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What are some ways to make a student council speech funny?

I want one that will keep people 8-13 interested and them to remember me and vote for me.

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The best kind of humor stems from truth. What are the problems your school is facing? What kind of irony is there in that situation? Can you bring up a serious issue from the perspective of someone who takes things to far? For example: They say they want us to eat healthier, and I think we can all agree on this. The dog food they're serving in the cafeteria sure has gotten better. Am I right?

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