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I feel like im heartless and dont care for others help

all the time when lets say someone is int the hospital or hurt I actually wait for something bad to happen to them as in I kind of want something bad to happen I dont know why and it makes me feel bad but I cannot help it I just wait for the worst in people like I enjoy it a bit for the thrill

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I normally could find an explanation for things like these..but I honestly don't know what to say to you..I'm sorry, but that can't be normal. If I were you, I'd go to therapy, or (if you believe in it) pray. Both is even better.

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You should see doctor. That's bad.

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It almost sounds like you're expecting the worst, and disappointed when it doesn't happen. I don't think that's normal sweetheart. You need to seek help from somebody....and soon!

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I am seeing a thearapist already for my ocd, anxiety, depression, and autism
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Okay, now that you said that you have OCD, anxiety, depression, and autism, what you're saying makes a little bit more sense. When you're autistic, your brain does not work like a "quote, unquote" normal brain does. Everybody's autism is a little bit different. (I know this, because my son is autistic) Continue talking to your therapist, be very open, and hold nothing back. That is what they're there for. To get these feelings under control, you need to be as blunt and honest with your therapist, as you possibly can be. Good luck, and never....ever...give up!
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thank you
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Im reading a book called, " praying for strangers." I dont wish bad on others but this book is very inspiring to me and helping me to remember others even during my busy and hectic schedule. Everyone can use prayer and we r all human. U need to change your thoughts. Pray, read the bible and even read the book im reading. ( i came across it at a grocery store)

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I used to wish that bad stuff would happen to me when I was younger. I always thought that it would be thrilling. I don't anymore. I suggest getting a hobby or keeping yourself busy. For me, having nothing to do was bad for me.

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I dont have any friends and all I do is sit inside all day or go out and play by myself
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Well that used to be me. I was so shy and I was not good at making friends. I keep myself busy now (besides being at work all the time) by getting friends and people that I barely know to go do an activity like indoor rock climbing or jogging. Getting involved with church and volunteering was something that helped me make friends the most.
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It's sounds like you're tired of being a victim of some sort, and by wanting something negative to happen to others gives you feelings of empowerment and strength , thus lessening the feelings of fear and weakness.

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Can you explain more about what that means please?
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It means that your not heartless, just hurt in some way, and this is how you deal with the pain. Find the source of your ill feelings and when it started, and maybe you'll understand yourself a little better.
Emotions and feelings can sometimes get knotted and can take some time to work them out.
If it really worries you, talk to a therapist. They will help you work through the knots.
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Well I am hurt from everything people have done to me all me friends have ditched me and bullied me and I feel left out
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It makes sense. As you get older your going to notice how people come and go. Family will always be there for you,strengthen the bonds with your family and you won't feel so alone.
Take care.
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im wondering how old u are

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I am 14
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ok see a theripiay
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theripist*?
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Already am
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It's a reaction to your own fears of something bad happening to you.

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That's...not...possible...

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