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My husband is in constant contact with his ex. They have a 9 yr old child together so I get need for contact. How much is too much?

Before we were married, he tried to get back with her behind my back. His ex told me.

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I would run! I would've ran when he first tried to get back with her! Not only do they have a history, but they have a child together... do you want to be in the middle of that when he still has feelings for her? I wouldn't.

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i would break things off

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She might have taken his innocent actions wrong. Don't automatically accuse him. He married you. Feel secure. Has HE ever made you think other wise? Yes, he has to be a part if his child's life. That child comes first above you, him and Mrs. Ex!

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First off, that can be false what the ex told you. 2nd. you knew you was marrying a man who had a kid with another woman. You put yourself in this position, chose to do it anyways. Really, nothing you can do or say about it.

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If he calls at night or calls weird times saying he wants to talk to kid, he is probably just making excuse to talk to her. If calls are about school, at reasonable hour, that's different.

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Since they have to be in contact because of the child, this can be too much if he starts neglecting you. He should also have quality time with you and also with his child and so you should not feel very much offended if he is with the child. However, this should also not give him the opportunity to be back with his ex and you should also not rely very much on the information his ex is giving you because she can also be willing to separate you.

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His ex has a big mouth and I personally wouldn't trust her. She may have made it up to see if you would run. Your husband is the one you need to trust, anyway.
If your husband talks to his child everyday that is a good thing. Unfortunately that involves talking to the ex as well. As the child gets older and answers the phone on his/her own, the contact will become less. You just have to deal with it for now.

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Spit_n_Fire
This is the right advice.
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You appear to be reasonable enough to recognize that they do need to be in contact because of their child, you aren't complaining about that. Take what the ex said about trying to get back together with a grain of salt, my husband's ex said the same thing and there was absolutely no truth in it.
Pick a neutral time to tell your husband that you are uncomfortable with how much contact he has with his ex. Tell him you appreciate that he is involved in his child's day-to-day doings, but speaking to the ex on a daily basis is not necessary, child yes, ex NO. My husband was in daily contact with his ex until I told him that it makes her think that there is a chance they will get back together and me feel like there is a chance we will fall apart. He stopped calling her that day. (Wise man!)

Good luck!

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Run! (I know it's harder than that) because you obviously married him for a reason. I understand they have a kid together, but still. You're the step mom. You do mommy duties while th kid is at you and your husband's place. They need to work out the arrangements and be on a schedule. No it's not okay for him to keep constant contact with his "EX" I would just find someone else. It's not fair to you and yes you do have to think about YOU too. After all, you're feelings matter too. Don't put your feelings aside just because they have a child together, it's not your fault. More than likely he still does have feelings for the mother of his child, and if you're not okay with this kind of BS... exit. Start over. I've been there before it's not a good feeling and never ends well.

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If you feel it's wrong. It's too much.

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He probably has to maintain a relationship with his ex in order to see his child, so it isn't awkward visiting. I would observe his routine. For ex, does have other plans or is he too Busy or makes excuses to spend time with you when you guys Get the
time together. Has your sex life decreased. If he's doing any of these thing, I would be worried. If you are experiencing the following, You might want to hire a personal investigator to spy on his activities, so you have proof of want he's doing.

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Don't believe everything his ex tells you. It's her little plan of getting her back. A men that truly faithful, will treat you good in the relationship. He won't do any of the following as I mentioned above
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Him back excuse me
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Like I said, if you're worried about their time together, you can always hire a private investigator.
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Confront him about the problem, that spending to much time with him bothers you
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And you are still with him because?

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I wouldn't believe anything his ex told you.... and what are they talking about when they are in contact? is it their child? do they text, call or see each other in person? need more information... is he secretive about talking with her? if not.. I wouldn't worry about anything... if he isn't hiding anything... from you.. they no need to worry.... now if he is closed cuffed with his cell phone and doesn't let you look at it etc... I may start to worry...because he is hiding something.

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Daily contact regarding their child is what a good father does

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