Does this script sound good? It is for a movie I am producing I had it written. Please be honest! Read in details....
Slender (title), after begining credits...
camera fades to a young deer crossing a road whe deer senses something and looks up. A big red truck almost hits the deer but the deer escapes. Camera stays in position as truck passes, behind it, a red 1950's car is seen speeding by. The camera follows car and truck is also seen. They are driving Into the mountains, and through various places. finally, the car and truck stop in a field near a dense forest. The camera goes to the truck and someone jumps out.
Dunkin Robertson: (Wearing a striped black and white shirt, green combat pants and combat boots, and sunglasses. Walks over to red car and motions for someone to come out. )
Bruce Wilson: (Wearing a dark t-shirt tucked into his blue jeans, a leather jacket 1950's style. He gets out of car and confronts dunkin.)
Dunkin Robertson: Ya think this is a good place bruce?
Bruce Wilson: Yeah, I think this will do. Let's start unpackin.
Dunkin Robertson: Great, I knew you would think so! I will pitch the tents, you can get a fire started, it's almost dark.
Bruce: Walks over to red car and lets girl out, "we're here!"
Sara Tolsen: So this Is it huh? Not too shabby.
Bruce: (laughs) yep.
Sara: So, where did jamie go?
Bruce: I saw her get out of the truck a minute ago, I think she went with Dunkin to pitch tents.
Sara: So, when are Kevin and Monica gonna get here?
Bruce: They said they got caught in traffic on the interstate, they should be here tonight at some point.
Sara: Oh. Well, I'm gonna go help dunkin and jamie pitch tents okay?
Bruce: yeah that's fine, I need to get started on the fire anyway.
Sara: Trots over to jamie and dunkin to help pitch tents.
(Scene cuts to bruce, in the woods getting fire wood. Bruce is walking along picking up wood when he hears something rustling in the distance. He looks to the direction of the sound and sees nothing. He shrugs, picks up the wood he has and walks away. As he walks away a black figure flashes in front of the camera.
Hoped you liked the excerpt, tell me what you think.