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Can I refuse to welcome a disrespectful 22-year old stepdaughter into my home?

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How would you feel if your role was reversed, and it was your child and your hubby was refusing to let her in the house?

In either case, while you don't have to deal with the blatant disrespect, you do need to talk to your husband about it, and the two of you need to come to some sort of an agreement. You knew he had kids (adults or minors it makes no difference) when you married him, and yes - they come as part of the package. If you can't accept that, then that's probably going to be an issue.

If she needs a place to stay, work with your husband to set some serious ground rules, deadlines for finding a job (if that's an issue), and things that she has to do around the house to "earn her keep" so to speak. She doesn't have to like you (and you don't have to like her), but for the sake of your husband, you are going to have to learn to get along. Don't make a father choose between you and his child - you may not like the outcome.

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Yes you can but remember she is your family you married her father and you should care for her as if she was your own.

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Not an adult. An adult needs to show respect to another adult. This is part of growing up.
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Yes I agree but for all we know she could be disrespectful to her with her own reasons.
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I have to respectfully disagree. No one "comes along" with a marriage. If the couple agreed to an "open-door" policy with an "unconditional love" for each child of each parent, before getting married, then and ONLY then, is she stuck with the step-daughter. Other than those specific circumstances, no matter what, she can refuse to have another adult under their roof.
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So you are saying that this stepdaughter has to be all alone just because her father married a women who does not like her? and has no right to move in with her father?
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no *
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Who said the step-daughter is alone? It could be that she wants to take advantage of a free room-and-board, free food, & no responsibilities. If she were a bit more humble, maybe this question would have never been asked by the mother-in-law.
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Step-mother*
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What if it's the mother in laws fault for her being disrespectful to her in the first place.
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If that is the case, then why would the step-daughter insist on living in such a toxic household?
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Because of her father and she might be having a tough time and need help and guidance but as we see here her step-mother would much rather see her on the streets.
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You have all rights to but it could make your stepdaughter sad.But you can.

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absolutely. an adult should show respect. BUT, your hubby may not see it this way.

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you can refuse any thing you want. trying to get along would be best. at 22 she shouldn't be around long.?

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You could tell her how ungrateful and rude or is of her to be disrespectful towards her in your home. She probably feels entitled because she's "family" but no one should act that way toward anyone in their own home

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Yes, you can refuse her. Your husband will more than likely be very upset about this however and cause you both to fight.

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Anyone over the age of 18 yrs old is an adult and if she can't be respectful to you, she should not be allowed under your roof. Remember, you are the elder.

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You can but, aren't you the more mature one? Seems like you are going to need to lead by example. She will be around as long as you are with her father, you may as well start teaching her some manners.

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She's 22, she's not a kid, don't deal with people like her, life is too short to deal with a.......

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Legally? Yes. Morally? Hmm, that is a tougher call. I would ask her why she finds it necessary to be disrespectful to you as frequently as she does. More than likely she is insecure herself. I would assume that you are respecting her as well. I have found that respect on many levels has to be treated like money: It has to be earned and it can be SPENT. Of course it also helps if the parameters of respect are defined as clearly as possible. But if she is making your life that miserable, then I guess show her the door.

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Or it could be that the step-daughter didn't want her father to marry her. The step-daughter should respect her elders and be more humble, no matter what. If the Step-mother was disrespecting her in return, why would the step-daughter insist on living in that household?
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To Jenni_Jonae: Points well taken. In regard to your last question though, it could be because the 22 year old doesn't really have anywhere else to go? Also just because someone is chronologically older than someone else, in my view, that is NO prerequisite for respect. People in my view are generally required to be given courtesy, but respect is another matter. Otherwise there is a possibility that the older person may just be a tyrant. And tyrants are generally not accorded respect. Fear? Yes. Respect? Not necessarily.
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Not unless her parent doesn't want her either. Their relationship is separate from yours. If you want nothing to do with her, that's ok, but her parent is still her parent.

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Hey! I don't know about you, but I'm feeling 22! LOL. Just had to do that. To answer your question, you're not prohibited from not allowing her into you're house, but it's not a very loving thing to do.

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always kill them with kindness

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You can but ill bet you will not be in great favor with your husband or the stepchild. Suck it up , but don't take abuse either let unimportant comments go you are not the patent so step back and let them have their time.

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