Submit a question to our community and get an answer from real people.
Submit

I am doing all I can to get over my husband and for some reason he keeps calling me, what should I do?

My husband and I separated almost a year ago and I am trying to get over him completely. He said plenty of times that he is over me but then calls me for no reason and text me for no reason. I told him not to unless its for the kids and he wont listen. The part of me that still is in love wont let me ignore him completely all at once. But we dont talk like we use too now I try to only talk about the kids if not hang up but he wont quit it and its killing me. He told me he wasnt going to stop and I have to always answer his calls cuz I'll never know if he is calling me for the kids or no reason... what should I do? I was with him for 6 years married 1.

Report as

You have to be strong!! It sounds like he knows you still love him & he's calling & txting when it suits him for whatever it is he needs(confidence boost) everybody wants someone to love them & he's just stringing you along when he feels like it. You can't make him stop but you can make yourself unavailable. Even if you're not you have to act like you are. The more you let him do this the more he will :)

Helpful (3) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (2)
Report as
good advice...jucks,.:)>
Report as
Thankyou Tammy
Report as
Add a comment...
John_8715

This is a tough one, since you have kids you can't get a restraining order, that would not seem to be practical.

You have to sit him down and tell him in no uncertain terms that the marriage is over, and he cannot call, or text at his given whims, and if he continues to do so you will go to the police and tell them that he is harassing you, and if you have to take him to court you will, and that may affect his visitation with the children.

I hope for your sake he gets the picture...

Helpful (1) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (2)
Report as
Yes! Hey Johnny!!!!
Report as
John_8715
Hello Candace, how are you ?

I've moved back to D.C.
Report as
Add a comment...

u know wat to do just dive into ur mind

Helpful (1) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (3)
Report as
I have no idea what to do
Report as
u do look deep inside
Report as
then... move on, move on down the road...and you will run into love, someone who wants
you
to
be
comfortable.....
he's the one.......
Report as
Add a comment...

Well I am a believer in marriage for life. If you truly think the both of you will be able to work together to make your marriage good you could consider giving him a second chance. Pray about it. Ask him to do the same.

Helpful Fun Thanks for voting Comments (1)
Report as
Good answer
Report as
Add a comment...

Tough, I would just tell him straight that you've moved on, and it's time for him to do the same

Helpful (1) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (3)
Report as
he did though he has a girl n he loves her
Report as
Then he's just selfish!!
Report as
....it's not love more like over,
Report as
Add a comment...
mplsstreetrwy

Tell the jerk that if he calls you one more time you're going to get a restraining order-then do it.

Helpful (1) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (1)
Report as
she should change her number....yes..
Report as
Add a comment...

Contact a divorce attorney. He's trying to manipulate you. An attorney will set him straight and help you to move on with your life.

Helpful (1) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (1)
Report as
yes, on all the above. beachbabysc..
Report as
Add a comment...

smoke some weed that will help you get over him. Then get an attorney

Helpful (1) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (1)
Report as
if they toked they would still be married...
Report as
Add a comment...

Gun

Helpful Fun Thanks for voting Comments (1)
Report as
the one that shoots love, ...right...
Report as
Add a comment...

I know this is difficult and it seems you really don't want him to stop calling, etc... It seems what you really want is for it to have worked out... When you are truly ready to let go I believe the calling and texts will be about the children

Helpful Fun Thanks for voting Comments (1)
Report as
it's beyond broke, take whats yours and , go
Report as
Add a comment...

I think he still loves you and just doesn't know how to say it.

Helpful Fun Thanks for voting Comments (1)
Report as
he's...no catch,...
Report as
Add a comment...

Go do a few things by yourself, look for work, hobbies, a fair in the area, go shopping check for sales, just do some stuff you couldn't do with him, that you want to do..or curious about..call an old friend, get on google earth and take a tour, of hollywood or Vegas, nascar tracks, broadway, anywhere, it's much fun and it's a way to get back to you, and be happy to be alive and to take in freely the gifts from God, it's a good thing sometimes when you break up, ..these are gift to us, food, trees, oxygen, electricity, geothermal, mountains, gold, minerals, flora, fauna, etcetra...and herbs, flowers birds,

We all need to find ourselves, and sometimes an adjustment has to be made, before you can see whats wrong, so don't just sit around go do anything you want, to see, taste, touch and then you will find love again...and you won'r be avail

Helpful (1) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (1)
Report as
and you won't be available to call you tll!!!!!
Report as
Add a comment...

Don't answer

Helpful Fun Thanks for voting Comments (1)
Report as
then he will come, over, not good!, she should do any of these things...invite friends or family over, cook dinner, bake a cake, anything....go to dinner, cruise the drag. park somewhere to see the lights of the city and sky, make new memories,
Report as
Add a comment...

Talk to him. He isn't over you.

Helpful Fun Thanks for voting Comments (3)
Report as
he's a wuss, feed me, clean me, might as well have a baby,..
Report as
Ok then, don't talk to him.
Report as
Tammy is not the op.
Report as
Add a comment...

Well I don't know why you take his calls. Tell him not to, but if their is something about the kids. Tell him to just text you. By taking his calls your sending mixed signals and that's why he still calls. Enough already

Helpful (2) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (1)
Report as
flee, go see a friend else where...
Report as
Add a comment...

Time for some tough love. If he's talking about kid stuff, talk, when he's not say - I'm hanging up now - and do it. If this still does not deter him forget the warning and simply hang up. What I'm seeing is your love for him, you don't want to hurt him. But isn't he hurting you? Does he seem to care? No, didn't think so. See it for what it is, my dear, and set yourself free.

Helpful (2) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (7)
Report as
Brilliant answer sea trish.. You're so right & said it a lot better than me.
Report as
Such a nice surprise, thanks for taking the time to say so.
Report as
yes trish, bulls eye,,,;)
Report as
Ah shucks, I was aiming for his tail... (sorry, I tried to resist)
Report as
No worries & I'd aim for the tail too!!
Report as
lindentalks1
Excellent answer. It's obvious the guy is a controller who likes to play with her head. What a creep.
Report as
Yes! controllers hand-pick nice people for prey; remember to remove that 'aim here' Bulls-Eye sign...
Report as
Add a comment...

You are not this man's mommy. He might need you, but this is not good for you. Set some clear, reasonable boundaries around communication regarding the kids. Example: pickup time, school play attendance, driving them to things, birthdays, dinner with grandparents, etc. Stick to it. Don't provide information about you or your personal life. Don't ask about his. Maintain this type of communication. Let him call, perhaps, on Monday evenings to set up dad+kids times. Prepare data for these calls and keep them short, factual, and unemotional. You are no longer his sounding board or his spouse or his crutch or his prop. Go out and do things with others that don't remind you of your time together. Get strong. Learn how to block his calls except for the once-a-week kiddy call. Building this type of foundational boundry will be good for everyone.

Helpful (2) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (3)
Report as
Good one, I like the way you think!
Report as
Move on down, move on down the road,( what song is that...)

change your phone number too..
Report as
lindentalks1
It's a song from "The Wiz"
Report as
Add a comment...

well tell him only to call you for the kids or else your going to get a restraining order

Helpful (1) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (1)
Report as
lawyer
Report as
Add a comment...

I was married twice, once in my 20's for 5 yrs & once in my 30's for 7 years. I learned my lesson after that & have remained single. Both of my ex-husbands have called me out-of-the-clear blue sky, years later & wanted to reminisce about the good old days, mostly involving the sex. Both of these guys are with other women but I think they get a little naughty thrill out of the thought of talking to someone "safe" about the great sex they had. I, however, did not choose to participate in the fantasy.. Does your ex-husband ever want to head down that same path? If so, tell him you have a phone & the number of his current mate, that ought to take care of that situation in a hurry!

Helpful (1) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

get a lawyer and tell him to stop calling or you will try to take the kids from him and get a restraining order and if that dont work get a body guard and next time he calls let the body guard threaten him

Helpful (1) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (2)
Report as
lindentalks1
Good idea, but not too realistic....
Report as
that would work and realistic
Report as
Add a comment...
Do you have an answer?
Answer this question...
Did you mean?
Login or Join the Community to answer