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My boyfriend broke up with me I'm 8 months pregnant we live together and I spoke to his mother and she told me to stay put

she told me not to leave the house yet and to stay he said I could stay as long as I want and that I didn't have to pay any bills he broke up with me because I was being very insecure during my pregnancy and he couldn't take it so he got fed up with me I am also 8 months pregnant how do I handle this situation

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It took me a while, but I found the question you asked a month ago about your bf. Why do you bother to ask a question and then completely ignore what the people tell you? You have been hanging on, nagging, and clinging to this man for at least a month, probably a lot longer, we told you to lighten up, and now he's had it. This shouldn't come as any surprise to you, you just couldn't let him be and you finally managed to drive him away. His mistake was getting you pregnant, from there on out, it looks from my limited knowledge, like you've driven him off with your immature behavior. Leave him alone. He told you before he was committed to this relationship. Now you have no choice but to let him be and hope he'll give you another chance. This sounds harsh, but you don't listen to nice and I want to help you. Get some therapy for your insecurity, clingyness, and dependence or this relationship has no chance. http://www.ask.com/answers/426903761/what-does-it-mean-it-mean-when-i-call-my-boyfriend-at-work-and-he-sounds-like-he-s-aggravated-because-i-called-to-talk-to-him

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Ok some truth but I have only been like this during my pregnancy because of lack of attention just not being supportive of me at all
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Tell him he needs to start helping out

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I think you read it wrong I live in his house and hd told me that I didn't have to pay any bills and to stay as long as I want I am due in a couple of weeks
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It sounds like you guys will work things out and get back together after the pregnancy. It doesnt really sound like your in a huge fight or anything.

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Im not so sure thats the reason he broke up
that might of what he said but maybe hes scared and under alot of stress and used the break up as an excuse to escape
either way he is the father and has to support you

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He said that I was starting to get on his nerves
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HA
wow
ask him if he has ever taken care of a baby?
waking up at 2am to rock the baby back to sleep.
changing diapers
feeding
baths
Ect

thats annoying

him pouting like a child is annoying
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And tell him how much he will be working... To pay expenses .. And fun stuff like that..... And more if he high tales.. it and runs.!!!
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oh what fun it is to be young and dumb
no offence adrien but howd u pick him?
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He's 40 years old I am 29 years old I just don't understand what's his problem
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WOW
um.... i think hes immature
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Maybe he does have some growing up to do but that is really crazy snd he doesn't want to work things out or talk about things
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yeah
he has issues
40 and living with his mother... whats that about?
you need to find better men
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Not just for you but for your kid(s) as well
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No he doesn't live with his mother
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Hopefully he'll come around. I mean who can possibly leave their own child!!! He was selfish to leave. If he isn't back in a few days find one of his friends and get contact with him through them. And tell them to speak some sense into him and get him to care about his child.

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No I'm living in his house
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hopfully that boys mom smacks some sense into him and make him a man so he will learn to take care of his responsibilities
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I feel like its a responsibility issue also but he told me that I didn't have to pay any bills while I stayed at the house do keep in mind I am due in 4 weeks and that I can stay as long as I want but he doesn't want work anything out with me
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what are you doin with the child?
keeping it
or giving it up?
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I hope his mom DOES smack some sense into him! I guess hell probably come back after you've had the baby. Or before if comes to his senses.
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I'm 29 years old and I am keeping my beautiful baby girl kids are blessings from god they don't ask to be here I just wish that her father would see that
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sweetheart I'm sorry this is happening to you it's frustrating enough without having to add the hormones of pregnancy I don't think it's about you being insecure and emotional I think he's just totally freaking out trust me once he sees that baby and holds that baby in his arms things will be different have his parents talk to him to see if they can help have his mom explain to him that it's perfectly normal for women to through these ups and downs and that he can't take it personally

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True but I really think that there is someone lm the pucture
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I doubt it yes men do stupid things when the woman in their life is pregnant that's cuz they don't know how to handle it trust me he couldn't handle another woman right now even if he wanted to
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I do know that he went on a date with someone and now he says its not what I think it is
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This isn't a question. This is you pretending we are your therapist. You need help. I'm not unsympathetic. I'm telling you to get a therapist that can give you useful and constructive feedback .

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She's stuck. She has asked this multiple times. She can't get what she needs from us.
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I'm not stuck lol just pregnant and hormonal lol
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Tone and timing... I would handle this by not repeating the same mistake. No ring, no living together and certainly no kid. It sounds like you are young, the b-mb has already went off. Just got to see how bad the damage is now. The definition of insanity is...doing the something over and over and expecting different results. Just thought you should know just in case this ends badly. On a happier note, congratulations, and good luck to you and your kid. Kids are a blessing, a gift, they grow fast, so be a good mom...appreciate the small moments.

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Aww thanks I really just prefer to speak to people on here about these problems because I don't know y'all where as my friends would judge me
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I did talk to him today and asked him if we could get past this and he flat out said no
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No problem. Mercy is not one of my gifts. Just giving you heads up :-)
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Thanks
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@Adrien, Bull is right! He does not have the gift of mercy! Lol! (Bull is my husband BTW so naturally I agree with him!) He gave good advice but I also like the advice about your boyfriend holding his precious daughter for the first time. I think a lot of theses negative feelings he feels will go away.....
Bull, remember holding your daughters for the first time? ;0)
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I am having a girl I am 8 months and know the sex
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6 pounds, 7 ounces, 19 and half inches long. Riding to hospital in a 1988 dodge Aries k car. Waiting in the room when they said common you are to far to give any meds too. 20 minutes later I had a girl name Destiny in my arms. I was the first. Keep fixing her beany. Born at 12:51 pm on December second 1996. No, don't remember that day. Sorry sweetheart! :-)
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17 years old myself. Got you pregnant when I was 16. We was never that young. Now I have 3 daughters and a baby on the way. Sorry sweety, don't remember those either. Just one big blur. :-)
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He is 40 I am 29 years old we are not that young
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This one is a boy. ;0)
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And ho
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Whoops! This tablet is going sooooo slowwwww! I meant to say: and how many of those old negative feelings disappeared once you held her in your arms? :0)
Just trying to give @Adrian some encouragement. :0)
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You know, I hate to be rude...you should know better. The fact that your older makes it better for your kid but worse because of the position you and your kid are in. You can't say I was young and I didn't know. I assumed you was young cause of your position. No ring, no kids. So now what? You tell your kids you was shacking up and the dude took off. I'm sorry, this is 50/50. You for not requiring a real commitment. And him for taking off. I'm not going to lecture, I wish you and your kid the best.
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thanks for the encouragement yinandyang but since the breakup on sunday he has been on a date but then tells me its not what i think it is but what else could it possibly be??

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Bulldozier we were engaged before we moved into the house i know i did not put that part in my question
i am currently still living in the house until after i have my baby which is due in 3 weeks and after that i am going back to work i will not be taking all of my maternity leave i will only be taking 3 weeks instead of 6 due to my situation the sooner i return to work the sooner i can be able to provide for my family he did mention that i would not have to pay anymore bills as long as i am there there was also a time before this one when i was just 3 months pregnant and i wanted to leave he begged me with the lets be a family saying that he likes to do apparently so yes i was dumb for staying with an emotionally unstable man but all i can do is live and pray
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It's exactly what you think. That's me. Yinandyang says that she is so sorry, and was hoping you guys would make it. We will keep you in our prayers. We are going on retreat this weekend and will be here till about 3pm pacific time today. We have a lot to do but will try to check this thing before we leave. And please don't mistake me not having the gift of mercy meaning I don't have a heart. I'm just straight up! :-)
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i would prefer if someone would be straight up and honest thank you for that BULLDOZIER i need all of the prayers i can possibly get tell your wife i said thanks for all of the inspiration that she has given me i just don't understand why this man just doesn't wanna do the right thing you should want your child to have both parents involved in there life
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I wouldn't call him a man right now. We will pray and see how God works this out.
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Yes keep us in prayer but I know for sure he is seeing someone because I asked him to tell me and he said its not what I think it is
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It's not about s3x is what he is saying. It's about someone who listens. Tell him discipline weights ounces, regret weights tons!
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i did not understand what you just said can you break that down for me, its not about s3x
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i did listen to him, i do not get the part about discipline weights ounces regret weights tons
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He would know what that means. If you two are still trying to work things out...it would be best for him to stay away from temptations. What if you get back together? So, a little discipline now, will save him regret later.
S3x... all you heard was he was out having s3x. When you was calling while he was working...did you stop? I mean he was out at work. Pregnant can make you crazy but I need you to think about what has been said, by him, and how you wasn't listening. Think about it, don't get defensive cause I can't help you if you do, and I need you to see something to maybe trigger a thought that could help for you and your baby. I'm trying to have mercy here, and help. So, what are some things that you didn't listen? Or, what has he told you why he split? Or both? Be honest, I'm not judging or going to scold you! :-)
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We aren't trying to work out things at all he doesn't even call to check up on me to see if everything is ok with the baby or not its like he doesn't care yes I did call him when he was at work and expected a call back because when him and I first got together he would always call me from work all the time on his cell phone
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It's like he has no heart he told me the reason for the break up is because he's starting not to care about me at all because I accused him of cheating on me during my pregnancy when I'm very hormonal and moody he wasn't a very affectionate person towards me at all now that I'm towards the end and the only thing I have is a belly I barely gained weight
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Even though he broke up with me I found the restaurant box in the trash can just 3 days after we broke up I asked him about if and he said its not what I think it is and he didn't go alone I asked him if he was seeing someone and he said no but keep in mind he said he didn't go alone and it's not what I think it is
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Okay Adrien, this is mine and my wife's time to go on date. I PROMISE I will get back to you sometime, no later then tomorrow afternoon. I'm even going to follow you to make sure I can get back on this thread. I don't mean to leave you hanging, but I have this special time with my wife. :-) Now, when I say I promise, ask my wife, I take it seriously. A man who cannot keep his word isn't worth a spit. :-) Hang in there! Have a great night, try to relax. Stress isn't good for the baby, right now that is most important. Take a bath, read, whatever relaxes you. Talk soon, okay sweety!!!
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Afternoon after 3 pm pacific time. Just clearing that up.
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I will keep in mind what you have said. I believe you and understand why you called now. Keep relaxed for the baby, if nothing else I will give you in site in male brain, I may need to ask more questions to do a better job at giving advise. :-) You got me to show my compassion, and mercy! :-)
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Thank you
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First off, if he ran he is a boy trapped in a mans body. There is little in our culture today that encourages two people to make the difficult adjustments required to achieve marital oneness. The following superficial motivations for marriage require shocking adjustments. FEELINGS-SEXUAL ATRACTION/INVOLVEMENT-CULTURAL OR FAMILY PRESSURES-ESCAPE. Our culture pattern is 50/50 performance relationship. Problem is I got to wait for you to do your part...when we do this we are looking at what our partner isn't doing. Acceptance is based upon you do your part, I'll do mine. Giving is based on merit-affection is given when one feels it is deserved. Motivation for action is based upon how one feels. Our cultures pattern 50/50 performance relationship is designed to self district because of... my inability to meet all unreal expectations; my tendency to focus on weaknesses in my spouse. My disappointment in my spouse, which paralyzes my performance; my desire to get revenge when wronged, and the impossibility of knowing if my spouse has meet me half way. Hang in there, I am going some where with this. I've put thought into what I'm saying but I need you to get away of today's culture and explain why relationsships and marriages don't last. 50% of marriages fail, 35%-40% hate there marriage and only 10% get what they want. There is only one way to do this. 1970 40% worked and kids grew up with both parents. 2012 20.2% of kids grow up with both parents. That's half. So understanding this, I wouldn't go with today's thoughts on what marriage is suppose to be. So, stay with me... I will tell you at the end exactly what to ask, how to ask the father of your child if he wants a life with you. Two things first. Are you with me so far? Also, is your plan to get him back?
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Yes I'm with you so far, but I don't know if I should get try to get him back because he's already seeing someone he won't tell me of course not and I don't know why
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I've also spoke to his momma about this and she has asked me if she can talk to him and I told her its up to her she can tell him that she spoke to me and I told her that we broke up and see if he opens up to her because he's been telling her that everything is fine
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Okay, so what's the end game here?
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She doesn't want him to know that we talked because she doesn't wanna cause conflict because I am currently still living in the house
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The end game?
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He's already told me that he didn't wanna spend the rest of his life with me and that he had no plans on marrying me but when we first moved into the house we were engaged
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If your intent is not to get back with him, then what's the question? Cause I'm thinking by your question, you wanted to be a family unit.
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Yes I wanted to be a family I felt more than sure that is what he wanted also
I mean he is 40 years old its not like he is a 20 something year old and another thing that bothers me is that we still live together and he doesn't even ask about the baby or check on me to see how I'm doing I am due in 3 weeks
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Okay, I'm not asking his intent, I'm asking yours? I cannot talk to him, I'm talking to you. See, I need you to really pay attention. Set the hormones aside, yes I am man, no I am not him... maybe easier said then done right now! Lol
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Yes I want to be with him but I'm starting to wonder if I'm wasting my time because I do know that he went on a date with someone even though he said it wasn't a date and its not what I think it is
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See, you did good till the end there. Relax, okay. To me your are being ambiguous... so I'm going to make this very clear. I know you have a lot going on. I know what he is doing right now is causing you pain. I also know that you are very pregnant and emotional. But I'm getting mixed signals. I'm not talking down to you, I just need a simple answer. Yes or No. Together?
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Yes
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There are two failures in our response to difficulties... 1. There is a failure to ANTICIPATE the CERTAINTY of DIFFICULTIES AND PROBLEMS. 2. There is a failure to RESPOND PROPERLY to difficulties and problems. Life wouldn't be so hard if we didn't expect it to be easy. Difficulties does not mean there is something wrong with your marriage, relationship. Obviously this would have helped when you was together. So if that happens I hope you are taking notes. Or this goes for your next relationship.
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I did respond to difficulties but all he kept saying was everything is fine
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Your response to difficulties will either drive you apart or bind you together. 1. Some respond to problems by trying to suppress or escape the pressure. 2. Others respond to problems by blaming or attacking others. You must have a plan to move through these times without rejecting or withdrawing from your spouse. How do you most often respond to problems? Suppress, blame others, analyze, attack, escape, or deny...
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Do you think I'm wrong for still staying in the house
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I do try to analyze and fix the problem
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You didn't answer how you responded? Look, I'm trying to get you to see how you reacted to problems... how I answer that question you just asked depends on his response after I tell you what to ask him. But this may take a minute cause I'm trying to give you some tools to create a healthy relationship. It maybe 99% his fault you broke up, but I need you to take 100%responsibility for your 1%! :-)
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I do take full responsibility for everything but when he broke up with me he was drinking and drunk so I waited until the next day to ask him if we could try to make it work and he said no it was like it was a joke to him and I wasn't taken serious at all he just acted like it wasn't a big deal so I was just calm about it... The day after I asked him if when I went into labor if he would bring me to the hospital and he said he would be there and whatever I needed him to do...yes I am very hormonal during my pregnancy I admit to that he says if I would stop all of the nagging maybe it would work between us and we would be able to raise our child together if I would stop all of the nagging because he's had enough of that
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When couples fail to grasp Gods perspective on difficulties and problems, the result is isolation. A. An extramarital affair is an ESCAPE from reality or a SEARCH for fulfillment outside the marriage. B. Extramarital affairs take many different forms: Activities affair, materialism affair, career affair, family affair-kids, fantasy affair(which include pornography or romance novels) , Love affair. Materialism affairs... today we build bigger houses but broken homes. 25% of women are addicted to porn.
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We are seduced by our culture into believing that we deserve complete fulfillment and perfect happiness. 1. Society programs people. 2. People develops an improper perception of reality. 3. People compare their expectations and fantasies to real life. 5. People escape to extramarital affairs. 6. People ultimately end up in isolation. You seeing a theme?
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See, there's some meat. Nagging, time tone and place. We will talk about that soon. Good, now you are talking. See, I'm getting you to see your part, and we both know he had a part cause it takes two to get conflict. So, making some progress here. Remember that no matter what I say, I'm saying for you and your kid, not him.
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Everyone has a natural tendency to be self-centered and destructive in relationships. Our culture today promotes and encourages selfishness. Because we marry with stars in our eyes we do not see reality. Marriage is like a phone call in the middle of the night...1st comes the ring, then you wake up! :-) humor there. You still with me?
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Yes
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what you need to do is talk to him and if he doesn't talk to you it is only going to cause a lot more stress on you and the baby even more. first I have to say congrats! and he needs to know that he has made a new generation. a new life. and if he cant deal with the fact that he now has responsibility for a new life then I don't see why he needs to be around the baby. I am not saying keep him away from the baby forever. he can see what he made and see if knocks some sense into him but..... if it were me I would not want my baby around his father because 1. I wouldn't want my baby growing up like him if he chooses to act that way. 2. he needs to learn that what he has made is important.3. and he needs to sit down with me and speak about our plans for the future. like my mom said " if your not going to act like man and take care of his family. then leave until you learn how to be a man.

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Good answer
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welcome
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You have no right to keep a father away from his child because you want to control what he does or how he treats you. This child comes first.
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I wouldn't keep him away from his child at all I wanted him to be a part of everything
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Get firm... And let the mother in you come out.... Sit him down... And lay it out... And how dare him.. Do the good deed... Then turn and run... He has a good mom... Maybe he can find that good in himself as well

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Oh yes his mom is really sweet she just told me to stay and don't make a bad decision
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I hope things go well... I want everything to work out for you guys...
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I don't know I think he is already talking to someone else
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You stay where you are, and he needs to realize a LOT pregnant women do get insecure. You both need to sit down and talk things through after a day or two to let the dust settle. You are both under a lot of stress. Having a baby is a lot of stress and I am sure you are both a bit scared. Try to talk and listen to one another as well.

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He is 40 I am 29 and yes I have Been feeling a bit insecure and yes he's proberly scared but we both work
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If hes 40 years old uhh i think its time to man up and think about his future! Hes quite older..

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Yes he is 40
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Ask for forgiveness and get back with him

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Is your family close ? You are 29 years old you can handle this on your own alot of great and successful people have been raised by a single mother it sounds like its his house I think you said he was 40 ? I think he is just scared but you need to take care of you and the baby make a plan and follow thur good luck

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No my family is not close
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Yes he is 40 years old but I do think that there is someone else in the picture now
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I think your better off without him being a single mom is hard but girl you can do this
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I currently still live with him and he does not ask anything about the pregnancy at all
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Emynor

He needs to be taught manners. Perhaps a few close friends of yours can persuade him to understand his responsibilities.

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Thanks I've spoken to his momma and she was really upset about the situation
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We are too old for this drama
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You're thinking its s responsibility issue
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Emynor
Indeed He's being immature and trying to shake loose and be free. His mom is thinking one thing only. Her grandchild. That's why you need legal counsel. They are both selfish, and don't care about you.
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Idk his momma did have a lot to say and it did sound like she was talking with common sense
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Emynor
Be careful.
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Be careful why do you say that?
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Emynor
She doesn't owe you anything. She will have grandparent's rights without any cost to her. This will limit you to distance. She will side with her son.
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She says she just wants everything to work out and that she will pray because she knows how her son is
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