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Bambi420

My bf's ex-fiancée continues to contact him, drunk phone calls in middle of night during weekends. How do I deal with this?

He refuses to tell her to stop because he "feels bad for her." We moved in after 3 weeks, this has caused us a lot of grief. Says he's with me & not to worry yet he wont tell her to stop. Just says he needs to get off phone because I'm "coming home."

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You need to sit him down and have a serious discussion with him. Him talking to her is disrespectful to you. They're broken up... the day that they broke up, she was no longer his "problem". He needs to leave her alone and stop talking to her or she'll think that there's a chance and she'll never be given the chance to heal. It sounds like to me that he still has some feelings for her... you should've given it more time before moving in with him. Hopefully he listens to you when you tell him that he needs to stop. I had a boyfriend do the SAME thing to me in the past an he ended up leaving me for his ex.

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Bambi420
We've talked about this, fought about it. He's a very nice guy, doesn't want to hurt her. They were supposed to get married and he called off the wedding. I asked if he was over it, he said yes. We both knew we were jumping the whole getting to know eachother part when we moved in together after 3 weeks. Even when we fight he says hurtful things and that I brung out the worst in him. My bestfriend said the same thing tonight, he's just leading her on by picking up her phone calls and not telling her to move on.
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ur friend is right!Tell him that his ex bring the worst of ur relationship with him,and that u care about him too much...say thay ur jealous it's not wrong!maybe he will take another thought about it.bst luck:)
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Change the phone number. If he refuses its because he still wants her to call

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Bambi420
He says he cant kuz its a work phone... he also refuses to go in a facebook relationship with me because of work (mind u everyone knows because we work at the same place)
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I think you already know the answer: contact with an ex lover, where he could be disclosing intimate details about his relationship with you - is an outright deal-breaker. How would he feel if you were constantly in touch with an ex? You're going to have to give him an ultimatum - and mean it. I know how painful this situation is for you.

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Bambi420
I thought about the ultimatum thing but I don't do that, I'm scared doing that I think I know the answer already. I asked if he had feeling for her still, he says no. That he's the happiest with me. Do I walk away from this because his ex refuses to stop calling so she can "hear his voice?"
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Bambi - the writing is on the wall - you've got to be brave enough, have enough self-respect to demand respect from this guy. If you can't go to an ultimatum because you're feeling shaky right now - sit him down and in a calm, but assertive voice, tell him what this is doing to you, that it's exceptionally disrespectful to you and your relationship, and violates one if the central core components of any healthy relationship: trust. If he truly loves you, and knows that his behavior is hurting you, he will end his liaisons with his ex. - that's why she's an ex - ever wonder if he did the same thing when he was with her? This could be a pattern - of which you want no part of - it will always end badly. Watch his reaction - if he keeps repeating that "he feels bad for her" - ask him if he feels equally bad for what he's doing to you... You should also keep in mind that this type of injurious behave tends to escalate - like I said before - don't fall into a billion rationalizations as to why this is OK - it's not OK - the proof is that you are suffering due to the actions of someone whom claims to love you. I know this hurts - but it will progress to tearing you up inside - affecting all aspects of your life - and make you a candidate for depression. Does a guy that claims he loves you - that has the power to stop this immediately - recognize you are his woman - and a past relationship is in the past - his focus should be on you, here and now...
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Bambi420
I am already a prime candidate for depression. I've talked to him about this and he should know by now this is tearing me up inside, yet all he's really concerned about is hurting her, which I don't want him to do. I just want the consideration, seems to me that the both of them are lacking any conderation of me and what I might be feeling... Walk...?!
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Bambi420
Consideration** I am looking for any reason to try work this out, I always had a hard time walking away. He treats me very well otherwise. He says he loves me. He told her last time that she cant call drunk in middle of night, she said she wanted to hear his voice & started crying when I got home and he said he had to get off phone. We sat and were talking she tried calling back 10 mins later and he hit ignore...
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You are a couple now - correct? Being his gf does not give him the right to mistreat you, cause you psychological harm, or even cause you to second guess yourself - your feelings don't lie. Every time you let this happen your own personal self esteem drops - eventually you become a door mat. This has happened to a great many people - you're not alone. If this guy permits intimate conversations with a past fianc - he is violating the standard definition of an exclusive relationship. A guy that does what you have described is not worthy of you - you don't understand this right now because you are confused and feeling some level of violation and betrayal. There are billions of guys on the planet that understand this. Intimacy does not only mean having se.x - his ongoing dialogs are a form of intimacy - he obviously has feelings for her that you don't want to confront - you're actually getting sick over this and he still continues. Do you have a place to go where you stay away from him until you are thinking clearly? He appears to be dominating you and you are a willing "submissive" at the expense of your own health and sense of self - this parallels the battered wife syndrome. You are going to need to look inside and discover why you permit such behavior - I guarantee this is stems from early life events, probably unresolved trauma with a dominant male.
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Wow I learned something about myself in reading this! Thank you cerebrogasm I need to read up on battered wife syndrome
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K: post a question on that topic - I shot a documentary on the subject - it's well studied - and might help you understand when you are finding yourself attracted to guys like this - and how to defeat the urge to get involved.
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seems like your bf is dealing with it. she will eventually tire of calling.

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Bambi420
I honestly don't know what to do about this anymore its been 3 weeks in a row and he says he has no feelings for her and he's with me. He's moved in with me and during their 4 yrs together has never done that.
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well, she will eventually get the message. a drunk will do such for awhile.
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Your boyfriend needs to change his phone number, or you need to move on and change your address,

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ta daaaaaaa
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Well, you only knew him 3 weeks. She was going to marry the man. If you feel bad about this, imagine how she feels. It's really your own fault for moving in with someone with a past so quickly.

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Bambi420
I agree
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Bambi420
He keeps telling me "imagine how she's feeling" I didn't come into this relationship to deal with any of this and I told him that, He's a very nice genuine guy but he's leading her on and refuses to cut ties. And apparently the consideration of my feelings from the both of them is not a concern...
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tell him again that they need to stop talking or rekindle what they had&if he chooses to still talk to her then u will know where you stand with him!

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Next time the phone rings YOU answer it and say "Sorry, he's busy making love to me right now" and hang up on her.

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Bambi420
He wont let me pick up the phone. He says he doesn't want to hurt her
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Then you need to insist.
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You could always go to the nearest phone provider and block her number . If she calls , just answer it and have a long , serious discussion with her about how he has moved on . Then , tell him that if he doesn't think that your relationship is great enough to plainly end it with her , it may be time to end it with him . It's his loss for being such a jerk .

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Change the phone number or block her!

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Bambi420
He wont or sorry "cant."
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It's not for you to deal with. If he won't deal with it, you need to start asking yourself some serious questions.

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Are you familiar with the song by Hinder : Lips of an Angel? because I believe this is your situation right now.

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I'd tell him.. her or me... I wouldn't put up with that period! if he doesn't understand .. then kick him to the curd.. because he is disrespecting your relationship.

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Deal breaker for me.

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A properly executed Back Handed Pimp Slap should resolve this issue.

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Just ignore her, put her number in the spam box of his phone, don't you ever try to talk to her, she'll just continue doing so and maybe do more, Ignorance kills;TRY IT YOU'LL LIKE IT!
Good luck!

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That really sucks! It's so weird when people get like this.

http://www.ask.com/answers/509821081/what-is-the-best-yacon-syrup

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