of hand. I'm getting a therapist but I need advice as to what to do when driving or in a store in my dorm I just don't feel safe and I have every right to feel that way, there are evil people in this world I can't tell anyone apart from someone that wants to harm me. THIS IS A SERIOUS QUESTION. I'd appreciate serious answers.

RETIREDKOP-THIS PERSON NEEDS YOUR ADVICE-thanks, Sincerity
Report as
Google "kadee_lee ask.com profile" without the quotation marks and press on her Ask profile and go to her question. I think you could give her some good advice.
Report as
I will go give a try, thanks for passing this on!
Report as
I've tried googling it and binging it but can pull up the site at all. I get all kinds of hits on everything from model railroad stuff to several other people named Kadee. I will try and answer here and if you can pass it on please do!
Report as
Kadee, sorry for your loss first of all. First of all I've been a cop for 35 years, and if you read my profile you will see the rest about me. I can understand how you feel to a point, and understand about all of the strange people out there these days. I'm glad you're going to talk to someone about these issues. Let me see if I can answer your questions. 99% of the cops out there are legit. Yes there are wantabies, people playing cop and the like. The problem is that the average citizen is at a loss. You see the flashing lights behind you and you don't know if they are for real or not. My best advise is: if a cop turns on his lights to pull you over and do the following. 1. Turn on your emergency flashers. 2. Drive to the nearest well lit area. 3. Lock your doors. 4. When your stopped turn on your inside done lights if it is dark outside. 5. Lower the drivers side window about 3". If you are in a big city expect a cop on either side of the car. 6. Make sure the cops can see your hands at all times. 7. When he asks for your drivers license and registration hand it to him without actually sticking your hand out of the window. 8. Ask him/her for their identification politely explaining why your doing so. Another suggestion is to call 911 when the red and blue lights come on, and explain to dispatch that you are scared and are being stopped by a cop at this location. They should be able to tell you if the cop is for real or not. It would be good if you know your license plate number. That would assist dispatch in location you and the stop. 9. If they refuse to produce their identification. Roll up the window and stay in your locked vehicle, if you haven't called 911 yet now is the time to do so. There will be a lot of other cops showing up shortly if everything is legit. Better to have to explain this whole thing to a bunch of cops than getting attacked by a fake cop. Fake cops don't want to attract attention to what they are doing, and would more than likely just drive away and look for an easier victim. If it happens make sure you file a report at the real cop shop so they can get these fakes in jail where they belong.
As far as people creeping you out when you are in public. Try to not go anywhere alone. Travel with friends and or groups. I hope this helped some.
Report as
Thank you! I will get this to her. Your friend, Sincerity.
Report as
Add a comment...

don't wait until your son is older,and asks questions. just casually work it into conversations now. for example; that was not long after daddy left, remember? I don't know the age of your son,but it's better if a child grows up just knowing,maybe not exactly when or why,but being aware that daddy left a long time ago. good luck,you sound like a very good mom.

Helpful (1) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

Give up with your ex and be honest to your kid.

Helpful (2) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

Just tell him the basics..at a very young age, he doesn't need to know the gory details. You can simply explain that some people are meant to be parents and some aren't.

Helpful Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

thats a shame when guys do this ... he needs to take responsibility for his actions but since he's not you should file for child support.... and don't ever beg thats weak.... just talk and ask

Helpful (2) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

Tell him the truth. Your father doesn't want to be a part of your life.

Helpful Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

Explain that it isn't the kids fault. Don't say that the dad is a bad guy(that'll bite you in the ass). Also explain that you aren't going anywhere and point out other family the child can count on being there for good. Make sure the kid knows they have other people they can count on and let the kid draw their own conclusions about the father. Just listen to what they have to say and be honest when they ask your opinion(without badmouthing the father). It's okay to say that you don't know why he left.

Helpful Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

What did Forest Gump's mom say, "He's on vacation"!

Helpful Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...
Do you have an answer?
Answer this question...
Did you mean?
Login or Join the Community to answer
Popular Searches