Am I depressed?
I am a 17 year old white male, and my life is going no where. I flunked out of my freshman year of highschool and my life pretty much stood still since then. For the past two years I've been sitting at home, sleeping all day and staying up all night, pondering stray thoughts. Lately my thoughts have been getting quieter and darker, reaching into topics such as purpose and fate. As far as I can see, my life has no purpose and I'm destined for failure. I can't think of anything I might be good at, or have any interest in; I easily lose focus and have a hard time finding pleasure in any activities. My confidence has been on he floor since the day I stopped going to school, moving farther away from people as I sit at home all day, by myself with nothing but my constant thoughts. I can barely say "Excuse me", to a stranger who might be in my way, without shaking like a leaf. The reason I'm looking for answers online and not at a clinic is because I'm too afraid to even admit to my parents that I have masochistic intentions. Every night I have at least one suicidal thought; One idea that it might actually be beneficial to everyone else if I just stopped existing.