Submit a question to our community and get an answer from real people.
Submit

How many of you have male-female communication problems? He doesn't hear what you say? She nags?

What has worked for you? Have you tried reading Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus? Has it helped? What works for me: Don't expect someone will remember something that's important to you--remind them.

Report as

The proper care and treatment of men by Dr Laura. The title is miss leading. Its a women's in site and gives you practical and true in site into a mans mind. Don't start talking as soon as he gets home. Give a half hour or hour before you tell him about your day. All I know is I've been with the same woman for 17 years. After she read that book my life became a lot better and so did hers. Keep wife happy, whole house will be happy. I believe women control the mood of the house. We don't come from different planets, we compliment each other. Yin and yang if you will. Marriage is something that constantly needs work. Also, simple, pick your timing. Having a conversation while Superbowl is on, is bad idea. Just using as example. Dr Laura also has a book of proper care and treatment on women. Anyways, my wife is my best friend. I know her day starts when she wakes and doesn't end till kids are in bed. And when she seems to be overwhelmed, I step in. Cook dinner, or tell kids to give mom a break, or whatever it is. Time, I know when something is wrong but not all the time do I know what. I failed mind reading class. When he ask, tell him. Otherwise we can't help.

Helpful (8) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (29)
Report as
You sound like you and your wife have something that works for you. My own opinion is Dr. Laura is a jerk who wouldn't know good advice if it bit her on the leg. I'm glad it worked for you. (FYI, Yin and Yang are opposites that work together.) I doubt that the title of her book is misleading, I think it's exactly what she is saying. Sounds like the advice given in a Good Housekeeping mag from the 1950's, except it left out the part where you should freshen your makeup and put on heels before he enters the house...really...
Report as
Don't you think her need to talk about her day is just as important as your need to have an hour or so before she enters your domain to discuss her trivial and unimportant day? Maybe seeking your advice about which brand of soup would work best in your favorite casserole. Does she also "bask" in the glow of your radiant being? (Seriously, I heard this on a religious radio talk program once.) Why wait until she "seems overwhelmed" before you "step in", ahem, Lord and Master speaking...shouldn't you always be a part of the formula, cook dinner often or maybe even 50% of the time (gasp), tell the kids to take care of themselves because it's the right thing to do? I am sorry this sounds sarcastic, what I'm trying to achieve here is something amusing and funny that might give you insight into how some women might look at your relationship. I respect that you and your wife have it working smoothly, and I wouldn't presume to tell you what to do--it works--I'm just suggesting there are other ways to look at it.
Report as
Well, I don't even know if that's in the book. I just know that it the book helped. I know for a bit my wife called me a simple creature. My wife is the one who said the title is miss leading. I never read it. Yes its important that my wife gets things off her chest. Do you think its important that she gets my full attention? Some guys hang at the bar or friends or drive around block before they go home. I come straight home from work. Cause I know my family is going to give me a moment before they start talking to me about there day. I want to hear it, just not as son as I walk in. It helps me be a better husband and dad. Even the Bible says its no good for a woman to be like a drip of water in the sink. Like I said, it doesn't matter that I bring home the paycheck, my wife's job is more important then a few extra bucks in the house. Several years ago she had job and thought that she wasn't good unless she brought home paycheck. I started making good money and asked her to quit her job to raise the kids. This is back when our second was just born. I think for a time she didn't like herself and maybe even resented me a little. One night a few months later we lay down to go to sleep and she says thank you. I'm like for what? She said she had some special moments with the kids and if she would've been working she would have missed them. Also, my wife doesn't like to cook, I do. I just gave that as an example cause it was easy. I try to get or help before she gets overwhelmed, but not always do I see it coming. I'm at work and don't know what kind of day she is having. I always walk in and give her a kiss and all my kids. She ask me how was your day? I say fine, even if it wasn't. Cause I know we will talk later. I take a shower then eat. Then 20 minutes later I'm ready for my family to love and talk to them. Its just, if a guy hears nag nag nag as soon as he gets home, he doesn't want to come home. Then he starts hanging out cause he doesn't get any peace at his house. For me, I can't wait to get home.
Report as
You put me to shame. No matter what it is called, or how it is achieved, you and your wife have a marvelous marriage and that's what it's all about. Your wife is a lucky woman, you are a lucky man, and the real winners are your children. Your family is blessed.
Report as
Thank you. I believe you are right about the 1950's. The way we treated women. But I think we need some of the 1950's about family and marriage back. I don't believe in head start, I think if possible moms should be there. My 16 year old is 4 points from being genius, my 9 year old has honor role two years running. Youngest who is going to first grade has most improved. The concept of women only being productive is when they work is dumb. My wife and what she does should be paid 100,000 dollars a year. I believe in God, I believe in family, then work. I also believe women walk beside men not behind them. It takes a lot of work to get were we are in marriage. I've seen the benefits of how kids are when one parent stays home. I hope my kids become good moms and wives I have three girls, Destiny, Trinity and Eternity. I appreciate your compliment. I hope that find that. Your kids are more important then money. Your worth more then money can buy. Don't buy into the days we live in when it comes to your family. I hope you walk away from this conversation and think about what I said. Maybe even take my advise on nagging. I wish you the best, and don't forget what's really important. Like I said, I can't wait to get home just from that little adjustment. Mutual respect, being on the same page. Comprises, sacrifices, and communication, and most important, Love. Good luck, try it, it may work for you too!!
Report as
Like I said, she didn't like it at first cause the world teaches different. Now I get text at work, thank you for working and letting me be with kids, I appreciate all you do. And the same goes for her, she knows she is appreciated for the things that she does.
Report as
Correction: I hope you find that.
Report as
@koichan, that is one of the most sweetest compliments I have ever heard. :0)
You brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my face. Thank you so much for your kind words. Bulldozier is my Yang. :0)
Report as
My pleasure. I meant every word! I think you and your husband have much to teach us, even those who believe in doing things a different way; you show the old route can work if there is respect, love, and appreciation!
BTW, my husband and I are also very happy, we have a different approach, but have reached the same goal, mutual respect, love, and appreciation for the role of each partner. I have no children born to me, but it is my desire to embrace the motherless of all ages.
Report as
Motherless of all ages? Explain please. Thx. And thank you for those kind words. Also, it doesn't matter who brings home the paycheck. A person should never be measured by the amount of money they bring home, what car they drive etc. Every member in the family has a role, even kids.
Report as
So very true. I mean I desire to make everyone who doesn't feel loved by their mothers feel loved by "a" mother...me. I want to show "mother love", to those who feel deprived of any mother-love. I didn't have father love from my sperm donor, but uncles, teachers, friends demonstrated the 'father love" to me so I seldom felt a lack. Guess that might make sense...huh?
Report as
I didn't have a father. I'm a rape child. I just knew I didn't want to be like him. (Sperm donor) I had my first kid at 16. I realized that God blessed me even in my sin. Always has been there. Didn't give me more then I handle. I have a complete and wonderful family and church family who are my brothers and sisters. God filled every hole I had in the heart and gave me a healing of my past. I appreciate you sharing with me and hope it didn't hurt you to talk about it. We are strong, that's why our lives as a child was bla!! This turned out to be a blessed conversation. Thank you!
Report as
Blessing to you, and I was blessed as well. I would like to ask you a question. It is about gay people. Would that be something you are comfortable with?
Report as
Thank you, I was blessed as well. May I ask you a question about gays?
Report as
You can ask about gays. What's the question?
Report as
Yes
Report as
Ask away
Report as
Oh, I found a recent question from a gay person, when you answered that, you answered my question. Thank you. I am no longer hurt by the pedophile who raised me; I am sometimes saddened by what his fate must surely be, and by the fact that no one sang that song, "My Little Girl," for me. Or "Dance With My Father Again." But, as with you, God gave me much love and is still teaching me what I need to know to be a blessing to His world. Part of what I have to teach is the love God has for His entire creation. He sees us as perfect, created in His image and likeness, and exactly as He causes us to be. What humans see is far different from what He created. We're the ones who screw things up, not God, none of us are yet perfect or we wouldn't be here. I'm not fussed about gay people, I'm fussed by imperfect people worrying about the mote in their brother's eye and ignoring the beam in their own. (This is not pointed at you in any way. I'm not qualified to judge anyone. I see you as a fellow spirit with some differences in how we interpret God's word.)
Report as
In the original Greek, the Bible says man should lay with man as he lays with women. Women shall not lay with women as they lay with man. There is so much scripture on the matter. I would love nothing more then gays to become Christians. Hebrews 13:4 marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all sexual immoral. I don't remember the scripture but women was being passed around. God didn't like the way women where being treated and made the law of marriage. Marriage should be between man and woman He says. Just remember, God puts things in the Bible to protect us. Psalms 37. If you have Bible read it. Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires in your heart. As far as gays, here is another scripture. If we can agree that man who sleeps with man is homosexual, then the interpitation is correct. 1 Corinthians 6/9-12 Do you not know that the wicked will not inherit the Kingdom of God? Do not be deceived: Neither the sexual immoral nor idolaters nor adulterers nor male prostitutes nor homosexuals offenders nor thieves nor the greedy nor drunkards nor slanderers nor swindlers will inherit the Kingdom of God. And that is what some of you WERE. But you were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the Lord Jesus Christ and by the spirit of our God. See when God really comes into the heart, you change. Desires actions. If you can't see a difference in the world and a Christian, then not Christian. It says you will know a mans heart by the fruit. I have nothing against gays as people. I love them as Christ loves us. But I stand on Gods word. I don't take parts out I don't like. I just don't like their sin. They aren't going to hell cause they are gay. But because they refuse to repent and go to Christ. I can go on, I dont want anyone to go to hell. Gnashing of teeth and crys does not sound cool, I don't find it funny. By refusing some while excepting what we want(Bible) isn't going to help anyone. Any more questions?
Report as
That's why in the scripture I used before. God said as I've already warned you. He says this through out. I skipped around a little on the marriage question and gay question. I hope you see my heart... I'm not saying these things out of hate or judgement. Cause God does that. But out of love and care. Like I said, I've read wh5at hell is like. Its not funny, I just quote scripture. That's were I stand on matters.
Report as
Bulldozier, I respect your position. You seem like you've thought it through and prayed sincerely, but I cannot agree. Corinthians was written by Paul, I do not take his word above that of Jesus. Jesus said not to judge and to love. We should always go to the highest authority, and only relate to the lower one if the higher one is silent on the subject. Jesus said not to judge, he said to love thy neighbor as thyself, and to practice the Golden Rule. He does not tell us to judge, but to love. For that reason, it is my belief that we should withhold words that injure others, cause them pain because their beliefs are not the same as ours, and never hesitate to speak words of love and comfort. We are all doing the best we can, I don't feel I have enough grace to do other than try to heal the broken-hearted, bind up the wounds of the injured, and speak kindly to those who have labored in vain. I am far from successful in my endeavors, but I am earnest in my desire. Who has time to tinker in his neighbor's garden--that's between him or her and God. Have I spoken anything you cannot feel in your heart?
Report as
Gods commandment can be summed into one, love the neighbor as yourself. Like I said, I can't and won't hate gays. But I can't tell them its OK when Bible says other wise. You are right about the judgement. Its not for us. Let's put this way. If a gay man or woman walked into my church I'd give them a hug and say welcome and let God do the rest!
Report as
Perfect! I've known many gay people who were devoted church members, dedicated to contributing to the mission, accepted and loved, and who came out, only to be shunned or outright asked to leave the previously "loving congregation." How is that being Christian? Thank you, I have enjoyed our conversation.
Report as
Your welcome. You seemed pleased with that answer. Its in Galatians about Gods law being summed up by one command. Did I answer you to your satisfaction on marriage? I can get more it would just take time. Maybe tomorrow. And don't forget to read Psalms 37!!
Report as
I am pleased that we had this talk. It has been difficult to find people to have a conversation with that aren't either trying to convert me (I'm very happy in my religion), or just scream so loudly that they don't hear what I'm trying to say too. Different points of view can be very illustrative. Yes, I'm content with our conversation on marriage. Thank you for your time. Now go hug your Yin and tell her I said, "Hi."
Report as
No! Lol. She is already next to me. I understand what you are saying. I think we differ on some but Gods love is common. But there is the wrath of God. Can't always tickle peoples ears. Can't be afraid to step on toes. I will talk some more tomorrow. I'm calling it a note. Goodnight!
Report as
Night not note. Lol
Report as
lol. ~|~, hugs.
Report as
Good night to you also Koichan. :0)
Report as
Add a comment...

Describes my relationship perfectly. I'm going to check that book out now. Thanks for all the talks Koi.
What has worked for me? Honestly? Nothing. haha

Helpful (6) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (1)
Report as
My pleasure. Hope it helps enough to get you over the initial bump.
Report as
Add a comment...

The one reason this issue exist is the vulnerability and expectation that's ALWAYS takes place when a friendship turns relationship..
Usually but not limited to when the relationship turns physical..
Peoples feelings get hurt when they fear their lover isn't listening or nagging.. thus leaving them feeling vulnerable.. where as if a friend wasn't listening.. we wouldn't feel quite so put out..
Its our expectation we are responsible with living with... or without
lm not saying stay or tolerate someone being abusive.. only that when we cross that line from friendship... things change..
Feel free to send me the 10.00 for the book you no longer need..

Helpful (4) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (16)
Report as
Blades, you're off your game a bit here. I want to understand what you're saying, but it's not coming through to me. I'm a bit off my game, I know that, but please restate the comment..., please?
Report as
I'll try.. it ostensibly the human dynamic at play.. we want someone but we don't want their faults
Report as
it is only the human dynamic..
sorry (eyes)
Report as
Are you rolling your eyes, Sweet Thang? Okay, I get it.
Report as
Lol Yes I'm rolling my eyes
but only because the don't work properly now :)
Report as
Oh, that's right, I remember now. Try this @ @. I've still got one of my eyes on you from the picnic...don't think I've forgotten for a minute, it's not safe to let you out among the young females...@
Report as
hmmm.. I'm going to have to ask you to restate that... I don't understand.. I think you have taken the wrong impression of my answer to that question
Report as
No, no, I'm just remembering the picnic question...
Report as
Yes Koichan we are referring to the same question... Have I said something that has been taken as inappropriate ?
Report as
No, I was just teasing you. You are fun to play with, you are wonderful! Truly, I was just playing...
Report as
Ko ... I injured my eye several weeks ago and have had problems with it since.. wasn't sure about the eye jokes.. still not .. but then to imply that about young women not being safe in my presence ... I just found offensive..
Women safety issues ... I've never personally found to be the bases of any humor I would be associated with..
I know we have seen one another around the ask community but don't recall much interaction with you.. so I have no knowledge of what kind of sense of humor you have.. I will accept your words as true.. that this was a joke that I didn't get
Report as
I hope you find time to see my comments in the picnic on the beach question. I was not implying anyone was not safe with you, I was saying you were planning on taking Huggy. That's what I was @watching you for. Of course I would never directly, indirectly or any other way infer anyone male, or female, was not safe with you. Thank you for being willing to believe me. I will always try to be clear with what I'm saying. I took your comment on your page, "I should rarely be taken seriously.) as an invitation to play. Perhaps when we are better acquainted it will be clearer to both of us what we mean.
Report as
Not ), but " So it should read "I should rarely be taken seriously."
Report as
And the comment about letting you out among the young women was just, flatout supposed to be funny. I joke like that with people I'm comfortable with; no offense intended. I have worked with abused, raped, and emotionally damaged women for years and I assure you it is not laughing matter to me. I think I've about run my mouth for long enough. I respect you. I apologize.
Report as
Thank you for further clarifing things.. I look forward to playful banter with you
Report as
Tag, you're it!
Report as
Add a comment...

Men think differently from woman , plain and simple , men tend to want to solve the problem or not talk about it , woman want to hash it all out a get in depth , woman are detailed oriented , and multitask well , so when it comes to communication we communicate different and want different response . For instants I'm a talker , I talk all day long lol , my husband Evan thou he can't get a word in , tends to not say much , is he paying attention Yes , I learned that I Might not think so , but later he will bring it up and qoate me word for word . As far ad nagging goes , if he feels you are nagging him , he will close down and not want to talk , really I only say things twice when I want something , if no response is given to it , I get it done my self . But also remember men nag too . I hope this helps in someway , wishing you the best !

Helpful (6) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (17)
Report as
Good answer Vanessa
Report as
Thanks Blades !!
Report as
I like your answer. I mean no disrespect, you are clearly an intelligent and articulate lady, but your spelling is way off. "qoate", "my self", and your punctuation is almost nonexistent. I'm just curious. Learning disability? Doesn't lessen the value of what you say, but I just wonder. If it is a disability, you could be a fine role model of success for other people who have learning disabilities and don't think they can be useful--a fact you prove wrong.
Report as
Koichan.. that's a bit presumptuous isn't it ?
Report as
Not intentionally. Not at all meant to be. I phrased it as respectfully as I could, but knew I'd get some flack for it. Kind of didn't expect it to be from you, Blades. Sometimes, after thinking very carefully about it, I decide that a question that is on the surface difficult, stand a chance of making a huge difference to people, and go ahead a post it, even though I know I'm going to get a beating. The fact that vanessa has a degree in psychology, even with the mispellings of common words, and lack of punctuation could be immensely reassuring for people with learning disabilities. I make no judgments about disabilities of any kind...I have some myself, but I wanted to encourage Vanessa to come forward, if it is her heart to do so, and allow us to praise her for her courage and generosity of spirit.
Report as
*stands
Report as
I appreciate that quality ... that you wouldn't dismiss someone for having a learning disability.. but I'm guilty of spelling errors and my punctuation is atrocious ..
Not giving you flack.. just sharing my thoughts .. just as you have
Report as
No shade from sharing your thoughts. What did I say that lead you to conclude I was dismissing Vanessa?
Report as
*led. We all make mistakes, I'm no exception.
Report as
Blades, I must sign off. Am developing migraine. Remember going through withdrawal...still rough. Maybe later if you're still interested.
Report as
Hope your feeling better Koichan
yes I would very much like to revisit this conversation at a better time..
good night :)
Report as
Koichan ,no I don't have any learning disability , except for this crazy iPhone . It's frustrating for me to type , things on this phone , fingers always hit wrong things . I work so much better off my real computer. The punctuation issue I agree , I'm horrible at it . My kids make fun of me all the time about it . Most of the time I don't look , just type . I also agree learning disabilities are nothing to be embarrassed about . I know alot of children who work hard and so very well in school . But , I don't have one . You are also right , I do have a degree in psy , along with a minor in criminal justice , and 2 years of nursing , but my degree I hold to be most important is my degree in life . I'm also really happy these comments are made because kids need to know nothing is wrong with having a any disabilities . I would encourage kids or adults that may have comments , or questions , or questions about learning disabilities to post question , as there are alot of wonderful people , with very solid answers on this site , that could help relieve there worries ! I hope you have a wonderful day !!
Report as
Believe Koichan may be a nitt picker. Closet nagger come out
Report as
No , No, I understand koichan , views and respect that it was said , completely understand how someone would come to think there may be a a problem !
Report as
And men need to understand some things about women. That what she needs is release. It isn't always an answer she's looking for. Her thoughts are wrapped in emotion. And she feels understood by her man if he allows her to verbalize her thoughts/feelings and get that release. He has to understand she needs him sometimes just to be there, available. Not nececessarily fixing anything
Report as
Vanessa, my hat's off to you, you have dignity and grace, as well as courage. You really took the time to understand what I was trying to say, and helped me accomplish my goal when you could have thrown me to the wolves. Thank you. My precious brother-in-law can't spell very well, I don't know why, but he is one of the smartest people I know. He can build anything with his hands, has literally saved lives while risking his own, and has protected me from falling flat on my face more times than I care to count. He is a wonderful example of what a grand character is. People with disabilities are just like anyone else in heart, courage, and desire to succeed, someday I hope they will all be treated that way.
Report as
You are right. Sounds like you've been together awhile and understand each other. You know when you are together long enough you become one. My wife don't have to say thing and I know something is up. I think sometimes words just don't say anything. You know, I'm glad you talk. Sometimes I have to remind my wife I'm not a mind reader! Lol. I have to pry it out of her. I'm glad your marriage works. Its hard work but worth the trip if you understand each other.
Report as
Add a comment...

You must be calm dowm,do not worry,pick up the right time to talk about it. Fortunately,I saw a very good online store here,I bought one couple shirts from this shop. www.yoyoon.com .Maybe we can choose the different ways to handle this,the key point is to find a good way,during the lifetime,we should learn to understand ,maybe he/she meets with the trouble.

Helpful (1) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

Ladies, guys get it. They hear ya. What they need to know is what, why, where, when to process the info. But the ladies don't stop there..they go on and on to embellish. Add detail,explain,color -- all of which is just clutter, clouding things up for a guy - who all he needs are the basic facts to do his thing .. figure it out

Helpful (1) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (5)
Report as
Not all ladies. Most of my friends are men, because I hate chit chat. I like getting to the meat of a conversation,no useless details, of every little thing. Just saying, not all.
Report as
ok. there's a place at the table for a lady who can roll with the boys. We love it. You can give it and take it knowing it ain't 4real.. just kickin around
Report as
Got ya. Lol
Report as
I have realized that when I keep on and on about something, it's because I think he hasn't heard me. If he looks at me and says, "Okay, I understand." I'm fine and can move on.
Report as
down to rock bottom. Guys need be more understanding and ladies need to know, nothing doubting, that he's 100% there with u - He is.
Report as
Add a comment...

When there is a will there is a way. It takes time to learn how to "co-mingle" with another person. My husband and I not only love each other but we actually like each other. We are best friends. Where I am weak, he is strong and vice versa. We complete each other. I am his Yin and he is my Yang.

Helpful (1) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...
angelwolf

This is a hard question to answer cause it was like you tell him what you feel and he never really believed me. So, with him I found that making time to play games with him, listen to him, taking time to make things for him like food, a homemade gift helped him know that I did care and that he could definitely count on me period. So, sometimes you just have to figure what a person needs to feel your love for them.

Helpful (1) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...
Do you have an answer?
Answer this question...
Did you mean?
Login or Join the Community to answer