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Yes I would like others oppinons about this. I have been seeing this girl for a week now and we have really hit it off and it's moving

quickly lol, however, she is still legally married but has been separated over a year. She does not have a separation agreement or anything like that but assures me it's over between them but she thinks he will contest a divorce filing. She assures me she will get going on the separation agreement. Again she has lived apart from him over a year but nothing in writing to say they are separated. Now, should I even "go there" and get to know her and see or would I be better off to just let it go now? They have 2 children in common and I really don't think he is wanting a divorce from how she talks. She really likes me and I need others input. thanks so much

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Tough one there. If you think she is legit in what she tells you and you believe her, then that's step one. You are going to have to let your heart tell you inside what's best for you. Even if he contests the divorce and she has good grounds for one, then that shouldn't be a problem. Time to have a heart to heart talk with her and settle this in your mind and heart ! The kids will be no problem. I raised two step-kids and we still get along great! Talk and find out her true feelings and you will feel better! Good luck!

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are you sure she is separated from him?? or could she just be telling you she is??? it is possible she is playing both sides....i would still talk to her but be careful so you don't end up getting hurt....

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You use the word "assure" a couple of times. In my opinion, when someone is assuring you, it's best to take a breath. I don't think you should leave, just only be friends until divorce is finished.

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let it go until the divorce is finalized...

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Depends on what you are looking for in the relationship. If you are looking for something long-term (possibly leading to marriage), then really there isn't much of a point in pursuing her, if it's not looking like there is any chance for a divorce anytime soon. You'd really only be setting yourself up to get hurt, especially if she is dragging her feet as well. Which if they've been apart for over a year and haven't filed for separation or divorce by now, then there's clearly something still going on, even if it's just emotional attachment.

This doesn't mean that you can't be friends with her, or even go out on occasional dates, but I wouldn't take it any further than that. Definitely wouldn't start any sort of sexual relationship with her until the divorce is finalized, especially since in theory if she does get around to filing for it, the spouse could use such a relationship against her in the court proceedings.

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Thinking about filing for divorce can be scary, but in some situations, it needs to be done. If she really is serious about moving on, she should file for divorce.

The fact that she is still hung up on "what if" is a bit suspicious. Get her to sit down with a lawyer and start the ball rolling. If she continues to hesitate, it might be time to back down. Find a new girl without strings attached.

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bentheredunthat

Honestly? It's just too soon to plan anything signficant ahead. (Like meeting her kids.) I'd remain friendly, date casually for 3-4 months, but nothing too hot & heavy - unless you can handle heartbreak or disappointment. Words & promises are fine but until things are legally finalized, anything can happen. In her husband's mind, it sounds like she is still his wife. This could mean unforseen emotional upsets & problems for you, her, her kids. Be careful.

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This happened to me. We went ahead with our relationship. He finally got divorced. The announcement for his divorce was right next to our wedding announcement. Awkward. We've been together for twenty two years . He helped me raise my two daughters and I helped him raise his three children and his niece and we had one child together. Anyway, we still love each other very much. So I'd say go for it.

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We were living together for two years before we were married
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The fact that she likes you really and that things are moving quickly are a bad sign that you will commit adultery unless you break off the relationship to say nothing of the fact that it will hurt the children irreparably and her husband. Did she leave him with the children? It's a bad thing. Better to break off and forget her. It will damage the children.

The fact that nothing about a divorce or even a legal separation is in writing shows that they thought they might still work it out. Have they seen a marriage counselor? Besides that, the fact that you haven't been to her place sounds suspicious like maybe she never moved out in the first place. It's not even a legal separation and two kids involved. End it. Since she only wanted a fling, she would likely be unfaithful to you later.

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I would advise you to just let it remain as is till the divorce is finalized officially. In most states you have to be legally separated ( with a legally processed and filed separation agreement) for a year before the divorce can be finalized. Till then she is fully married to the other guy. I would not forward the relationship till then. If you do you may in for some major drama.

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I'll be blunt: She's married & rationalizing her behavior.
She wants a "fling".
*****
If you are only looking to make a score, go for it.
If you want a relationship, move on.

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There is a reason for everything. If she hasnt filed by now, she is not through with this guy. Push on, sweetie xxo

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She might be the biggest sweetheart ever . She could totally be telling you the truth but a year isn't that long!!! Sounds like bad timing for a relationship ... Perfect to hit it and quit it

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Just stay friends as long as you can tolerate it.
But keep your emotional distance
untill she is ready to make a firm commitment.
Gard yourself from doing something crazy.
In short ! Follow your heart. Keep your eye's on the sky.
But be sure you don't step in any thing.

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Let it go till you see divorce papers. There are children involved here.

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I agree so much Ravin. This just doesn't "feel" right to me.
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Best answer.
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The person we spoke of...is in the wilderness for 3 months alone ..this person won't forget.
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That's all I know.
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I know this person won't forget. I just hope they will be okay I "feel" that something is terribly wrong. Even if there is, they will try to help my situation. This I know. Thank you.
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More in other places...
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Hasn't left yet. Tomorrow.
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Thank you for letting me know. I appreciate that.
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Do you want to be the reason to ' get going' on the separation?? Why didn't she move forward with the divorce after 6 months? cause of the kids? because she was waiting for something better to come along? ? Or is there any possibility for them to get back together? Just your presence influences they dont, the kids will think your the reason as well, and he is still the husband. That may create more drama than you want to. Something to think about...

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So is alienation of affection!
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How can you know all of this to be true, even your feelings for each other, after only one week? I agree with Ravin. Stay away. She's still married and children are involved.

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@nursedavid-it looks like the answers are split down the middle. I guess you need to take it slower and think carefully-think outside your own desires and concentrate on the well-being of her and her children. She may just be lonely ...sad, but it happens.
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I would definitely pursue it. Why put it off and risk loosing her to another? I've been separated for over 3 years now and as long as you file for a legal separation that cuts you financially from the ex spouse. Even if her ex won't sign divorce papers now, after a few years of the filing date she won't need his permission to divorce. But as you've said this is all still pretty new. I'd worry about gettin to know each other more before I start preparing a life together.

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angelwolf

wait for the divorce

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