Go to The Home Depot, buy a can of appropriately colored paint, and slather yourself down. Side effects of this procedure include smelling strange, cracked skin, and stiffness. Do not follow through with the procedure if you're allergic to the paint. If paint is accidentally put into your eyes, wash thoroughly with warm water and call your doctor. Do not leave children unattended with the paint. If a child swallows the paint, call poison control immediately. Have a nice day.