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how am i suppose to not grieve in front of my little cousins and stay strong for their sake which i have to do all the time when all you feel like doing is crying? my friend doesn't see what im going through is painful for me and he shouldn't be trying to tell me what i should do and how i should act and how i can't talk about it with him and he got mad that i did and blocked me again

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Get the help of a school counselor or psychologist. You need someone and a special place where you can be yourself and express what you really feel. Write a journal, sometimes that helps me alot. Go take strolls by the beach or the park. also if you need someone to listen to you i can hear you out and maybe give you some thoughts to calm you down or help you cope with your feelings.

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the only reason i get mad is cause im mad that my aunt is not around anymore and i hate seeing what its doing to my little cousins
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Oh ok well since they dont have her then that should be YOUR motivation and reason to be strong and provide them with a trustful and supportive person who they can feel comfortable with. Its similar with my mom n my stepdad cause they have this business where they are out most of the week and they dont give attention or affection to my sisters and they are young and they need them. But what i do is go visit them a lot, take them out to the mall/park/on a trip and when i can buy them stuff. It feels good to be the person who they are thankful for having and giving them the supportive needs they yearning.
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