Don't eat...just kidding. There not a "quick way to lose weight. Muchof it will be water weight anyhow. But, drink plently of ice water and tea and stick to lots lean protein and low-complex carbs like fruits and veggies.
To lose weight easy and fast, you can cut out the on sugar, eat 5-6 meals a day Eat 5-6 meals a day to increase your metabolism rate. By drinking a glass of water before you eat and taking more fiber products can also help. For more tips check http://www.wikihow.com/Lose-Weight-Fast.
You can't "actually do" the healthy food and workout "crap"? Well then, you're not going to get very good results. Sorry for the bad news, but study after study has shown that weight lost while on a gimmick diet just comes back again, sometimes with even more extra pounds.