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Parent problem (please help)

Okay so all my parents say to me is they want what's best for me but all they do is nag at me. If I don't get something right or misunderstand something they say then I get screamed at. My parents think I'm an anti-social just because I don't like going out of the house & don't judge me because I have my reasons. I don't think my parents want what's best for me all I think is I can't wait to grow up & get out of their lives. I have so many problems at home that I just cannot live with. I feel like I'm always depressed. I always cheer up by coming on Ask & chatting with wonderful people who know how to cheer me up & those people know who they are. I just don't know anymore about my life. Also when I try to explain something to my parents they always scream "NO TALKING BACK!" I just hate my life because of this & my friends are what are keeping me... lets just say alive. Just adding this in when you Ask people say something nice or cheer me up or even just make me feel like I'm actually wanted in a place. Sorry for off track but do you think my parents are a bit controlling or are they really just trying to do what's best for me?? Any advice please?? Thank you & I respect every answer you give. :)

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australis

Ah yes!Our forever issues with our parents..issues we have all had Benji. The criticizing, the nagging,the disapproval.However,our parents try to provide us with everything-our education,love and in general the world we/you are living in but we also feel they provide us with pain and disappointment as well sometimes sweetheart and that is because we cannot always see nor understand their true intentions or methods.
Every loving parent wants what is best for their child,maybe the way they go about it or show it sometimes is not always the best way but that doesn't mean they love us any less.And their"way" can at times frustrate us and cause feelings of resentment and we become alienated and think the worst.But believe me Benji it's all temporary and an all too often occurrence.
Your parents seem to me to have raised you well and provided you with much love because you clearly are a person who knows how to give love.

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Thank you Australis. Some of my parent's "ways" I usually avoid & I learn on my own. However I do have a loving family which is probably why I am so loving. I have some really good traits that I admire & others I don't really care for & can sometimes cause myself disappointment. But you're right though, it is temporary. Thanks Friend. :)
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australis
You are very welcome Jordan and believe me I can only see good traits in you young man.Take care my friend and as always I'm here for you.
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When we are younger, we don't see the "real" intentions our parents have. Usually because we think we know what's best. (Not saying this is you by any means). What exactly is it that your parents have a problem with B? If you don't mind me asking.
You say you have your reasons for not being "social", but have you tried, even just a little bit, to be social to make your parents happy? It's really not that tough of a thing, trust me I'm in the same boat you are. I am social on social websites, and Xbox, but not so much in real life. It's scary isn't it? So what I'm saying is, try it. Even just for an hour or so a day. Get outside, (at this point, we'll say it's just to please your parents). I guarantee you will love it!
You're a great kid, and I know your parents see your potential, which is what they are trying to get you to see! Sometimes, adults don't know how to talk to teenagers, so they understand exactly what the problem is.
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Is there anyway you can schedule a "date" with them, where there is no yelling, no talking back. Just talking to one another like adults, so you can fix the issue? YOU sit this up, this will show your parents you are trying to be mature about the situation.
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I'm speaking as someone who is old enough to be your mother.
Sometimes we (adults) have unrealistic expectations of our children. We want them to be everything we are not. We want them to do the right thing. We don't want them making the same mistakes we did. We don't want them following in our footsteps.
Your parents have your best intentions in mind sweetheart, they just are not communicating that to you. They have unrealistic expectations, which is normal.
You are their baby boy. You always will be. No matter how old you get. NO matter what mistakes you make. They are trying to protect you from making mistakes, which is also unrealistic. People make mistakes, that is how we learn what feels good and what doesn't.
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I wish I could give you a big mommy hug right now, because it really sounds like that is all you need! :(
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Well first they have bed times for me which I think is ridiculous especially in the Summer time. That's not real an issue that concerns me though. The thing is that we always have huge family fights & everyone's always up against me & I just feel heart broken inside & I don't want to live. :( This is why I asked two other questions yesterday about being sad. People always tell me things will get better & I believe it. I actually knew u were around on Ask at this time & hoping you would answer. :) Thanks for that. :) Also I suppose we could all have a family talk but it might all come down on me. I don't even feel comfortable talking with them all at once. Also yes CJ I have tried going out in the real world & all I ever do is get judged. :( Sometimes in good ways & sometimes bad but I'm always scared of what people will say to me. I know what you mean about the mistakes. Also I appreciate you helping CJ because you are literally an expert. *Virtual Hugs* Ahh well that's a bit better :) Thanks a whole bunch CJ & sorry for this being so long. I had to keep copying & pasting on my iPhone so I could make sure to cover everything u said. Thanks. ^_^
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Okay sweetie, bed times are normal. And something you're just going to have to deal with. You'll be 18 soon enough and able to set your own bed time. So this isn't an issue either of us can fix.
Family fights, is there anyway, when your family starts fighting, that you can say "I understand where you guys are coming from, but I need to remove myself from this" and go to your room? Or just sit there and listen, but not say anything back. Meaning, you don't want to dig yourself a bigger hole when this happens. And sometimes, when we feel we are being judged negatively, we like to lash back with things that aren't true.
Things will get better. Living with our parents suck. I was abused physically and mentally when I was younger, by my mother and step father. So I really do feel for teenagers (in this aspect).
As for going out and being social, people are going to judge. No matter what age you are. This is something you need to just let slide off your back and ignore sweetheart. I'm 32 and am constantly getting judged. I take the good, and ignore the bad. That's all we can do. You can NOT use this as an excuse to hide. People out there, in the real world, need a guy like you! YOU are too special to let go to waste, because you're afraid of being judged.
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Thanks CJ, that means a lot. :) Also I wanted to say that so far you're like the only one that has actually gave me a real good answer so far. I don't think anyone else will answer which is why I'm so appreciative & thankful for you to answer. Thanks much! :)
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This is exactly what I'm here for. I really wish your parents knew how to talk to you. Sometimes we (as children) need to teach them. That is why I suggested the family talk. Just between you and your parents. Don't include siblings in on this.
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Yeah & also my grandfather is like I'm the adult around here & what I say goes. It seriously just makes me feel just terrible. I want to get away from all this. But I think you're right. Thank you again. :)
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Anytime sweetheart. Keep your chin up.
Tomorrow get outside. THIS is an order from your ask mom!
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Hey well I guess you & Craigsmom are sharing me haha. I will definitely try without a doubt. :) People like you make Ask such a great place, I Thank you for that CJ personally. :)
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Hi Benj! Great effort to answer CJ. Benj is a good kid!!!! You'll get through it all before you know it Benji! =)
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Hi Starr! Haven't see you around in a long while. Also Thank you both! ^_^
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Thank you Starr. I really care about Benj, so try to help when I can.
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just when they say something go with a simple answer(s) and when you dont understand theres always the internet

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Thanks lol & that's what I'm doing 80% of the time anyway. :p
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You need to talk to them about your suicidal thoughts. If they knew how you felt; the would probably get you help. A lot if teenagers fee the way you do. Your body is surging with hormones and sometimes it literally drives you crazy and every thing your parents whether their intentions seems mean and unjust. Please talk to them and say "I need help". I can't live like this anymore. I think you want to live and that's why you are reaching out to others; please talk to them; most of the time parents really do love their children even if they don't know how to express it and even when we just see it as mean. I'm praying for you to get the help you need to make this situation better for yourself.

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I'm sorry for putting that "scary" part in there. I don't want to die but I just want a better life because mine sucks. :( My life is pretty hard & whoever suffers like I do or if they suffer worse then I feel for those people. :(
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Btw Thank you :)
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Not going anywhere, Thank you Angel. :)
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Haha sorry Angel just read this & I'm flattered that you'd say that. Thanks for that, means a lot. I didn't know you trusted me that much but THANK YOU. :)
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try and sit them down and explain to them on how u feel and if they don't listen then what I always do is go into my room lock my door and blast my music it helps but know that no matter what happens with your parents they will always love and care for you

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Thank you. :)
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any time i know how u feel and if u ever wanna talk I'm here if u need
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Hey, I know exactly how you feel. I felt the same way- I would say something really innocent then suddenly get snapped at like I had said or done something horrible! You find growing up that your parents are not perfect and they don't always treat fairly. I do think that in their own way they want the best for you and think that being really strict is somehow the way to do it. I can tell from your posts that you are a really great guy and you deserve to be treated well and with respect. Just remember you have so much potential for greatness-just keep plugging away and if your parents criticize you, brush it off and imagine where you want to be years from now!

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Thank you Chris. Inspiring words & wisdom from you. I appreciate your answer. Thanks again. :)
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Benj, my son! I'm so sorry I'm late coming to talk to you. However, Cj has done a great job! I think you are delightful, and I mean that sincerely. I don't know why but parents and kids most often have misunderstandings when it comes to communications. They think they know what is best, but you want a chance to do what you think is best. They yell, you retreat into your shell (or room) and you both get nowhere. Try communicating with them on a different level. I say this because I think it might really work. Surprise them by agreeing with them, that will get their attention. Like about bedtime, I know you guys want me to get my rest, so I'm not going to fight with you about going to bed. Thank you for caring. Whenever you can, agree with what they are telling you to do. If you want to ask a question, do it with respect. Say something like, "I'm not arguing with you, I'm just wondering if you could help me understand why this is important." Then listen. (cont)

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Yelling means no one is listening, they are just thinking about what they're going to say next. If that happens, just sit there and assure them that you hear them. Say words of understanding...I understand what you are saying. After the yelling has calmed down, say something like, "Can you help me understand why this is important to you?" The listen. These communication skills will come in handy all your life. You will want to be able to talk to your partner, your boss, customers, friends, and so on forever; it is worth it to try and figure out how to talk to people in a way that encourages them to actually talk and explain to you instead of yelling. To whatever degree you can, try to comply with their requests. If they feel like you are listening to them, they will be more willing to listen to you. Practice. In the meantime, talk to yourself: Remind yourself that you are a good guy, you are going to make the world a little bit better by being in it. You can bring love, kindness, gentleness, wisdom, support to everyone you come in contact with. The more you express those qualities, the more you will experience them, because they are magnets that attract the same things to themselves. There will be lonely times, sad times, and frustrating times, but there will also be gloriously happy times, joyous times, times of great triumph! Life is not all about good stuff, but living well brings joy, satisfaction, and energy to you. It isn't going to be hard all the time, it is going to be worth it in the long run. You can do this! There are a lot of people pulling for you, and watching your progress with great interest. Go, fight the stereotypes, and win!
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Thank you Koichan! All of this you typed I think would help. Like agreeing with their argument & trying to calm things down to try to understand everything. I do this would work actually. & yes I know CJ does give great advice! :) Thank you for reading & taking your time to answer. :)
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You are welcome!
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kazarina

Hi benj, You think having parents sucks because of all their rules & regulations?? Well believe it or not you would be alot worse off without their guidance. While you don't see eye to eye with them now, you will thank them in years to come & appreciate that they tried to give you a good life & they hope you learn from their advice. The day does come for all parents when they hear their parents words echo in their own ears & emit from their own mouth, yes it's the advice they didnt want to listen to as a teenager themdelves. When the boot is on the other foot & we have grown up & matured we actually have a whole new respect for our parents. It may take till your in your 30's to appreciate them, but like countless teenagers before you & future ones to come you will eventually understand what parenting is all about. I will tell you now bringing up a teenage son & daughter is one of the hardest roles of your life. One day you will understand.

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Very wise words Kazarina, Thank you. :)
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kazarina
It's from experience I give my advice. I hope this helps. You can't change their opinions of rules but you can change their opinion of you & then they may be willing to adapt their rules to how they relate them to you. Goodluck with the parent child relationship. They do love you.
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Yes!!!! Your parents are trying to give u a "social life" ya know...... Just when they tell at you just don't answer. And u look like my age 13ish and were at that age when we start to hate our parents. So that probably why

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