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My daughter is 12 and wants to lose her virginity to a 14 year old. What do I do?

I have beat her butt,cut connections from the boy, and also told his mother but somehow its still going to happen.

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Obviously, "beating her butt" didn't solve the problem. Have you actually tried talking to her honestly and openly about sex, reproduction, birth control, and why she thinks she is mature enough to engage in sexual activity at the age of twelve?

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wow. Im 14 lol i dont know any boy who would want to lose their viginity to a 12 year old. Thats way too young. Dont let her see him.

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And you keep up the good thoughts, and attitude.
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Awe @tractor! That is so sweet! If I may second that @Kaitlyn!? :0)
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haha thanks guys (:
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Not if you don't let it. Send her off to a relatives. Put locks on her window. Send her to boot camp. Get some sense into her or scare it into her. She's 12 years old and your her mother. She's not in control here, you are.

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I couldnt agree with you more.
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Thank you! I know my parents would've done ALL of those things to me if I had tried to do such a thing. That's good parenting in my opinion.
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True true but she doesn't want to antagonize her either i mean look at the bright side she found out before and not after right?
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But her daughter sounds like she's still rebelling and trying to go for it despite what her mother says. She needs to stop her and put her in her place. She's 12, not a young lady. She's a child and needs to be treated that way.
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You guys have good points. In my opinion, the child is obviously seeking out attention from her mother! Other wise she would have just kept it secret from her mom. She may be acting out angrily at her mom also kind of like a "let's see how much I could hurt my mom...." I kind of feel bad for the little girl.
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You have a point sorry i was just trying to see the positive geese i was 22 when i you know...12 is soooo young i just meant that its good she told her mother her intentions
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im 22 and if i would have done that then it would have ruined my life, she needs tp be firm the kid is only 12 if ot dosnt get under control soonthen shes just going to be way worse by the time she hits 15... Lol sorry im a little pushie i no someone whos kinda similar
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Yeah I completely agree. Sadly I know where this young girl is coming from, as I was a rebellious kid always getting into trouble and pushing the limits. But my parents straightened that right out! Lol.
And yes, yinandyang, I do believe that it's for attention, whether she knows it herself or not.
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Yah I want to know where her father is to! Maybe she needs a daddy/daughter date. She needs to know how very special she is and how precious she is and dirty little boys only want one thing! Grrr.
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@eevvee, thank you. :0)
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I have boys and im terrified i want them to be gentlmen maybe she also needs to alert the boys parents
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@eevvee, You are a reflection of your parents, if i were your father I would have been proud of your response. Its refreshing to see someone young react in a mature and disciplined manner. Good for you!
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just on a side note, when i was twelve i was still playing with "G.I. Joes" and reading comic books, I wouldn't have known what to do with a girl at that age! I lost my virginity when was 19 and serving my country....THAT LITTLE GIRL IS JUST A LITTLE GIRL, sounds like Mom needs to be paying more attention and spending less time on FACEBOOK.
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Thank you!
And yes, I agree. Where has the mother been all of this time?? Why hasn't she taught her little girl better?
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boot camp is over the top!
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No way! It's an excellent way to teach obedience and structure ^_^
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well she isnt
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Beating don't help. 12!!!!! ????? Personally, I would call the family Dr tomorrow and put little miss horny on BC. Depo provera. Make sure she doesn't get prego. sheesh. Maybe lock her in her room. No phone. No internet. Just homework and chores at home. I'm not sure who I am more upset with. You got a tough one there. Good Luck.

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She needs counseling. She is confused. I hear a lot of kids talking about 'wanting to have a baby' so they can feel loved. This sounds similar. She wants to do this, but she is too young to understand, deal with and be responsible about it. Bad, worse, way worse.
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All i know is if my kid pulled that id send him to live with nuns lol
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Nuns, Lol! There is nothing wrong with ROTC, or military school also!
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Good answer @tractor and @mama. :0)
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Having a baby is no joke and whats sad is that there are babies having babies and its unfair
To the mother the father and especially to the new life that did not ask to be brought into this world
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You are so right. It is sad.
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don't forget the grandparents. how are kids going to raise a kid with NO financial stability or abroof over their heads? its ridiculous
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@batgirl! Great point! I did not even think that far ahead yet! This one selfish act this 12 year old child wants to do has such a big ripple effect!
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Seriously right talk about impact! Why is she even talking about it! They know about sex way too early my 8 year old mentioned sex the other day i was floored where did they get it not from my house
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@Mama, unfortunately it is everywhere now a days. :0(
I mean I could not get over how s3xual an innocent diet mountain dew commercial was featuring NASCAR's Dale Jr. I could not believe it! It is in billboards, TV, radio, internet, schools, the park, EVERYWHERE! It is so sad.
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Do NOT let her out of your sight! Switch schools or home school if you have to! Lock her up! 12 is WAY too young. YOU are her parent! Parent her! And BTW find out why she wants s3x at such a young age! Put her in counseling!

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BTW! Where is her father in all of this!?!?!
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Y&Y: all of this person's Qs lead me to think this is a trolling Q. Not a mother. I suspect a young teen playing games.
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Well well well! Great to know @ynp! Thank you for having my back. :0)
I hate it when trolls get good people to give heartfelt words and it is all just a joke! At LEAST THERE IS NOT A 12 YEAR OLD LOSING HER PURITY! Thank you so much for the heads up @YNP. :0)
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I could be wrong but I do not think so. Did you read the other Qs and the one comment they made?
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I just did! I feel a little foolish. Normally I tend to check if it is a "controversial" or "heartbreaking" question. I must be off of my game today! Lol! I totally agree with you @YNP. Thank you so much again. :0)
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Wow they are definitely too young! I bet you are glad you are aware of this! Sexual intimacy comes with many consequences you don't want to forbid her to see him because then she'll do the opposite. My suggestion plan a girls day out with her make it special let her miss school for a day. Go to the mall get pedicures or hair done and just talk and listen be open and honest with her tell her the facts and consequences and above all don't accuse or judge

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I would still forbid it personally. She's only 12. She doesn't have to allow her daughter to date. Maybe if she were 16, but her daughter is way out of line here.

Not to be rude, just my opinion! Good answer none the less! ^_^
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From experience she needs a firm but loving hand we want to encourage communication and trust but she also needs to know whos boss that is why i made that suggestion not as a reward but as a less stressful environment to talk about it she's obviously starved for attention and looking for love and intimacy in the wrong places
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Speaking from personal experience, she needs that AND a firm, hard lesson. My mom always sat me down for the heart-to-hearts and then my dad would punish me with things like putting locks on my windows, grounding me for a YEAR (lol! yup that long...) screaming in my face, making me do chores, making me come home and no tv after a certain time... It was like I was in jail!! And it straightened me right out. I was also forced to spend more time with them because of this too.
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You sound like a liar I don't trust you

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Discipline her. Make her do a lot of chores and as a matter of fact if she does do chores make it hell on her. If she cleans the kitchen or the living room or your bedroom a lot then tell her to clean it again until you can see your reflection. Take away all her stuff too. Phones, MP3's, iPods, computers, TV's, anything that looks electronically fun and make it hell on her and ask her this "Is all this really worth you wanting to have sex?" and if her response is a smart alloc comment then tell her to mow the lawn. Just give her chores and make it hell or send her to relative and see what happens.

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WOW! What has this world come to! Worst generation ever! When I was 12 me and my friends didn't even talk to boys cuz they were "disgusting" I don't mean to sound rude or anything but I think you have a spoiled brat that needs an extra beating Come on 12?? I'm guessing if she's thinking that she might have a iphone already take it away watch what programs she's watching better not be teen mom change her schools this makes me so frustrated >.<

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We were still playing with Barbie's and dolls at the age of 12!!!! Lol! Gosh I am so feeling old right now!
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Omg i know right i didn't even know how to use a tampon when i was 16 much less about sex! I'm irate over that teen mom show no matter what they say they are glamorizing it
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I am very upset about teen mom show no matter what they say they are glamorizing it
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she doesnt have a phone
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Lol! I know all I wanted to do back then is play in my Barbie house an hear I'm a Barbie girl lol I feel extremely old now.. how the days go by so fast, I agree teen mom show has to go. Oh that's good that she doesn't got a phone technology's not good for pre teens
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You need to put more discipline to that child it seems like she controls you she thinks she can get away from it because you might not tell her anything hello you are the mom how stupid can you be do something instead of posting this send her away ill i gotta say is that she needs Jesus poor soul!!

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kids from this generation, such a disappoinment now a days. i wonder how she even thought of that. i would send her to the closest relatives who are most religous and wear purity rings

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how is wearing a purity ring going to help?
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i meant like since the relatives would wear a ring maybe they could get some sense into her about the dangers
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Nope dosent help my cuz is 15 and juse wears her purity ring while she is With her bf
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well i was just trying to give an idea not a fact
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that is great idea but in this case she would beat that ring... saying she would never keep it on
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keep her on a tight leash. take away cell phone, media, computer, anyways of communication, take her out of school and put her in homeschool or change schools, pick her up everyday from school and take her to school, take her to counseling and speak to her about why its wrong. if all fails, put her in bootcamp.

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Tell her no. Tell her she will not be talking to this guy. Ever. YOU are the parent. YOU have the right to discipline. Ground her, lock her in her room. Do not let her talk or see this kid again. Bring out the shot gun if you need to. Just to scare him.

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Having sex before marriage is a sin therefore you shouldn't do it. Tell her that then tell her she is making a mistake.

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she needs discipline bad! But it is sompthing that you are trying to stop it, there are to many people who turn a blond eye. Stay strong and dont let her destroy her life.

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I would talk to his parents again and make sure they understand this is a form of rape and you will press charges if it happens. Then you need to stop worrying about being a friend to your daughter and start being a firm mother. Make sure you know her whereabouts at all times. She may hate you at first but eventually she will realize you are protecting her.

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Get her act straight.. Talk to a cop that can put her in a juvenile bootcamp for teens that can't seem to get there act together and want to be adults.

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Tell her the importance of waiting, I lost mine at 12 to a girl who was 13 and in the moment I felt great but in the end, I'm 15 now and I still wish it was all done right, the importance of waiting for some one special is just do high, try to explain to her, have a intimate conversation with her, be her friend. Not her enemy
I hope my Answer Helped you ^~^ good luck with your Daughter I hope she makes Good Decisions.

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Be a parent. The answers aren't online.

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Yup.
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You can't listen to the things other people on a website are telling you . And she's 12, to old to be beating her butt . Some people find that child abuse . Get her on birth control . Keeping her from him is also wrong . If he was trying to pressure her it would be different but she wants to so you can't keep her from him. I'd have her and the boy both over and sit down and talk with them . You know it's not going to feel "good" for her the first time . Talk to them about that . Make sure if anything happens they know how to be protected . You don't want her getting pregnant . As a daughter it took all the courage she had to tell you . Let me ask you .. Are you thankful for that? She could have just done it without telling you right? As a daughter she's doing her part by keeping you involved and talking to you about it . You shouldn't punish her for that . All these people saying send her away are too protective of parents . She's young .. She's getting to that age and you can't keep it from her forever . You don't have to let it happen . But you can't keep them from Each other . Talk to them both, warn them of the consequences, make sure they will be protected if they are going to, make sure they know it will hurt her first time, suggest waiting . As a mother you can't beat her and punish her for wanting sex . That's a normal age to start wanting to have sex . All you can do is be her mom . Love her to the ends of the earth and make sure she doesn't get pregnant . Listen to most other people on here and she'll hate you for the rest of your life . I know so many kids having sex 12-16 and the only ones I know of that got pregnant were the ones who's moms said no and weren't there for them . That's a proven fact . All I can tell you advise wise is .. Be her mom .

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i hate to disagree with you, but thats just wrong, i have a 15 year old cuz whos dating and having sex and may be preg. not becouse her mother told her no and "beat" her but she set her down and told her that she could tell her anything and she would put her on the pill becouse she understood what they were going through. but the kid told her she would never do that and her purity ment to mutch to her. so hate to tell you but parents dont have to be strict to have kids like that.
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Ladies, let me help you understand something, you're women, it's YOUR nature to nurture and love. Most of you just don't have it in you to spank a child in the first place. It typically takes a very strong minded woman to discipline a child the proper way. This whole "holding her little hand" $hit APPARENTLY ISN'T WORKING. If it did she wouldn't be talking to her CHILD who is TWELVE (WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE....SHE IS TWELVE!!!!!!)
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Have someone else talk to her maybe.....like someone older.....or a teenager......that has made a mistake like this....obviously someone who is against it. I find that kids around her age are more likely to listen to someone else rather than their parents especially if they're just a bit older than them like 16-21......if that doesn't work get a switch lol

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Many brag about being sexually active long before they have actually tried anything. It's some kind of artificial competition - being tough because they're in the "been there" crowd. Talk to her and tell her the disadvantage of losing her virginity.

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That's definitely a tough situation. She's now at an age that requires good communication, because she's trying to figure things out for herself, so it's your job to help her reason on the matter. Pointing out the dangers: pregnancy, sexually transmitted diseases, emotional trauma, damaged conscience and a damaged relationship with god. Unfortunately, most young people feel "sexually obligated" to lose their virginity because of peer pressure that implies "anyone who's a virgin is out of step with the times." Try reasoning on chapter 5 of this book with her, http://download.jw.org/files/media_books/5e/yp2_E.pdf. I hope this helps. :)

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In my opinion your the parent so your in control anything you think is acceptable is probably the right thing to do but you should talk her out of it tell her she's going to regret it in later life that's all boys want she's young she doesn't need to jump into things.

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This is ... bad. I'm over 18 and still a virgin even lips ... Just find an alternate to your problem. Sex is a natural phenomenon, even i can't stay virgin forever... so i guess its best to explain to your child, in a brief talk, about what sex really is and what comes after it for a kid. Truly you know better than me. Good luck.

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you need to be open with her and talk to her about the situation. Do you have an alternative school where you live? the one here where i live has a SAPAR program that i was in when i became a teen parent. i would have her talk to other teenage girls and let them know the consequences of sex because trust me i wouldn't want anyone to become a teen parent!!!

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Just talk to her about the consequences of losing her virginity at such a young age.Don't punish her and there's nothing you can really do to stop her.

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At twelve years old, your point of view on the world doesn't seem to include consequences. Maybe if you told her the consequences, (STD, teen pregnancy, rumors.) She would understand exactly what she was getting herself into. She probably also doesn't understand that once you lose your virginity, its gone forever. Ask her this question: "Are you sure? Even with all of these consequences?"

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bring out the leash. one of my family members want to do it but mange to keep it under control tell her the side facts like back pain and the consequences of losing her virginity and say (there will be someone will be a 100% you soul mate and you wont feel it when you do it and your under age) say it softly and wait for her answer if she still insists don't say anything but keep a close watch on her or boot camp "toot toot"boot camp train its your chose what to do . blaze

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Im 13 and if basically anybody in this town told there parents that they would be beat! GOD says wait till marrige!and wat if she got pregnant? No school,future,no body would want to date u,ur gone be called names,I mean seriously! I'm not trying to be rude,ur household is just a little different from mine.

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isnt it also illegal if ur under 16?

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Move to another city. This daughter is being very foolish and rebellious. Does she know what would happen if she got pregnant? Sit down and tell her. Ground her for a month, or put her in a detention home.

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Take away her phone, computer, any sort of electronic device. Send her to a private school or homeschool her too.

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Ground her tell her about the human body show her videos of a baby being born and defintley take away anything that is a connection to her and the boy.

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Choke huh

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My lord.. Kids nowadays.. They are dare to disrespect their mother like that?? I'm shocked. Basically religion is really important. Tried to do it softly by reading religious books about such issues. If she's still insists, just tell her about what happen now and the future. Scare her off with the 'future-fact'. Oh dear, may God be with you. Be strong with your daughter.

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I'm far from being a parenting expert, but I agree that 12 is way to young to even have a clue of what it means to have a meaningful enough relationship to want to lose your virginity to the person you are in a relationship with. Sooner or later, however, kids are going to be at least curious about the experience. Maybe one thing you should do is sit down and talk to her about sex, how it should be done with someone she truly loves, how she should use protection, and so on. If she doesn't listen to you are want to even talk to you about that, maybe find a way to get her school to start teaching kids about that.

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tell her how bad it is to lose her virginity and possibly become pregnant at that age tell her that condom do not always work because they can break and tell her she can't do much if she has a child because she will have a very big responsibility

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Put the horny girl on birth control and give her some condoms. That's about all you can do.

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Kill him. That's easy tell her dad, if he's anything like me he will scare the hell out of him. My daughters bf knows if he tries anything I don't approve of ill stomp him into the ground.

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