Give them time to themselves. When I'm crushed, I isolate myself and avoid people. It makes me feel better because I know that when I feel like nobody loves me, I still love myself and the world can screw itself.
Maybe it would help to show them kindness? My family treats me like crap most of the time, and they merely tell me to suck it up and grow a pair when I'm said or distressed. I never get hugs or verbal affection, maybe that's what this person needs from you?
This happened with a lot of members in my family, most of them still consider us 'disowned'. We dealt with it by talking poorly of them and most of the time not acknowledgeing anything was missing. I suppose it was easier to deal with since they were 'problem' people and weren't always particularily welcome at events, but it seems like you had a good relationship with this person. Well you definitely shouldn't down talk them like my family did, and perhaps we didnt deal with it quite right. You should let them be and send your love to them on holidays and their birthday, sending them a picture of a new born baby, just try to keep them involved to an extent
I know how you feel my younger brother and I haven't spoken to or seen each other except at my dads funeral, since 1998. It's heartbreaking not just for me but my whole family has also been fractured. Since then we have had few family gatherings and he's never attended. My brother judged me about my marriage and said some awfully hateful things about me and about my husband whom he met once for 5 minutes. He ended my family's togetherness for holidays and events, and made my fathers funeral a nightmare. My family did take my side and supported my marriage fully. But that gave him further reason to make himself feel alienated and blame me. It's been a rough 15 years not having a relationship with him but its how he wants it. He ended up leaving the country, his wife left him and he lost his own family relationships! I dare say he blames me for all of it. I'm afraid for me it will be a lifetime estrangement. I hope for you, that you will do what I did, even though I was called names each time and told what I could "do", I contacted him 3 times, every other year, asking if we could come to forgiveness. We didn't, he couldn't, but I hope you will try and you will get what you need. Best wishes.
I have cut some of my abusive relatives out of my life. If they quit being abusive and acknowledged their behavior in someway it would be a lot easier forgive and move forward. Without stopping the abusive behavior I know I can't have these people my life and I would guess that situation keeps many families divided as well. I found it more heart breaking to keep these abusive people in my life and have them continue to do damage to me and my family. To allow that was allowing another generation to be hurt with my permission.
7 months ago
Last edited at 12:22PM on 8/22/2013
Keep on loving them, pray for them and let them know the door is always open for them, with you. Maybe ask them why they are disconnecting and try to calmly talk about it with them and be open to their reasons. Be supportive and see what happens. Take care.