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Can somebody please tell me how you stop crying?

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I can only guess at how you feel. I'm so sorry this has happened to you. You're one of the warmest, most caring people on Ask and you've helped so many of us so many times. You've inspired us with your courage. I don't have any words for this but I know you'll find a way to cope with it. Don't let it spoil your life. You have our love, TL.

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She will be so glad you are here. She may have fallen asleep.
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I agree 100% Dozy <3
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Dozy, I can't thank you and everybody here enough. I had my breakdown last night and today I'm kinda numb and quite hung over, but I'm working hard to not think very much.
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I agree too.
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I agree with Dozy too. :-)
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TL... you have tons of friends on here that love you. What's going on?
-
It's ok to cry! Seriously, get it all out. Thru my separation & divorce I cried so much I was literally exhausted from crying. I believe the problems & stress somehow escape with the tears. Don't hold it back. Also... make sure you share your feeling with someone. We love you TL!!

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raleigh, the man I've been mourning for 7 years has a 6 year old daughter with one of his nurses. I loved him soo much! He didn't love me. I've been wearing my wedding ring all this time & never even considered dating another man. I'm such a fool. I want to hate him right now, but I can't. I can't stop crying.
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TL. I just got your email via FG. I sent you a message.
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Please don't put it out here...unless of course it helps.
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Mind boggling. Absolutely mind boggling.
Just in case, I'm gonna play devils advocate. Is there proof of this??? AND, even if there is... that doesn't mean he didn't love you. It means he was unfaithful. I'm hoping you're talking to someone right now. I love you TL & am going to be praying for you (whether you believe in prayer or not).
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TL... is anyone in contact with you yet??? Where's FG? Do you have access to him?
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Kuu is on it...
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Thanks Mike. I appreciate you letting me know. Tell Kuu I got your message. Take good care of her!
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We'll try our best, goodnight Rals. 8)
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Omg
Listen TL--just because this happened doesn't mean he didn't love you. It's just possible that there's more to this than a child claiming his paternity.
People make mistakes.
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Yes, TL has tons of friends here.
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Well you have to get through what you are crying about first and then you can quit. If you let people know what's going on they can tell you exactly how to stop.

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Ok here goes. I was married & loved him more than anything. He died (it'll be 7 years ago this coming March 31st. I've been mourning him ever since. Today I found out he had an affair & has a 6 year old daughter. I loved him much & thought he loved me too. Now I feel like a total idiot, Plus...here I am airing my dirty laundry in front of everyone in cyber land.
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calm down think of something happy or find a way to expess you feelings like writing or drawing

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Thanks...I'm going with Tequilla & music tonight.
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Just cry it out then you will feel much better and it's a lot worse if you keep it in

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Thanjs
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Just know you have lots and lots of people around here that do love you, without even meeting face to face...EGBOK TL, EGBOK...

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Take good care of her Mikale.
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That's the only way I know...
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Thx Mikale...I just feel so stupid. I really am a naive idiot.
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No you're not...should I put my "easy on the eyes" pic back up for you?
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Yes, please do!! ;)
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Sorry kivvetome...not gonna happen.
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Wamp- wamp! TL and I liked it! All kidding aside, whatever it takes to put a smile on your face, TL- that's all that matters.
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Um, sorry...
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Zactly Kiv...
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Truckie, can I get you some aspirin?
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Yes please... 2 ginormous aspirin. Chewable and fruit flavored if possible.
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Done and done!
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GE Reveal light bulbs, walking outside around midday to get extra light, antidepressants, vitamins.

I am seasonally affected (SAD) so if I do not use a light box and walk outside in the Winter, I get really, really depressed. The short days are hell for me and my brothers. They live where it is sunny year round, but I live where I have to in order to make a living. Considering that it is January, I have to wonder if crying might be related to SAD.

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I wish I could blame it on SAD. Thanks for the advice, tho...I'm sure a walk in the sunshine couldn't hurt. Maybe a walk in the sunshine, in traffic.
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No, it's not SAD (disorder). Read comment under my answer. It's devastating. : (
Thoughtful answer, though. Hope you're making it through your winter ok. (I'm with you... hate winter, but always get at least 30 minutes outside a day. Oh... and you shouldn't wear sunglasses either- sun rays must get to your eyes.)
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Hi C!
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Hi Truckerlady, I am so sorry that something bad has happened to you. Honestly I wish I could hang out with you, give you a big hug, or do something nice for you. I care what happens to you. - Susan
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Would it help if I told you you're loved and cared for? Seriously TL, sometimes we all need a good cry. Whatever it is that's burdening you, I hope it passes soon! Sending love and hugs your way!

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Read under Raleigh...
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Thanks kiv. I've gotta get to Florida soon for that cold one.
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Come on down! We could do a little beach therapy too!
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No kiv...no snide comment to you. I meant I was hurt & don't want another woman to hurt like this. I explain under somebody's question. But I can't remember who.
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I gotcha, TL! So hard to read people's expression through writing... so add those da** smiley faces!! Lol!! :) :-)
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see, they help... 8)
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Yes, they do! :-)
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I'm in wv... The song says almost heaven, but I say nay nay.
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West Virginia.. mountain momma.. Take me home... country road!
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Come on Kiv.. " all my memories gather round her,Miner's lady, stranger to blue water..."
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Dark and dusty painted on the sky.. Misty taste of moonshine, teardrops on my eyes!!! Have I met my match? ;)
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...I hear her voice in the morning hour she calls me ... Where the hell is TL, and Ynp? We are not doing this alone..
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I'm talking to Ynp on another thread.. she must join in!
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I'm hoping she's asleep...(passed out)...whatever you wanna say...
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Country roads take me home to the place I belong ...
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You are a way better singer Y, I can't hit those high notes like you, plus, you seem really into it.
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John Denver at his finest I tell ya!
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Holy crap, if that doesn't cheer her up, nothing will.
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Ok, ynp, this made me seriously laugh out loud!
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Omg, where am I ?? Wt? Ynp, wake up... Y? Y? Beer bottles don't make good microphones.... Where's our car?
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Oh heck, how did I get all this sand in my hair? Why are all these seagulls so freakin loud??
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waldorff
That is bloody hilarious! If that doesn't cheer TL up, nothing will!

LMSO right now..
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No Kiv! It's not the flippin' birds! It's this dollar store tequila you brought! "Let TL.have the good stuff. " remember??
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You guys...in spite of myself, I'm laughing. You guys are the best!
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You are up?? You don't wear lipstick, you wear chapstick, and no one here wears that shade..
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Oh...and whoever said moonshine tasted misty has OBVIOUSLY never tasted it.
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Please stop talking. I'm never drinking again.
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Doing ok TL? <3
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You need to check that before Waldorff starts with the garden hose stuff..
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TL,Please know we are all here for you! The pain and deceit you feel has to feel unbearable, but the story may have more to it. It's not going down like this. Not to you! You are one of the coolest, big hearted, sweetest people I have met here. We are here, no one is going anywhere.

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Thanks Bubbles. Is it weird that my closest friends are people I've never met? God...I must need a life!
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Nahh, don't say that, TL, sometimes this is where people can let out their true feelings!
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Exactly! Kiv is right. You need to try and figure this out. The more heads the better. When the dust settles you will have clarity. You really don't know what happened aside from the obvious! One thing I can say without a doubt, the man loved you, how could he not. This sucks, but you WILL get through it. Yes you will!!
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It looks like some friends are checking in outside of Ask! Good! I will check back all night to see if you need anything. Ok. We are here!
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Thx bubbles... I think I'm gonna passs out soon. All snuggled up with my almost empty botle of patron
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I wouldn't mess with you! No Ma'am! (((( hugs ))) here if you need it sweetie.
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Great answer, Bubs <3
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Yes we are here for you Truckerlady!
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Truckie -Mikale and I are here for you. awaiting your email. Big hugs my friend.

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Thanks...both of you. And tell your hubby to keep the flower pic up...last thing I wanna do is make eyes at someone else's man...that's too hurtful.
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You're right, it's very hurtful.
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If this was directed at my comment, please know I was kidding. I have no interest in anyone's husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, or uncle on Ask. I would never cross that line.
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No kivvetome, not at you. I'm talking about what's happened to TL.
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One thing I've said before about writing on here, things get misinterpreted because we can't hear expression. :) so smiley face :)
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It's the one downfall about this site- you can never tell if you've hurt anyone's feelings! I'm very good at reading people face to face, but can never tell if a joke was taken the wrong way or had gone too far. Whatever the case, my heart hurts for you, TL.
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No no kiv... No no not to you. No snide comments. I sorry....didn't mean to make you feel bad.. I just referring to how I was feeling hurt. Now I'm hurtn less & very drunk. Ynp gave me a great idea. I'm gonba tape his pic to my steer tire when I get back in a truck & run over the cheatin (beeeep) all the way to the pacific. Oh...his pic means that lyin cheatin jerk I was married to.
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I can't imagine what you're feeling. Be careful about drowning your sorrows, TL, momma always told me sorrows know how to swim... Lean on your friends.
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Lol Truckie. And when you get to Cali, stop here for a cold one.
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I thought you were in Hawaii
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I can drive to Cali but not Hawaii cuz .., well u know why
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Where are you now, TL?
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We wish we were...see, no need to build a bridge over the Pacific Ocean... 8)
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@Kiv - I believe she's in TX, snuggled up in her bed. I'm emailing her too...She's such a dam good person. Glad we're all here for her. 8)
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She's been a friend to me ever since I got on this site..
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Hey Ynp- did you notice our thread got taken down? I was singing the "Where, oh where are you tonight?" from the Hee Haw show. Took me a dern hour to write it out and they erased it! Grrr!
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Hate when that happens. We're all going along having some fun and zap, it's gone.
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Lol! Yes- I even added the spit!!
I guess there are some mods that tolerate the threads more than others? Dozy mentioned one time it being the "new" mods who haven't learned the way things run around here. I'm starting to agree... O.k. Kuu, here comes my smiley.. 8) lol!
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Btw, everyone come to my answer... there's a drunk party going on! Join in song, please...
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waldorff

Truckerlady - come on over to California - I'll cheer you up with a nice cold piece of lettuce.

it seems like you've learned something that's really knocked you for six. But don't let it spoil your memories - they're the most important things you have. Guys do weird and unfeeling things sometimes, even though they love you deeply. Been there, done that.

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Read in Jennifer's comment.. she explains it all.
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Uh oh.
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waldorff
Thanks, kivettt... Wish I could do something for her.
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W! You bring here for here is enough!
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I'm not correcting it, you know me : ))
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We've been drinking at Kiv's Keg party on the beach. Tipsy.
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I knew you had a few too many, Bubbs!
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Another great answer, Waldorff <3
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waldorff
Hey you guys, drinking on my comment isn't allowed. Well, not unless I'm drinking with ya!

::)))
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Hey Wally, thank you. I'm more numb today. Really trying to not think to much.
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waldorff
Hi TL, I know we're only cyber buds, but we're here for you as best we can be.

I think ynp and Terrasox and kivettt all have aching heads this morning!
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waldorff
And Jules....
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California sounds like I good idea Trucker, if you can go.
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TL I don't know what's wrong but I've grown so fond of you. I'm sending love and light to you my wonderful friend. Please hang in there<3

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She just found out today (Tuesday)that her husband, who diyttjshe has been mourning for 6 years.
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He had a child out of their wedlock that she just found about.
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Thank you belly. I was feeling bad that I thought my closest friends were people like you on this site whom I've never met. After my "breakdown" last night I woke today realizing whether we've met or not, I count you all as good friends. Good friends who were there for me in my dark time...I couldn't ask for anything more.
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TL, my heart goes out to you. I admire the courage it took to get it out there and talk about it. Time will help sort out the many emotions- in the meantime cry, rage, laugh and breathe... It doesn't matter where you meet the people that love you, what matters is that the connections were made. My email is on my profile. I'm here if you need an ear, a shoulder or a shot of Patron:) Woman to woman- you carry strength you don't even realize you have. Hugs to you this morning.
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Hi, TL.
I read what's wrong. I'm sorry this happened. Just let it all out, that's the quickest way to get rid of the pain. I know I'm a kid, but your Ask friends and I are here to listen.

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You too, Robert.
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Thank you so much Marcus. Having a friend say it is ok to let it all out (when all I wanted to do was cry and scream it all out) really helped. I hate it when people say don't cry. I'm so busy always being the strong one and it helps so much to have friends to lean on.
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Don't just lean on me, steal my feet, if you want. :P
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TL, I just read your responses under the previous answers, explaining the situation. I am SO SORRY that you are dealing with this!! Unfortunately there isn't a magic word or instantaneous action that will cause your tears to disappear... like many other problems that deal with matters of the heart, this isn't going to be a quick fix, even though I wish with all my heart that it were. You are now grieving the loss of your beloved husband for a second time-- initially, you grieved for his physical disappearance, and now this newly discovered emotional abandonment. I can't speak for him-- unfortunately no one can-- but from everything you've ever written about him, it doesn't sound like he didn't care. If that were true he would have left you for this other woman. He might have been lonely, or perhaps acted on lust in a moment of emotional weakness, but I doubt that it had anything to do with love. Men have strayed from their wives since the beginning of time; it's an unfortunate truth, and unfortunately a hurtful one, because women equate physical infidelity with emotional attachment. I am in no way defending what he did to you-- I would be equally devastated and pissed if I were in your shoes!-- but I doubt that he kept this secret from you out of a lack of love. Rather, it was most likely the opposite that drove him to keep this other woman a secret. If he didn't care for you, it would have been a much more clear-cut situation! I know that nothing I say will be able to heal this new hole in your heart; nothing I can do will help you feel better right now; all I can offer you is my friendship, my open virtual arms for a virtual hug, and a few words that you need to hear right now. Let me tell you... you are not alone. As long as you have an internet connection, you will never be truly alone. As long as you have fingers to type with, you will have people who will support you. You have many friends here on Ask, and as I feel blessed to be able to count you as one of mine, I hope you consider me to be one for you. I'm sorry for writing so much... I truly hope that you find it helpful. I can certainly understand the hurt and loss you are feeling right now. I understand it differently, from different experiences, but I certainly understand the emotional devastation. If you need anything from me, please do not hesitate to ask. Good luck, and again, I'm so sorry to hear that you are going through this <3

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Wow Jules, I wish I could help as much as you do. TL, you have so many friends here who are willing to listen to you. I hope you can appreciate that.
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Beautiful
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Awww... thanks guys... you're going to make ME tear up now! Too kind <3
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Jules, I'll miss you very badly when I leave.
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Thank you so much Jules. At first I felt so terribly alone. I woke up feeling surrounded by friends. I can't begin to tell you (and everybody) how much you have helped right now. I still feel like I've been punched hard in the gut and I still feel immense hatred, but I'm maintaining an overall numbness right now. I guess I do have a reason to be thankful to not be operating a 40 ton vehicle right now. Got my ringer turned off and no plans to talk to the wench in the near future.
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TL, I waited to respond to this because I wanted to see how you were doing, beyond that first day... I know that your heart is going to hurt for a while, and that the hardest thing to do is keep going on. This isn't going to be an easy situation to deal with, and it's going to hurt for a while... and I'm SO SORRY that you are going to deal with this. I'm glad you found such great support here on Ask; you felt loved because you ARE loved! I'm glad that I was able to contribute to your good feelings. You're going to feel that terrible feeling in your gut for a while, and you're going to feel that hatred and disgust for just as long a time. You don't *need* to talk to her... she probably felt like she needed to reach out to you, but that doesn't mean you need to communicate with her so soon after discovering this information! Later on, you'll have plenty of time to talk. It'll be hard to ignore her forever, but for now, there is no reason for you to answer her calls. Things are going to be hard, but you are going to be OK. You are a strong woman, and you have plenty of friends here to support you... you can ALWAYS e-mail me, or find me here on Ask. You are not alone, sweetie... and you never will be... listen to the song "You'll Never Walk Alone," from the musical "Carousel," and you'll see what I mean <3
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TL I coulndn't help but quote one of my childhood favorites

"Come on, pal. If you start crying, I'm gonna cry, and I'll never get through this. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you, but I am now. Hey, Sulley, I am baring my soul here. The least you can do is pay attention!"

Monsters Inc. (2001)

Now is it releven't to your situation, not really but as you can see were all here for you.

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Good one, Chucky. I think we all know how to cheer TL up to her possible best.
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Well I will check back tommorow to see if she's back on.

MM15 did you see the question about what the earth will be like in 200 years? Interesting topic to think about.
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Well, I answered it. I also saw that question about huge white arms and I get scared easily, I'm sleeping alone so I'm terrified right now. Lol.
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Thank you himchuckey. Nothing can bring a smile quicker than monsters inc. I remember watching it over and over with my son. Feeling this surge of friendship is such a big help...I just can't say in words how much I truly appreciate this.
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Have the cry. Calm down. Check the facts.
In matters of the heart, facts are not just the tangible things that must be considered.
Truth isn't tangible. It isn't simple when it involves love
Reasons, states of mind, emotions, whys aren't either.
Look for the truth and I hope with all my heart that what you find will bring you peace.

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Very nice
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Thank you...that really helped.
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Your very welcome TL

and thanks but the words were just a remix if the very simple
"And the truth will set you free" which is almost as old as I am
LOL

TL I have seen you around but not formally met you
I am sorry It's under these circumstances
but I'm sure you'll eventually make me smile again with your answers.
I would like like to follow you.
You too Bubbl if you don't mind

Ynp....glad to see ya recovered from that tumble onto your beak :p
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Shouts
Yippeee !!!! Thanks guys
Ouch
Whispers
Oh sorry, forgot about the hangovers
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Ohh.. Ouch.
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Hey truckerlady its never easy goin through some thing like this. all i know to say is ,you have tons of friends who love and care for we all stand here with open arms ready to love and lift you up in your time of need as we know you would do for us. you have so many shoulders to lean on to make you strong. so many open arms to catch you when you stumble and fall. so many hearts to love and comfort you, it doesnt say some thing about us. it says some thing about you and you kind heart that caused so many of us to love and count you as a friend you are a true blessing to all who are blessed to know you. hang in there were all here for you.... were all praying for you, i hope your better soon.

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Mornin' to you TL (won't say "good" cause it's probably not).
You're probably reading through all this wonderful support from your friends on Ask with a cup of joe and a blazin' headache. Of course the headache will subside but I know the real pain will be around for awhile. We'll be around for a long while too, so if you need us, we're here!
Tequila was an excellent choice last night (love the stuff myself). Hope today you rest up and start to rethink about the situation. TL, I TRULY believe life is how we interpret it. You're gonna interpret this how you will but I hope you don't mind me putting in my 2 cents. I would think to myself: yes, he loved me. yes, he screwed up ROYALLY. If he REALLY didn't love you while he was dying, he would've left you. I believe this. I hope you take the initiative to look at this from all angles and find the one that leaves you with the least amount of bitterness. It IS a necessary step in this grieving process, just remember not to stay there because Bitterness is a terrible state to live in. (Hugs & love from North Carolina)
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Gussy and Raleigh, I just don't know how to thank you both for that. I can't describe how it feels to have this kind of friendship. I cannot imagine how I would have made it through the night if I had never stumbled upon this site. I was feeling so alone, but you guys stepped up and took that alone feeling and chased it right away. I do have a blazin headache, but it's not as sharp as the one in my heart. I know it will pass. I know this because I have friends like you. That's all I know today & all I need to know right now. I feel kinda hollow, but that's probably from all the cryin and the tequilla.
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Truckerlady, I don't know you well but I believe you have survived a lot and come out on top, not bitter and wiser for your efforts. I believe that you know that, when all is said and done, love is unchanging and is the ultimate anchor that keeps us steady amidst rough waters. That a loved one was weak or made a mistake does not change the truth that love just is. It does not change the truth that you were and are loved.

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Really true
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Wow. I hadn't thought of it that way. I really can't thank you enough for that. It really helped. (wiping eyes and squaring shoulders) I am strong (and I'm gonna keep repeating that until it sinks in). Thank you so much.
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In deed, a great answer
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Really, really true. Hugs
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