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How do I make things less weird?

My mom already knew I wasn't straight but I told her today that I see myself ending up with a girl, and that I only want to date girls. She just got really quiet. I know that she loves me regardless, but I feel like she doesn't fully accept me. She tells me she would much rather me be with a guy. I feel sort of rejected because of this. Am I just being oversensitive? I want her to be happy and excited for me and to encourage me to do what feels right. She's not even 100% on same marriage rights. I'm glad she's not against me... but it still hurts that she's not for it either. My dad is the same way but he won't even talk to me about it. At all. :/

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Hi Eevee. Everybody so far has said the same thing. She needs time.

I've been where she is -- one of my sons is gay and, in fact is no longer a son, but a daughter. Now THAT took some getting used to and I can tell you that I went pretty quiet when she told me what she wanted to do.

Going quiet is one of the defence mechanisms we parents use to avoid over-reacting when we're faced with a new situation. It gives us time to adjust. It gives us time to consider all the aspects of the situation. Above all, it gives us time to work out what we want to say.

If she's religious it'll be harder for her to accept your decision, but even that shouldn't override her love for you.

Good luck.

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Great answer!
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Thank you :) That must be weird to raise a MTF child. My parents aren't religious but my dad is always making fun of homosexuals even though I think my mom told him years ago I like girls. My mom is slowly coming to terms with it but would rather I be straight and my dad is just in denial. Which makes me feel like poop.lol I just hope that when I meet a girl they handle it well :/
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@eevee: It certainly felt weird at first but our immediate reaction was to learn as much as we could about trans-sexuality. We read everything we could find and that helped us to understand. Whether we see it in exactly the same terms as our daughter is open to debate but at least we are close to the same footing and have a very good relationship.

It sounds as though your mother will be fine but Dad might be a problem. A lot of men will react in the same way as JesseBronco's answer below and if he's like that you might be faced with the occasional snide comment. I hope not.

@1meeshee: thank you.
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I wish my parents would do something like that. Whenever I try to inform them on something about LGBT they kind of blow it off. My dad will always love me but I know he'll never be accepting of it and he will always talk down about them. I showed my mom the movie Prayers for Bobby and I think that opened her up more. My dad just made rude comments throughout the movie :( I guess it'd not about if they agree with me or not, it's about what feels right for me.
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I think (but I guess I'm not positive) that homosexuality and gender-reassignment are two separate things. I have heard that many men have sex changes in order to be in a lesbian relationship with another woman.

www.youtube.com/channel/UCamaea05bOJ0q42F9iyaFMA

is an example of this.
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That's fairly generally agreed in the "trans" community Nov. One of the best known Australian transsexuals (librarian at a leading university) wrote that, following his surgery, a colleague said, "What a shame. I always wanted to have sex with you." To which he replied, "You still can. I'm a lesbian."

I knew about Manning, of course, but I learned one new thing from the video. I hadn't heard the term "gender dysphoria" before.
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Your mom does love you, they just need time to let the fact settle in. It might take a while, but I'm sure they'll accept it once they get settled with the knowledge. And for the other part, be who you are. Don't let someone else's wants/opinions change you, even if it's your parent(s).

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I told her that I was bi when I was 13 though... she's know this long. Now that I'm an adult and realized I want to be with a woman she's just now freaked out :/
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Oh, well have you ever considered just sitting down with her and talking to her about it? Just sit with her and tell her "I know you love me, and I get that you want me to be different, but this is who I am, and I don't want that to bother you, because I'm still me." Y' know?
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Your mom needs time to adjust her expectations .For years she's had a picture of you in her mind. Reality is crashing the party. She just needs time.

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I suppose.
Thank you :)
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It might take them a while to accept it. If you want to try to talk to them again, just sit them down and explain that this is who you are and while you love your parents, you can't change even if you wanted to. They'll come around eventually if you just give it time, my parents did. Good luck hun!

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Thank you! :) I hope so
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Just give your mom more time, you know she loves you, I'm sure she'll come around,

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I originally told her when I was 13 :/ I guess my decision to only date girls might be a bit shocking but she's know that that could happen all along
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just the fact that you can talk to her about your decision, leads me to believe that she loves you very much, don't worry the shock will wear off.
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yeah :) I suppose
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eevee, personally I think lumpycat , has given you the best advice .
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I agree, they gave great advice :)
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eevee... you seem to know yourself and to know what you want, that's an admirable quality in a person. :)
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Thank you very much! ^_^
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Hmm, my parents aren't accepting at all. The fact that everyone keeps saying "your mother loves you" doesn't fit my bill. My own mother yelled at me today saying to "not bother calling her my mom anymore". She could care less if I were to commit suicide (her words). The thing that hurt me most was that she threatened to get the police involved in this.
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Chances are that since your mom's reaction was to just get quiet and she didn't have any negative to say... She probably realizes this isn't about her. It is about you.
Give her time. Just like it took time for you to say it out loud to her, it may take her time to say out loud she supports/loves/accepts you.
Also, since this is just how it is, you can make it less weird by not making a huge deal about it. Go on like you normally would. same conversations, same hugs, same smiles, same arguments... however your relationship has been with your mom and family... keep doing that.

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great advice
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Spot on, Lumykat.
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Thanks!
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Thank you ^_^
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Wish I could give you more than one star for that answer. :)
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:-)
Thanks!
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sharkgirl427

She might just have to get used to it. All parents are different and all parents see the world differently. Give her time, she loves you-loving someone is EXCEPTING that someone for who they are. :)

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OKay, i never had this problem with my mom, but...
She loves you, no matter what.
Maybe she just needs a little time to 100% accept it and face reality.
Remember that your mom will always love you no matter what!
Same with your dad. Maybe they don't agree with it, but they still love you.
When i told my parents (im bisexual though) that i liked girls, they said that they where surprised it took so long for me to admit it.
But your parents love you, no matter what your sexuality. Give it time, they will come around because they love you no matter what!!!

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Thank you :)
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no probb
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tell her your just kidding and tell her again at the right time if she loves u she will understand

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And then she won't take me seriously at all.
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Think of it this way --- if your mom told you she was in love with someone else and is divorcing your dad, it would probably come as a shock. You would probably be very quiet and not sure what to say. She will come around if you give her time.

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I don't see how this is like that
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Celestia

Sooner or later your mother and father will get used to the fact that you're not straight at all and they will both come to the point where they will have to realize to accept you for who you are, mainly because you are their daughter. You can't change the fact that you like girls and want to be with them, more than guys. If you do end up dating a girl anytime soon; let it happen, and don't let it bother you that your parents might not even like the idea at all.

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Thank you :)
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Celestia
You're welcome.
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Be mine and I'll let you have girlfriends!

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I'd like to say I pushed the star by accident. and that I talk offense to this. My interest in both men and woman does not mean I'd ever subject myself to things as low as this. I'm monogomist and want a woman. You may have just been joking but I've dealt with men bullying me about this ever since I came out. I feel like I can't even tell people, especially guys, anymore without receiving a snide comment like this. While you may have gotten a chuckle out of it, think about how the girl you're saying it to feels.
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Okay. I'm sorry for being funny. I thought of an open relationship?
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Don't sweat it! Be happy!
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It's okay!
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It's your own decision to do what you want with your life. Your parents don't understand your feelings and may feel that's its somehow their fault for the way you feel. You need to follow your heart and hope your parents will eventually understand, especially your Dad

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Love will override religious belief--except for the terminally indoctrinated.

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Thankfully my parents aren't religious
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There are many parallels between religious fundamentalism and intolerance towards gays and lesbians.
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that's true. They were raised to be religious so I guess that suck with them
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I applaud you for being open and honest with them. Very brave and commendable! I'm sure it must be hard to talk about. Your parents love you. They just don't know how to react. I take the silence to mean that she is still absorbing the news. Give your parents time.

You don't have to answer if you don't want to, but where is your dad coming from? You say they aren't religious, and he makes fun of homosexuals. What is the basis/reason for him not accepting it? Sometimes understanding the reason behind the lack of support can help you address the issue. If your dad is basing it off tradition, for example, you could tell him that times are changing, and the healthy society "evolves" with the times.

All that to say, keep holding on and staying true to yourself. They will come around eventually :D

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