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Should people always tell the truth?even if it means breaking somebody's heart?

a close relative of mine has an adult son, whom she loves, and her son is in trouble and they have a legal case, and the mom is fighting for her son with everything she's got ,however the son is manipulating his mom, and only wants her money and I KNOW after that he'll be gone,we talked to the mom about it and she just seems so heartbroken even though she suspected it,do you think we should just keep quiet about the rest of it or should she know the truth even if it's hard to hear?

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It'll hurt even more when she finds out the hard way.

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Ok Tony, I see ya around here all the time and you always have awesome profile pics... But dang it boy, is that the Mrs Tony??? She looks like she is in AMAZING shape!!! I am so inspired!!!! Sorry, had to comment;)
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Yup, that's her! Ain't she a beaut? :-)
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Holy crap, yes! She's very great to look at! And I'm actually straight lol! Like I said, she's inspiring;) I'm trying so hard to tone up... With having 4 kids, running child care from my home & never leaving my house lol, I'm doing what I can, and seeing her pic really makes me want to do even better!!!!
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I just read your comment to her, she said "Get a Magic Bullet Blender to make veggie shakes and buy a tread mill, your kids will love working out with you, my kids love to pretend to workout with me when I'm on the tread mill".
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I just got a ninja blender actually! And I have a treadmill;) Once school starts back I'm going to run during nap time without interruptions of the school age kids;) Tell Mrs. Tony I appreciate her advice... But I started doing a squat challenge and leg lifts challenge this week... It's a 30 day challenge! So when it's almost completed I'll be adding the treadmill in my routine too. I eat lots of broiled boneless skinless chicken breasts and green veggies. I started making fruit smoothies, but I'll for sure try the veggie smoothies. I never thought of doing that! They are probably better for me! Thank you both! Keep up the good work, you look fabulous Mrs. Tony!!!!
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Oh, I've managed to go from 164 lbs down to 123... But this summer I gained back up to 130 bc I quit the dang treadmill at nap time;/ I just want to tone... Don't want to get back to 123! Veggies & protein;) keep posting pics of Mrs Tony and I'm sure you'll inspire more moms! Talk to you later guys;)
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Tell her the truth you will feel better and so will the mother I am so sorry you have such a situation going on

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Unless you want to live with the consequence of not telling the truth so probably the best way to live is knowing the truth

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I think in this case you should definitely tell her the truth. she'll get hurt either way

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Most moms would help out their child in a time of need even if they know the outcome will be bad. If I were you I would say out of it unless it gets to a point were you need to step in and say something. But you know this person better than me and the rest of us on ask.com so you need to look at the situation and do what ever you think is best. I'm sorry about the situation. I'm sending you and your relative love and prayers.

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Thank you,
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its better to be safe then sorry so tell the truth cause eventually she will find out the truth.

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Yes
Telling a lie to save someone else's heart, will break your own

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Mojo, I'm not sure what's up, but I'm still getting notifications of your comments, but no comment
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Heya Liz
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Not bad, pretty good. Was at the gun shop again, gawking over the guns
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Nice!
Did you enjoy it?
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Whaaaa????
I love Legos! Good hand eye coordination control practice
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Yeah. I guess she'll be back on in a bit though. At least we can look forward to getting to talk to her again!
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Josh, I'm sorry to intrude, here, but I can shed some light on MoJo's trying to reach you. His account was on the way out, and he was commenting to certain people to let them know he would be........gone. He deleted his account, I'd say, before it automatically happened to him. He told me the other day that you were really about the only person he would care to keep in touch with outside of Ask. : ( Pretty special, huh?
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So he isn't coming back?!
If I interpreted right, that really sucks. I liked to talk about guns with him, he's pretty knowledgeable with that stuff
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Yes, as you obviously know, he really likes you and will miss you. He claimed should anything happen to the MoJo account, he wouldn't be making a new one. : ( I guess time will tell.
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Yes, that's right. Even his answers wouldn't show up. He was being targeted, but, unfortunately, with good reason.
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What was he being targeted about?
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Well, you no doubt no he has an attitude....different things, but mostly......... complaints from....girls. (being harassed)
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*know
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What a load of crap. I've been complained about before, saying I was "harassing". When I very obviously wasn't... Trolls get their way most times...
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I believe he did it himself, but yes.....he was being weaned off his account. It was pretty much dead when he left.

I'm really sorry, Josh. I want to do a favour for you and for him, though.......
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What is it?
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You'll get it.
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Definitely tell her the truth.

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You can try telling her the whole truth. If she's already hurting over it, she probably can't hurt too much more. Sometimes too much anger or sorrow can shut people down. She might not believe you or be able to act on that truth, and sometimes love really does blind us.

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It does and that's what worries me ,I feel as if she is shutting down and it's really scary and I have no idea what to do
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tell the truth. let the chips fall were they may.

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Yes, tell the truth, if they find out you knew, they will be heartbroken...truth is always the best

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she already knows I know :(
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I would rather have the harshest truth than the sweetest lie. So definitely tell her especially in that situation

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Very poetic. Sad for the situation at hand, but, beautifully said. :)
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Wow. This is a tough one. Where do you draw the line with someone who is already hurting, yet know the difference? Emotion and Fact are two really hard things to separate. To answer your immediate question, Yes. It is easier to deal with fact. Here's an idea.
If you can, give her other options. Approach her with an out. Research some things she can do to provide her safety on her money and not feeling like she's "ratting out" her very ungrateful son. Then, sit her down with the facts. She may be in a place where she feels she's the only one defending him. She may be... but you all will know you are defending her. :)

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yeah good point, she Does feel she's the only one defending him. and because of that she has built some sort of defense mechanism within herself over this issue,and each day I see her becoming sadder and it's heartbreaking :(
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paradise~ you sound like a very good friend and relative that is aware of needs and emotions involved. Knowing she may suspect of the wrong doing, try to show her you Are Aware of her needs too. Make her a "just because," gift It's even more impressive as an adult. Ex: hand make a card with flowers on the front. Crayons are easy to find right now. Write on the inside, you see she is struggling and if she needs to talk, you'll be there. Pick some flowers. Show her she's not alone. You sound like a great person. She is lucky to have you as a friend and relative. Good Luck. I hope she feels better too!
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thanks, I will definitely do those things.
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You're welcome. Take Care.
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@Merlin: A neighbour was caught in a similar situation. The police came to arrest her son and she jumped on one cop's back, held on with her legs wrapped around him and her arms around his throat, so that the other one had to pull her loose. While they were trying to restrain her the son escaped. She was arrested and charged and, eventually, they caught up with the boy anyway.

That umbilical cord is awfully hard to sever and some mothers will always be unable to see their children's faults.
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I have seen this exact behavior one on one. Not only are you correct in your analogy, it is frightful to watch. I was going to give an example, but it's too graphic. I'll say this. There is a time to nurture and guide. There is a time to learn boundries. There are trial and error lessons to be had. Then, there comes that very magical time when, the parent stops being the good guy or the bad guy. They stop being the protector or the diciplinarian. They start to show you respect and gratitude. They role now, is a sharing of lives together. Including the past and the present,... they become your friend. That is the magical time I feel a parent and a child become respectful for whom they are, not the roles they have played. :) I agree Dodgy. The umbilical cord is hard to sever. :)
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well it's not THAT kind of legal case fortunately,they would probably loose a lot of money if they lose
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I'm sorry about the whole situation.. if it was me I'd tell the truth, better now than later. there will be heartbreak either way it sounds, better to do whats right while its within your power than to leave someone without help from a situation
. God be with you all.

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If there is something you know .. that she should know then .. yes, you must tell her. But be carefull about differentiating what you 'think' you know and what you really know as fact. You can tell her what he has said to you, you can tell her what you know he has done or admitted .. but leave out suspicion and rumour - unsubstantiated facts. THAT is where things get very messy.

This is a mother who is torn .. between helping her son and 'enabling' her son. She is probably struggling with trying to do 'the right thing' for her family. THat is nothing unusual..mothers do that.


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Yes, you should always tell the truth . Sometimes you need to tell the truth more delicately then others.

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Deal with all the pain now an get it over with right this instant. its better to deal with it now than later. cause it will just hurt her even more if she finds out later.

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Yes always tell the truth because if you lie and keep holding everything in then it's gonna come down harder than it needs to be.

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Mom isn't an idiot; she knows her son. ***
There may be facts or circumstances YOU know about this situation which Mom also knows but has not yet confirmed to you... & you foolishly suspect Mom does not know.
***
My point: this situation is brutally painful for Mom. It hurts her to even think about it, let alone discuss it with family & friends.
She's in pain.
***
If there are some points you really want to talk about, do NOT go to Mom; rather, share this with the lawyers & police, your pastor, or some girl friends that frikkin can't live without some juicy gossip.
****
So stop & think: what are you trying to accomplish?
Are you truly trying to lessen Mom's pain?
Or, are you sticking a dagger in her side?
****
If you truly have important information, take it to the lawyers & police. You have a moral obligation to testify in open court.
You don't have an obligation to watch Mom continue to suffer.

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the son which plays roles infront of his family does the same with lawyers I assure you
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Well you have told the truth . That's all you can do . Continue to be honest . That way nothing can come back to you . Ex you knew and didn't say .. Ect

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ms prudent and wise.. we can carry on in the other vein another string
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Hey u !
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hi "diamonds"
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there are times to hold back and let time/circs tell the story.. as if i am not privy/parcel to the story. and then simply love as hard as i can with my eyes closed. there are other times where a friend/relative needs to hear the truth (in love) with consideration. id have to know more here.. but would lean towards sharing (as you are hinting you would like to).

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Yes or It will probly be Sad.

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Spit_n_Fire

The truth. I can deal with the pain of a broken heart from someone just telling me the truth and telling me the way things are, much better than I can deal with the pain of a broken heart by being lied to or someone being just plain vague. At least give me that courtesy. I'm a big girl. I can take it. Luckily I have had many many courteous people in my life...esoecially my friends here on Ask. I say, tell the truth as kindly and carefully as you can, with as much respect and honor as possible.

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my dear what if she already knows the truth and still wont accept it cause its her son. is it fair that the rest of the family suffer emotionally and financially for one stupid person? that stupid son cares for nothing but himself and of course the money, so no matter how hard you try to pull him back he still keeps playing. the best way is just to let it go and abandon the silly son maybe he start thinking and see the consequences of playing roles with his own family.

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you know better than me,but it's still so sad :(
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Sometimes the truth is ugly and isn't easy to hear... But I believe in telling the truth [always] to a certain extent... Yeah, even though lying destroys relationships, so does telling the truth... I feel like there's a fine line that we shouldn't cross and if/when it happens, we need to take a risk...
*Example- Should a man who's been married to his wife for over 40 years suddenly tell her about an affair he had years earlier and risk everything they built for 40 years with each other...? I feel as though this would be one of those times the truth is better off left unsaid...

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australis
well if it's to prevent harm..then I agree with your example.As long as it doesn't become a habit.
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True... as long as it doesn't become a habit...
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JaktheRabbit
"A guilty conscience and a heavy heart are equally linked."- ???
It's either lose a little trust for past sins or go through your entire life trying to cover it up and building off of lie after lie. How could anyone stand to do that? I couldn't stand lying to my girlfriend about talking to a guy because I was afraid of him but I was more afraid of what that lie would do to us. Yes the truth can hurt but lies build you up over time and bring you down in an instant causing you to lose more trust than if you had told the truth in the first place. I'm 16 and I understand perfectly how a lie can hurt someone... don't be that person.
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I really don't think she'll be shocked at any outcome, any mom would know what her child is made of, she's doing what she wants and needs to do. Let it go.

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JaktheRabbit

Tell her. If he does that to her then in the end she'll just blame herself and possibly you. When you tell her... she may be angry at you in the beginning but she'll eventually understand why you did it.
"The words left unspoken often hurt more than the ones that were."- JBF
It's either feel guilty now for a little bit or feel guilty later for a long time.

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Its best to be honest. No matter how much it may hurt someone else. You might not know this but lying to someone you care about hurts you the most, being honest would spare you the pain of having to deal with the hurt. They might be heartbroken but if it makes you feel better, then you should tell the truth.
Being honest is always the best, no matter if it makes others upset.
Honestly is always the best policy.

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Sometimes your lies keep you alive. Just make sure next time you have nothing to lie about.

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You should be honest It may hurt but it is the right thing and if she can't accept that... well... maybe that's part of her problem not accepting that he is an issue and it is not her fault she can't keep protecting him because of HIS poor judgment he sounds like he should have learned some lessons long ago.

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Agreed. :)
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i think you should tell her the truth, though, it will hurt the mother, but she has the right to know the truth.

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I think you should be honest. Of course it's going to hurt her, however would you want to see her broke or her finding out the confirmation, of what he's doing.
In my opinion a friend who can tell you the truth actually cares about you rather than sugar coating things to save your feelings.

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Even though its hard to hear she deserves the truth :) would you like people to tell the truth to you?

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