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I'm 45, she's 53. We've been married for 16 years. No fighting. She has no desire for intimacy nor concerned about why. What's a man to do?

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She's going through menopause.

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Her period stopped around 9 years ago. Can menopause occur years after? Plus her mom passed away 11 months ago. I know grief was hard when my mom died. But my wife is kinda stoic in certain situations.
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Have go to the doctor and get her hormones checked. Good luck. It's gotta suck for you.
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Yes menopause can last for a decade or more in some women. Do you not think of her, care enough, to research menopause?? I understand sex is top priority to men, but it isn't the same for women. Take a good, objective look at the overall daily relationship & examine whether other areas have changed that contribute to dwindling a woman's sex drive. The fact that her mother so recently died plays a large part most certainly! "What's a man to do"...be patient, understanding, and appreciative of your woman. It's for better or worse don't forget!
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I don't think about it as much as you might think, i.e., med side effects. I am more concerned about the general disconnect between us and I am the one who seems to miss it the most.
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Have you asked her straight up if she's having an affair? Or if she's no longer attracted to you? I've never been married but when with my daughter father for 6/years I stopped being intimate because I was no longer attracted to him, I didn't tell him unfortunately and eventually our relationship when down hill.

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I did ask her. But she replied, "When would I even have time for an affair?" There is truth to that, I believe. But I thought her reply was a bit impersonal.
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You could hire a private investigator. Or you could start tracking her cell phone. With some cell carriers you can log in online and look at text messages being received or sent
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I don't want to appear naive, but I kinda think she is way too "wrapped" by our 12yo daughter. Cheating on me would be like cheating on her. And she doesn't want our daughter to be devastated in any way. She has come before me for a long time. We have only been on about 3 dates in 12 years! Successful dates that is. A few times, she cut our time short so she could pick her up from the sitter. But I would hate for that to be the only deterrence keeping her faithful. She did tell me 3 years ago that she isn't in love with me, but still loves me. She doesn't get why that troubled me. Do you think I am reading into it too much?
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Same situation with me and my daughter father! I told him the exact same thing! Wasn't in love but love him deeply. Being in love is practically like that new spark it comes and goes that's probably why she's not intimate with you purely because she's not in love anymore
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Yeah, understandable. She perked up a little today when I told her that I am going to cook EVERYTHING on Thanksgiving so she can relax. Maybe even earn some points.
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You have to impress on her that you're not dead yet and you need intimacy. I don't know how else to say it. Get into couples therapy. That can make it easier to get a dialogue going. If she still won't you're not left with many options.

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Tell her you need intimacy in your relationship it maybe bc of her age or other things bothering her that she's not saying..take her out some place special and make her feel important then put the major moves on her if she gives in then tell her you want it like this again more often surprising her May help out her mood just saying!!(:

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As you can see from the variety of answers you received there can be many causes for this. In addition to menopause, there can be other physical ailments that can have an effect on intimacy. A good general check-up is probably in order. Then move on to other causes. Good luck.

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she's likely in menopause . Im nearly 61. I began my lovely journey into menopause about 8 1/2 years ago. Believe it or not, while it may take some time, her desire is likely to return. Sadly in case, my 57 year old husband hadn't had any ability to preform for the last several years. I'm suggesting you take my lead and find ways to satisfy yourself, by yourself.

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Sounds like it could be hormones. I know it's embarrassing but she should go talk to her dr. Do you two still go out on dates? Do you surprise her with flowers or romantic jesters? What ever her love language is do something for her. Make sure you keep the spark.

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I knew someone whose husband didn't touch her for four years even though she tried numerous times and also tried talking to him and tried being playful, etc. Nothing worked then one day she hacked in to his email and found out he had been cheating on her since the beginning of their marriage. She left him while he was at work and never spoke to him again. There is a reason for your wife's lack of affection so demand answers whether health, hormones, or she found someone else do NOT just accept it. She needs to explain

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In the past, she has entertained the possibility of getting hormone levels checked, persistent my suggestion. But no follow up. Perhaps I should bring it up again, or take her myself. I'm actually a therapist and I can help other couples; just not US! She's sort of anti-therapy (own bootstraps mentality), so she won't go to couple's counselling.
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I feel for you. I've been in a similar situation. Time for a real serious talk. Some difficult questions should be asked if you haven't already such as the #1 being does she still love you? Does she still want the marriage? Love and sex can't be one sided it's a mutual commitment so is she still committed to you? If her marriage is important to her then she will get the hormones checked as it's a simple thing to do. Life is too short to struggle within your own marriage. Does she show love in other ways or has she completely shut down?
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She says she loves me and kisses goodbye and goodnight. She bought me a nice sweater the other day. She asks if I want to watch a movie occasionally. We laugh. So it's mostly good. I realize that even when we were hot and heavy, I usually initiated. She has never liked back and foot rubs. So maybe there's some normalcy to the madness, just need some new sparks.
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well it sounds like there is hope. Be kind, gentle and loving and remind her of the good times and that you chose each other once and you don't want to lose that....I wish you much luck and that the spark will come back
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Given her age, chances are she's experiencing side effects or even after effects of menopause, which can last up to a decade. A low or even non existent libido is VERY common. She can talk to her doctor and perhaps even be put on hormone therapy which may improve things .. but hormone therapy also can offer 'side effects' .. and offer higher risks of cancer.

Menopausal or health issue or not .. you as a couple should be talking about this .. and finding some sense of compromise. Don't blame her for feeling like this .. because she really can't control her hormones .. but she can control what she chooses to do about it...or at least try to do about it.

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I am now reading a book about low-sex, no sex marriages. It's higher than I thought! I haven't read about the solutions yet. I can live, but I can't say that I miss the passion.
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I mean, Don't miss the passion :-)
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I saw in one of the comments her mom died :(. That might be why she's acting the way she is, she could be grieving. Talk to her about it and see if that's the reason.

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Thanks! I have tried talking to her and have been supportive, in any way she'll let me in. She has always been one to appear headstrong in any crisis. She has seen me as a blubbering idiot when my mom died. I still have her beat! I am actually a therapist, so in a way, I think she has a hard time seeing me as the supportive husband, considering she is anti-therapy.
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I'm kind of like that too so to me it would make sense that she wouldn't want to talk about it. I'm no therapist or anything but if you be there for her and support her i'm sure she'll talk to you about it! I hope this helped!
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