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I'm a stay@home mom please help! ...

I'm raising our three boys while my husband works. I'm the first to get up in the morning and the last to go to bed at night. I do everything a mom and wife were supposed to do but it never seems to be enough. even though I'm not making money I work just as hard as my husband does maybe even more and he just doesn't get it. He doesn't appreciate anything I do and seems to think I just sit around all day doing nothing. what can I do to make him appreciate me? I love him and my boys but I deserve to be appreciated. don't I?

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trade places.

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Yes, every Mother Deserves appreciation, perhaps you could have a talk with him about what you actually do all day, and he may understand how hard your day is.

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Yes that is what happened with my mother and father. You should ask him to do your work for a day. Wash dishes, do laundry, sweep, cook, mop, etc. Then ask him if he still thinks the same.

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What dose etc mean ?
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This is a man who saw me give birth and said it didn't look that hard
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Gee. If birthing doesn't look like hard work to him, maybe you should try HIS job for a day.
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Wow..... That is ridiculous! He could never understand how hard child labor is so that is just rude!
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I know right? And then he has the cojones to say the kids are more his...btw only the oldest is in school
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Plus if your a breastfeeding mom you couldn't go get a job even if you wanted to! I say just try to let it roll of your back and know that you are doing the harder job! If he gets mean about it then thats different though....
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etc means etcetera....also or and so on
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grov, I'm sorry you didn't pick up on the irony in my in my comment. Anyway, as difficult and painful as birthing is, it doesn't mean men don't make their own sacrifices and face their own challenges. For example, men die younger than women. They suffer more heart attacks. (But women are starting to catch up in that regard, now that most of them are going out into the "workforce".) Men have and continue to do the vast majority of the fighting and dying in war. The list goes on and on and most of the reasons for their sacrifices are not biologically determined (men can't physically give birth). But are instead based on commitment to family and community. People that say men don
't know how to commit are nuts.
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Oh my comment was referring to mamitabonita and not at yours sorry for the offense but I wasn't commenting toward you. I know men go through trails and tribulations too I'm not saying that they don't. I was just saying that for anyone who hasn't been through childbirth to say it doesn't look hard is mind blowing man of women. I'm not saying that he doesn't have a hard life too, men and women go through different types of pain just saying it's rude to say something like that. I would never say that being in the army wasn't hard because I myself haven't done it. I don't assume something is easy to do unless I have done it myself..... No offense intended for you
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I'm sorry I misinterpreted your statement grov girl. I think we're pretty much on the same page.
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You need to show your husband that your not a maid , that your working hard and you deserve to be special like every other women in this world . BTW . How old are your kids ?

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8, 4, 3months
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I agree, it would be important to know how old the children are, if they are in school then he may have a point? If not then he is WRONG! A friend of mine started looking and interviewing for jobs and the Husband freaked out and laid off! Maybe she should call his bluff?
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etc means etcetera which means and so on (also)
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Men usually think just because they bring the money they do the most but taking care of the kids cleaning the house dishes making sure your husband comes home to a good enviroment is a lot of hard work. you are the one who runs the house hold and he pays bills. talk to him and tell him how you feel. maybe out on a dinner date some where you and him and have some quick time together

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He's Mexican which is a synonym for macho its "expected" of me total double standard
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Yea u deserve to be ppreciated every women does. So I would say to make him see wat u go threw. When he off one day go to one of your family members house or hang out with sum friends and leave the kids there with him. Then he"ll understand wat u go threw. I dnt even have kids and I no its hard to deal with them

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I wouldn't have kids when I got back or I'd find the house destroyed the baby crying and him sleeping on the couch
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Loll its that serious
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He really doesnt pay attention or appreciate you do it. This calls for drastier measures
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Matter fact I no its hard but your gonna have to do it. Because eventually evetyone has therd breakinf point. So either leave for a day or 2. Or just stay and tough it out. I no itz gonna be hard but your gonna have to try
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Im just worried about the kids he's.so blase about their safety he's clueless the other day i went into home depot and told him to come inside cause he didn't give me enough money and he sent my four yr old inside alone!
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Loll yea hes defintly just as you described him but the question is wat will you do. Okay positive thing. 1 he will appreciate u more and youll be more happy. But negative. 2 while your gone your kids will have to suffer with there father who has a very bad attention rate and careless attitude. I understand if u dnt wanna put yourself and your kids threw this. So the decision will be hard
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No wat just pray about it. Just ask god to give u the strength to do this and to help u make the right decision
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Thank you i will
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Tell him that for a week, you are not gonna do any of the things you do every day.
1. shopping
2. cooking
3. cleaning
4. washing
5. scrubbing floors
6. taking stuff to cleaners
7. taking kids places
8. washing up after meals
9. making bed, putting away clothes, etc.
10 making appointments, seeing doctors, etc.

Make a list of everything you do every week, and tell him if he thinks these things are so easy, he can do them for a week. Then tell him you'll switch jobs with him, and he can stay home and do these things. Make him sign a contract that specifies what HE will do to help and what jobs YOU will do.

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Very impressive insight however he's the kind of man that cant even go to the atm alone i have to help
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Perfect !!!
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He could hire someone to do all that who wouldn't complain about it and need to be "appreciated".
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Hispanics in California didn't go to work and didn't spend any money for a full day...!!! Their "action" brought the agricultural and services businesses to a stop and the economy dropped by more than fifty percent...!!! I'm just saying...!!!

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Strike strike strike!
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Yeah, and the republicans all think they were taking siestas.
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Lol didn't see it coming huh?
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Take a day and DON'T do any of the stuff you usually do. Let him come home to a messy house, the kids undisciplined, the laundry not done, the food not prepared, etc. When he asks "What the hell happened?" Tell him, "You know how you always ask what I did during the day? Today I didn't do it." Let him see what happens when you really DO sit around all day.

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He'd have a heart attack
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Yeah, maybe, but you would have a day off too! lol
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Go visit a family member for a week. Before you leave hug and kiss your husband goodbye, and say now I've written everything that needs to be done on a note downstairs. I expect it won't be any trouble for you to get it all taken care of. I love you.

I'm not suggesting you leave your husband. Fabricate a reason that just can't be ignored or turned down. You get a little time off, and hubby's life implodes. >:{) If he calls, be sure to ask if everything's all right.

Even if you could never do this, I hope you enjoy thinking about it. :)

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Boy i really wish you had a magic wand right about now
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I wish I did too, from time to time. :)
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Lol it would be nice! isn't it funny that as adults we wish for things completely different from what we wished for as children?
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I know what you mean. It's pretty sad when you fantasize about a clean house and mowed lawn before thinking of your dream vacation, but it happens to me a lot. -_- It's all right, though. I wouldn't trade my kids for anything. I saw you have a young baby. It's always rough that first year, but it gets better.

I only have two kids, so kudos to you. I don't think I could have handled three young ones at once.
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Yes you do! I am a stay at home mom too. The only way my husband got it was when I had an opportunity to leave for a weekend (fri afternoon to Sunday afternoon) at the time we only had one and our little guy was about 18 mo old. I cried that first night feeling so guilty but then that went away and I really enjoyed myself! My husband got to see what I do all day! It was nice. I always talk to my husband when I am feeling like I do it all! And he tries for awhile to help out more. Being a mom sure is a thankless job sometimes but the most important job you will ever have!

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Its up to us to mold future generations congrsts on your choice im glad im not alone
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My husband is in and out all the time I am the only constant right now for me it's hands down no option. Us sham need to stick together and help each other out whenever possible. Just do your best and keep going they won't be little forever.
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As a Mom we do it all! I have to say many working husbands don't see or appreciate what we do 24/7 but they're as many who do! If you took a vacation & left him in charge he would truly realize everything you do! How I love that country song by Lonestar Mr. Mom... I would have a talk with your husband just let him know how you're feeling sweetie see what he says & hope that he realize everything you do!
A little humour... http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=ajGGrcs2YfE&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DajGGrcs2YfE

Also try to find time together as a couple & as a family...

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I love that song too! being a parent is so much more than creating a baby it takes tears and smiles and blood and sweat and sleepless nights its just like my aunt once said buying a piano does not make you a pianist just like having a kid does not make you a parent. I understand that he's tired when he comes home from work but I'm tired to my work is just as hard as his even if I don't get paid
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I think you should both look into what each other spends their day doing.

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Sorry to tell you but he's not going to change....my babies father was the same way he expected instead of appreciated...and look where he's at now 38 years old living at his moms house

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is it just me or whatever happened to being self sufficient and independent? its like as soon as they get married the forget how to do everything for themselves
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Hey, you had baby with him, women are accountable for their choices.
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And I'm betting @Brittany1307, that his mom is still waiting on him hand and foot.
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Teernseg....having a baby is irrelevant I was a stay at home mom for two years and loved cleaning house and being with my children but it IS extremely hard that's why men can't hang and when you got a man sqwaking down your neck it becomes very "trap" like feeling and that you're being degraded and unappreciated.
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And yes bamcintyre she very much is lol sickening
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He should truly appreciate what you do! being a stay at home mom is super hard! The husband gets day off but you are on call 24/7 for the rest of your life. I know the feeling but I only have one child who is a two year old. It is hard and a little appreciation goes a long way. I love being a stay at home mom, and wouldn't trade it for anything, but everyone needs well deserved respect for it. I'm sorry that he thinks it's so easy. Everyone thinks it looks easy when their not the ones doing it. Even if he stayed home with them himself I don't know if he'd admit to how hard it is. I don't know anything that could necessarily help this situation but just keep doing the a great job and know yours as a mom is very hard! He will realize it eventually I guess......... Good Luck : )

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thank you and I love it too I wouldn't trade it for the world but sometimes it gets so stressful as mothers we tend to lose all adult contact everything and anything around us is children 24 /7 as moms we definitely deserve some me time and some adult time without the children around
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I agree to that! lol I go crazy with stress sometimes but I haven't ever been away from my son for more than an hour since the day he was born. I don't really have any of my old friends anymore because they don't understand how it is to be mom. A lot of people don't even other moms lol I think having at least an hour to yourself can help you calm down. You need time off and respect! I hope things get better : )
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Sorry to say but you need to shed tears instead of getting mad, that will get him to come from his heart and you can say your not feeling appreciated and you know he works hard...and you had no idea what work Mothers/ house wives went through!! You love them all and will do anything for them but your not getting any 'atta girls' and well, support, it doesnt have to be a thankless job pur Moms felt and well that would make you feel appreciated and well, loved, because you do it because you love them.

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Go on strike! Don't do the normal routine or a few days, or better yet go away for a few "mental health" days and leave him in charge. But for now just remember, it's temporary. Kids will get older, school will occupy their time and some day they will grow up.

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I will pray for you love.
I was in the same situation.
You have to take it one instance at a time as they arise.
I would ask him, "Did you like that nice meal?
It took me 3 hours to prepare that.
And tot #1 spilled the vase water all over the coffee table just as I had to get the biscuits out of the oven.
Tot #2 put the dogs tail in his lunchbox and closed the lid about the time you walked in the door.
And tot #3 has been tying my shoelaces together when I was peeling potatoes.
I love them so much though. But they do make things tough!"
He gives you a running commentary of his day, so ask for equal time to give yours.
The not respecting you is a control tactic, which can be a fun tool of hubbies sometimes.
You make sure you respect yourself.
Don't try to defend yourself to him, and he will sit up and take notice.
Be politely but unwaveringly honest.
Don't demand respect by asking for it.
Demand it by your demeanor and actions.

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He needs to be showing a good example to his boys on how to treat their mommy.
And you are gonna have to show him how.
He obviously is not volunteering on his own.
If you are a Christian, the more you know who you are in Jesus the less he will be able to hurt and manipulate you in these matters.
And you will have Someone to lean on and get your esteem from.
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thank you so much for your advice I'm glad somebody out there understands my situation it can be really frustrating at times yes I love my children very much and I love him too but as mothers wives women we have feelings too sometimes a husband and children forget that we become a fixture instead of a person I have always told him I am NOT maid or a w**** I am your wife and you should respect me I do pray to God everyday thank you for your prayers
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As long as you are only saying it and not enforcing, it he will continue to not have to change.
Like I said, it is an instance by instance deal.
It takes practice to stick up for yourself in definite ways.
But it pays off, though they do not like it at first, as it puts the action to change on them rather than you.
As long as he can cajole you into complaining, he really doesn't have to face changing his bad habit of not respecting you.
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How is it going mamita?
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@sumpthinsup, My friend! How are you? Great advice for anyone, especially @mamita! I love how you mentioned finding self esteem in The Lord! That is beautiful! :0)
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Thank you Yin, I always like to point out what God thinks of us builds us up as women to the point we can not be manipulated by our men.
I do like what Pastor Joseph Prince said about being married.
Not to so often use the term 'wife and hubby', but 'my woman', and 'my man'.
It keeps our value in perspective. Quite true, lol.
I was struggling a bit physically but am putting my rest on Jesus and seeing good results again.
Is Bull studying at warp speed?
Isn't it fun to be so close to the finish line?
I pray the loans are paid off early.
And much of the debt 'forgiven' altogether.
We had a relative tell us how happy we must be when hubby (umm,...my man, lol), finished school, that we didn't have money concerns anymore!
She should have known better, she often talked about her own student loans.


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switch places like have free time go to the nearest mall

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go visit your family in another state where he can't call and demand that you come home right away; cuz it will only take about an hour or two before he starts to realize it's not that easy....and don't let him keep you on the phone. make yourself unavailable until time to come home.make sure you make a list of the things that aren't obviously needing done.....80% of what needs done. he will only see the things like cooking meals and baths; the rest will have to be spelled out. Sorry to say but he may never appreciate what you do, but you will never know until you try. men can be dense in these things.if that doesn't work, put a price on all of your chores.......$ and cents add up. I have learned that often what will be ignored most of the time is better learned through the wallet.

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do you remember that spongebob episode where spongebob and patrick find a clam and become its parents and patrick goes to his house and "works" while spongebob cares for the clam. and they switch positions. watch that.

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lol I totally get what you mean guys just don't get it you know like the song by Lonestar Mr Mom they are totally helpless when it comes to mystery of households I just really needed to vent and find somebody that can understand how I felt
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