Submit a question to our community and get an answer from real people.
Submit

Am I in the right relationship or holding us both back?

I might marry my boyfriend of 8 months one day. We want the same things: a house in a good neighborhood, 2 kids, & a corgi. He wants to be a police officer which I support. He'll take his kids to church. I love him dearly. He's my best friend; he gets me. We have a good balance. I trust him with everything. He respects & treats me well. Our sex life is great. I'm content with our relationship. But I'm also really scared. I fear that we won't work out. I'm afraid I'm not feeling what love should feel like. I do love him, but I don't know if I'm "in love" with him. I don't know what that's supposed to feel like or if there is an ideal "in love" feeling. When I think of the things I love about him, I cry every time because I see how much I'd be losing if I left him. I know he loves me so much. I give my all knowing that he won't hurt me. But I am terrified of hurting him. I'm afraid I can't love him like he deserves. I've told him this, & he still wants me. That's something I'll never understand. But I think that's love. I'm just scared because I don't know what love should feel like. This is the closest to love I've ever had. Am I in the right relationship, or holding us both back?

Report as

You seem to be in one.
What you should quit doing is WORRYING!
Quit all these 'what if's', it will only make things worse.
You should enjoy your time that you have with him, instead of sobbing.

Helpful (4) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

The "in love feeling" wears out quickly (6 months maybe), but something peaceful continues. I think you are already there.

Helpful (2) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

It is really up to you personally , I think that the relationship sounds good at the minute however you have to watch out for certain warning signs if you don't have faith in the relationship is there a future ? In this relationship maybe try to move in together if you aren't already as it will give you a good Idea if you want to be with him for the rest of your life , if you feel this way after you move in consult your family and close friends , weigh up the pros and cons then make a judgement .

Helpful (2) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

It's only been 8 months. You're overthinking and have watched too many movies.

Helpful Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

Dont marry him until you sort this out. Sounds to me like you are very much in love with him. Dont be afraid of hurting him.... because you will.... and he will hurt you too. You have to be strong and patient and understanding and you HAVE to communicate. Loving someone does not mean that everything is going to be wonderful every day. You will have ups and downs.. every relationship does. It is how you work things out that will define your relationship with him. If you ask me... You ARE in the right relationship.... if you are happy, content, and feel as though life WITH him....is better than life WITHOUT him.
Good luck to you.

Helpful (3) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (1)
Report as
Wow Neanderthal I really like your answer, maybe you could give me good advice about my personal complicated life
Report as
Add a comment...

Would have, should have and could have. Look around you stop, questioning. Discuss your insecurities with him openly.

Helpful Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

Holding the relationship in a vacuum because you cannot believe something good has happened to & for you. Enjoy the present and the future will be good.

Helpful (1) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

No matter how much anyone "loves" someone else you will always argue and fight to the point you hate each other. So many marriages end because of fighting. Then when they get another relationship it starts all over again. Love is working through the problems and living with each others faults. If you are this good now then why change?

Helpful (1) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...
BellaBale

Word of advice if I may; You are micromanaging the relationship, but it's not hurting anyone yet. Relax. You have found a perfect mate. I hear wedding bells.

Helpful (1) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

Can't live life in fear and not take chances.

Helpful (1) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

It seems almost like you're saying he fits what you want your man to be like in your life, however he only fits, and you don't love him. I'm not sure if you'll start to feel love for him or not, but don't marry him if you're unsure.

Helpful Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...

It's only been 8 months- if you take your time and don't rush, you'll have plenty of time to figure it out. And I'm sure that you will. I've been experiencing something similar; I've been seeing my boyfriend for two years, and he treats me like a queen and he's my best friend, and we have an amazing time together. I know wholeheartedly that he loves me. I spent a lot of time struggling to understand whether or not I was in love, and within this past year, I finally found my answer. For me, it was that I'm not in love, and we aren't meant to be, and soon I have to move on and continue my personal journey. For you, it could be a different story. Give yourself time, and the answer will come. I would suggest that you don't marry him until you're entirely positive of what your heart wants and is feeling, because otherwise somebody is going to end up badly hurt. Love&Luck&Light <3

Helpful (1) Fun Thanks for voting Comments (0)
Report as
Add a comment...
Do you have an answer?
Answer this question...
Did you mean?
Login or Join the Community to answer
Popular Searches