Why can't I bring myself to work...?
I became disabled by depression ~4 years ago. I'm finally starting to realize it's been an issue all my life.
For the last few years, I've been trying to build some things to sell. But working on them quickly makes me depressed, and I've learned that the best thing to do is avoid making myself depressed.
I'm just scared that I'm not going to be able to do what I want to do, but I need money to do those things. Every time I have gone out to work on them, it incapacitates me psychologically for weeks.
I don't know why... it's something about working by myself. It's also something about it being difficult work. It is difficult work. It takes a lot of thought and care and mindfulness, as well as difficult labor, to build these things. But I know I can do it, if I can overcome the psychological barriers, whatever those are.
Also, I am trying to get to see a doctor. I haven't for a long time because the one time I did since this happened, well, in summary it was a huge mistake (beyond what you can imagine without me exceeding the word-count limit).